Let's have a
photo shoot!

Its "time" to take
some snap shots
of your
soul.

You've been given;

10 years
&
10 frames.

To capture
that
sandy second,
minute.

Before it slides down,
to the very
bottom of
the hour glass.


Click-click-click
&
I'm Counting

3

2

1

smile.

The world is your
photographer.
&
The people
around you will
play
pretend
paparazzi!

More often than
you've been told to believe.

More often than
they say.

All the
money a blank check
is worth for,
could never compare to
the true value,
of an
individual.
There's always
something
special
for everyone.
Cause everyone
is
something
special.
The world just
doesn't
want you
to know,
that you matter.
Cause they're afraid you're
going to
change
a
cycle,
that's been orbiting'
the earth,
since before we were here.


A circle-cycle, in it's simplicity is a double negative.
Like the Devil getting cozy
on a Demon's shoulder.
Double whammy.
Stop.
**** this.

I'm just cashed.
Today.
Tomorrow,
will
be
BETTER.

&
When
that
door,
finally
opens up.
In a
loud
thunderous
applause.

From
up,
up- up
and away
from here.

It's going to
rain,
rain,
rain.
Until
all the pain is
washed away.

After all;
raindrops
are just
tears from
all the
people
who have left
everyone behind.
To
become angels.

You know,
the ones
we miss
the most.

I think,
that when it rains,
the angels
are just
sayin'
that they
miss us too.

Flying off
to the
freedom fields.
To
catch
those
free
&
freeing
fireflies
with my
magic-magnetic
real-life
dream catcher.

Can't catch me in
pink.
Bubble
gum
goth.

I be
honey bee.

Or maybe

The Prince Of Darkness,
just watered down.

You know.
Diluted,
with glitter.

Sparkling.
Sulking in the
Sunlight.

Going to bed at
breakfast.
&
Waking up at
dinner.

I'm runnin'
on
******'s time
these days.

You can not break,
what
has already been
shattered.

But,
if you insist,
you can keep trying.
;)

I'll just start,
Cutting
out
all
catty chatter.

To sit,
to spit,
&
to sulk.

Inside
the silence,
of
a
half-dead
1/2 way house.

Don't lead me on.
If you are
just going to
Drag me down.

I don't have the
"TIME"
for it.

I could wake-up...
"DEAD",
in the morning.

You never know.

When our <3's
spread their
butterfly-free-flying wings.

Just fly-high,
up & away to  
an atmosphere
of good thoughts.

Good things never last.

If you get caught in the web
of a monster;
that is much
larger
than the hungry, ***** spider
you were running away from.
In the first place.

Just remember **** gets better.
&
Sometimes we all feel like this.

You've got one wing
out the cocoon.
You're halfway there.

One day.
Some day.
It
will
happen.

Even if
you're,
not ready
prepared
or expecting it to.

When the other wing
follows
the first
& you're
no longer,
a crawling
caterpillar,
on the
cracked out,
crooked
cement-circle.

You must.
Spread your wings
and fly off
the
very top
of your
heightened
fears.

To the arms
of an old,
dusty dream.

The hour hand's on 10.
&
The minute's on 4.

I think,
I know.

Half of me died
with you.

Way back,
when,
October nights weren't
so
******'
lonely.

Until my other half
gives in.
I'll be your;

1/2-ghost,
earth-bound.
Sun.

For the "time" being,
I'll catch you on the
astral plane.
&
I'll see you in my dreams.

</3

When your life line
stops running,
across your body's
support screen.

What time
will your clock
stop at?

Time doesn't exist,
I will
ALWAYS
be here.
<3

July 18th, 2010.

Those sacred songs suffocated,
when our books were set on fire.
We wasted time.
Worrying about something that wasn't going to happen
for a while.
Anxiety is just the common cold of 2010.
We've spent all of our $
And still there is no cure.
I have a high tolerance.
And you have a hefty load of prescriptions.
So tell me,
which one of us is going to die first?
Predestination does not care.

But the Grim Reaper does.

Stitchin' up a
Snitch's ******.
So he don't
steal or
snitch out someone
that had nothing to do with
his something
or another.

Guess, I'll quit acting so ****
bipolar.
When,
you quit acting like
a lazy,
Lil' Liar.

You blew it.
&
Messed everything up for me.

So
I'll just hit you back
&
**** your **** up.

So you don't have to
do it.
Yourself.
</3

Cause you're way
2
cute,
2
cry
over a

    Big-***.
    Stupid-***.
    Lazy-***
    Broke-***

air-head.

That somehow
caught you in a web.
& made you
uhhh-****-ted.

Get it?
Get it?
Got it!
Good.

Be like the
Brookie Monster
and know
U R A
rare ruby.

That should be
hidden,
at the bottom
of the
cookie jar.
SO no one can steal your beauty.
For their own *****-gain.

Sleeping alone *****.
But nothings worse
than waking up next
to
a
skanky/******
Lust-****.

Welcome,
to the
Fabulous Lifestyle
of the
Wonderful,
Magical,
Spit-Catching
Idiot-Magnets.

The World
is just a bed
full of.
Roaches,
Leaches
and everything else parasitic.

That only want
to drag you down
&
****-****-****.
What little
life is left,
with-in,
you're half-way
dead.

Still-breathing corpse.

Good luck!
To you,
Kind Soul.

I hope the World ends,
before it can take-break- away
your sugar-sweetness.

Lemon-drops
Always taste bitter
even if their rims are coated with sugga.

Sugar is better
off alone
sometimes.

End of Poem.

I’am the
Whiney,
Amy Winehouse
Wannabee.
That’s going to blow myself,  
away
before the Whispers of wicked winds can.

I can’t smile anymore.
If you have to always
stab
me in the back.
My heart lives on the other side
of my body.
If ya wanted to....

I could get you;
a steak knife
and you could
tear into my heart
like it’s
a medium rare steak.

If it would make you happy.
I’ll even bring the A-1.
Cause I care that much.

To the
Easy-******
speedy
speed-balling'
speed-demon
drivers.

There­ isn't a
circuit
that will
race you
to my bed room.
I don't endorse
NASCAR.

But if you
can drive
twenty five.
There is
a road
that will
get you there
eventually.

Like you're only
driving me
around.

Until you
can
break my brake-line
at one hundred
butterfly heart-beats
a minute.

I know
You,
just
want to
speed me up
so fast that
I won't even be able
to survive,
when you
hit the brakes
so hot &
hard

Just to send me flying across
the
Lust Lane.

I need some band-aids.
My heart cracked on
the pavement
& now
my eyes can't stop leaking.

I deep throated
a rosary once,
so
I could feel
closer to
God.

After that,
I went
to his
"friends" house
for
Sunday Morning Mass
&
I went up in-flames.
Uhhhh
I
Guess
I'm just
the
anti-christ
super-star?

No.
I'm just
a
Black haired
Bandit.

I see that
you're messing
with
her thermostat again.
Comatose is a wonderful degree.
Isn't it?

Someday,
He will
abandon the circular life,
to live
the line life.

For
"life" has no
need to explain its course.

Life simply is.
Life simply happens.
&
Life simply exists.
Even when you're "dead".

Questions lurk below every theory.
But skeptics,
can be
two-faced
coin-*****.
Sometimes.
So ask away & Find out for yourself.

Always remember:
That the Dumps
have
never
been
adequate to inhabit.

Fight or Flight.

Flight,
is my only option.
High up.
High on.
Out o' here.

In times of desperation,
it is understandable,
to be influenced by instinct.

However,
it is inexcusable
to forever live
in desperation.

You deserve better.
Cause you're the best. <3

I
don't want to
exist.
In
a
love-less
lust-lost
home either.

Let's run-run-run
run-away
to better
days.

Run away
from everything,
from everyone
to everywhere
and anywhere.

We deserve to look outside
the windows of a home,
not
a
half-orphan-orphanage.

The sun is shining somewhere.
Let's
go
sulking in the sunlight.
<3

Hello Stranger,
just
think nothing of my words.
I only feel obligated
to be kind
to you <3.

Love exists when its convenient
for hatred to take a day off.
& I think it's *******.

The darkness of a void abyss
is to cold,
for the frost frost
to icily
glaze-blaze it.  

So
Put away
your shovel,
in the end,
everything is brought to the surface.
No matter how
deep the ditch.

Flash-flood
tear storms,
weathered my
heart down
until.

My deepest-dream-wall
finally
broke
down.

It done
cracked a leak
&
flooded my heart.

Now,
whenever
I think about you.
I just go blank.


I can't
fake a smile & pretend to care,
when
I'm drowning
in the
heart-ache ocean.

So I'm not even trying anymore.

Bandit
is just the body-bag
of a soul that
was left behind
at
the train station.
**** out of luck.

Walking on the path to
bitterness.
Faded.
Jaded.
Perfectly posing
positivity.
With exceptional posture.

Because crying in public
is like throwing yourself
into the
lion's den.

I'm safer
at the
half-way-dead-house.

I can dream there.
Some-day that's a nice thought.

At this "time",

every piece of matter has a synthetic form.

legality has its perks.

But if you were thinking that the legal route,

was more beneficial.

I'm sorry, but you were misinformed.

We are the rulers of all we see, because our eyes created everything.
Because the mind rules the body,
the only thing one can own is their self .

Looking through Future's window
will only bring visions of despair.

Our hearts reject natural beauty for manufactured looks.

Empathetic people are the one's who get thrown under the bus
when traffic gets bad.
Fighting back hurts too much.
I couldn't replicate the pain you put me through, and throw it in your face.
Recovery prepares you for the battle,
to be the bigger person.

When you left earth,
you left me behind.
You said the ship only had one more seat
and my rocket will come when I'm ready.
I told you I didn't want this hell.
You apologized and walked into the bright white lights.
In old age,
I'll ask you to keep your apologies.
Because I have enough of my own.

Another relapse.
October nights will always be cold with out your fire.
Living harmoniously through all the pain will only bring you recovery.

She's got a cocktail personality and I need a quick fix.
I'll be at the bar.

An idea can save a life.
If everybody could get together to think of ways to mend what has been broken.
The world would be saved.
Feed your minds and let your thoughts grow.
You'll be the bigger person in the long run.

Burning like a match.

All I ask for is a shovel. I lost my roots, when I stepped outside my mind. To walk besides towers of false hopes, that stood higher than reality. Hallucinations of what could be always look better than the visions of what is. Like fool’s gold, my reality is also false.

Thoughts. In my thoughts, I sit alone. Watching the process I call my life continue for another day. A barred window is my only chance to see my body surrender to those bright white lights, without the compliance of my mind.

Retreating to the end of your mind, to converse with your fears is reckless endangerment. Some of us just live a little more dangerously.

Simple sunsets & the complexity of the circuit board. Leaving town, so we can laugh our lives away. Enlightenment is usually cloaked in lies. So we’ll spend our time running from the truth because that’s all one can do. Burning bridges to take the long way. Day to day life is just an escape from living.

In life, the soul is held captive in a flesh prison. But when the dream is over and my soul is freed, to fly into the emptiness of eternity. I will find you once again.

Burning like a match in the end we will be nothing more than ash. The great beyond is just a myth. Here today and gone tomorrow. Our hearts stop when the fire dies.



.

January 28th:
I don't eat the Doctor's candy anymore cause mama Earth's candy tastes better,
I'm not wasting my time being suicidal, I'm going to die someday anyways.
Everyday is a different trip. Life is just a drug.
January 29th:
FAIL.
January 30th:
Detox day one.
January 31st:
Day two went really well.

The feeling of quiting:

Is kind of like an internal bomb,
detonating & destroying
everything in its path.
&
When the fire finally dies and your covered in ash.
All you can do is wait for the rain to wash away the past & rebuild.
Congratulations, you've reached a good state of mind.

Welcome to Mania. I hope you enjoy your stay.

Blocking out the past.
Rewriting Today.
**** tomorrow, it may never come.
I don't make mistakes,
I learn from everything.  
Detox is hell in its own right.
But, addiction is the suicide process
in its finest form.
Ten years flew by
and four years drag on.
I'm hurt, angry, and terrified.
But I'll be just fine.



.

You’re
Here because your mind kidnapped you from your brain.
Now
Watch my soul walk right out of my shell.
The real-life
flesh prison.
It’s
Something to love and Something to hate.
Use it and abuse it.
And one Morning, you can "realize" that you really cared.
Time is nothing.
You're always the same.

Dead and Gone?
No, never gone,
Just kicking it on the bright side of life.
If i could remember.
I would find a way
to build a makeshift hallucination of your voice.

A fires burning out
& leaving nothing more than a handful of
Ashes.
You've lost everything.
Ashes to sand,
You've made something out of Nothing.
One day.
Some day, is always a nice thought.

You can't cry forever.
Eventualy.
You'll run out of tears and
it won't hurt as bad as it did at first.

I thought I wanted revenge.
I guess,
I wanted closure.
Turning the page and starting a new chapter.

The closest
is not just a home
for
******* & coats.
The earth isn't a straight line.
Its curved.
Your body is
just
a
skin-body-bag
for
your
soul.

Crayola-aura-colours
shading
the dry-sky
atmosphere.  

Everyone's under the rainbow,
if
Mother Nature says so.

Sup Chuck?
Up Chuck?
What the ****?
Chuck?
Lemme sip your
wood-chuck.

Lol

Don't tweak out
just because
they're tweaking with your
wires.

Keep your calm
&
give your fuse
a blow-out
*******.
I am
Better off alone anyways.

The Pill Poppers Proverb For Purchasing:

Only buy from friends
who'll give you
the solid truth.
Capsules can
carry lies
they could
have been
in
the hands
of ******-cold-heart
killer
or
careless self-proclaimed pharmacist?

It's hard to spot
a double agent
in a sea of sunglasses.
Stickwitchure gut.

I'm just gunna
hula-hoop
right through
your
loop
hole.

I'm dating
Debbie Downer
but I'm bi-curious
for Positive Paul.

I'm hungry.
I'm pissy.

Debbie, get back to
Betty.
& Bake me a cake.
I'll go hang out
with
Paul and his country ****.
Whoops,
I mean
Crock.

You can just keep *******'
in the kitchen.

Stay true,
even when
the sky's
not blue.

I'm talking
to a thousand
brick-wall minds too.
Some day,
a change will ***
and
**** the ****
outta dere brainz.
;)
owww-owww.

The full moon.
& a
full on
hard-on.

This is some
new rave-wave
break-break-break
beat down

*poetry.

It's ******* back.
Let's shake
it up
&
knock em' out.
Soul spit it.
Or swallow.
But whatever you do,
just fight back.

Whoops,
I done
bit
the apple too.
Guess,
I'll go
swing-dancing
on the blame scale
with Ever & The Serpent now.

I just want to go
dancing.
*****-stamp style.
All I need
is a steady pole
to dance on.
Hello, Wednesday nights.
Pass me the fifth
please.
I wanna get belligerent & cocky.

It goes.
Death, decay, destruction.
The fire will always destroy everything. So burn like a ******* match & make **** better.

Until then.
Dream-dream—dream
harder than your
hardest
hard-on.  
Then Ride it all the way to reality.
Or drink punch & die trying.
At least you, tried.
If not this time, there’s always next time.

Remember.
Create, Destroy, Rebuild.
Caterpillar, Cocoon, Butterfly.
Circular, Cynical, Cycle.

We create ourselves,
our lives,
our everything.
We build our homes,
our families, our whatevers.
A make-shift cure for lonliness.
A lil' love hut.
With an open
heart and an open door.
One day you'll
hear a,
knock-knock-knocking
on your door.

& When you open it.
The Bad News Bears
will come in and
break you down until there is
nothing,
even in
your own mind's house.

Right before your very,
bright light blue sky tear-drop colored eyes.
The real-life-dream will end. & You'll wake up.

Until then, sweet dreams. <3

I can keep my balance
on your tight rope of insecurity.
You say you're a two.
but baby, you shine like an eleven.
Covering my eyes with optimism,
cause all I see is pessimism.
Sometimes it’s better to be blind
then to see at all.
Black and white.
Day and night.
It’s too bad the color wheel
doesn't have a neutral shade.
I can't take sides anymore.
because both parties are wrong.

If you have ever felt 
like you're 
ready to just give up.
Cause the game
you're playing in
is full of cheaters.
Full of liars.
Full of false hopes.
&You; know you're never going to make it
out alone.
Welcome to the Love Cult.
We're underdogs too.

High-on
up
in this moment.
Until tomorrow,
knocks me
out of the sky.
The
bad news bears
have woken up  
and now they're
here to stay.
Sometimes,
I wish it
was
still
January.
So the weather
could replicate
the season of my
ice cold heart.

Shine on,
Because
you are beautiful
in words unknown.
If you could see
my dreams,
you
would see
what the mirror
doesn't want you to
know.
Loneliness is a mind set;
allow yourself to
be in good company.
you can't be
everybody's martyr.
November almost killed me
or maybe I was killing myself.
Throwing in the towel.
You gotta know when to call it quits.
or else you'll go out of control.
Turn the page, end the chapter.
Reinvented, reborn.
Call it whatever you please,
it’s all the same.
Nothing matters because everything is nothing
and nothing
is something.

Like lightning
or invisible light.
Faster than a bullet
shot from an angry pistol's mouth.
I could cry,
for all eternity.
But that won't get me anywhere.
I've got
places to be & People to see.
I may have spent the night with you
but,
my morning will start without you.

Hallmark heartbreak,
seasonal depression
all four
seasons of the year.
Individuals
will always feel lonely
on the most
celebrated days of the year.
Feeling feels.
Like you're
living
for
for someone/thing
else.
& You're 1/2 way there to them.
But your still
halfway here.
1/2 ghost.
I just don't want to take any
pictures
today.
Metaphor
shmetaphor.
I'm the
metaphor magician.
:)
& you're beautiful.
<3

Break
my <3

&
I'll
break
your
******’ spine.
I'll curb
stomp
your mind
right back into
the gutter
it was hiding in.

&
I'll kick
your lie- leaking
teeth in.

Guess all the
Cut cauterizing,
Lemon- juice,
bathtubs
I bled-out
in.
Messed me up.

My bad for messing around
with
a ***** up.

Cheer up
peanut,
butter cup.
Candy is
supposed to be
sweet.
Not bitter.
Unless you're
trying
to be
the dark side of the chocolate bar.
But no matter,
what ever
your taste is.
I'll
always come
back for
more.
Looks like
lust has me
ummm
uhhh
uhh-****-ted.
Until the
Dentist tells
me otherwise.

Making life-decisions
is like making shots.

You put,
1 count *****.
2 counts ***.
&
3 counts tequila.
In your mental mixer.

Then you shake it up.
Pour it out.
Chug it down ,
bite the lemon,
break the glass
and hit the
FLOOR.

Get belligerent & stupid.
Stumble through the
black alley emptiness
we call the world,

Smack a *****,
if he is trying to stop
you from going where
you're going.


You're going to make it,
even if you just end up in rehab.
You still wound up leaving
your home town.

Life is like drinking & driving.
You know you shouldn't.
But you
gotta do
what you
gotta do.

If I am the piece of
****
you're trying to convince me I am,
then why haven't you
gotten sick of the small
&
flushed me out of your life?
You can keep pleading your case
but you have to have the evidence
to back your story up.
It's all
a bunch of.
Loose ends
&
Sad Flaky *****.
This
won't hold up in court.

In vain,
we all act like
we're the center of the universe.
A cheap trick,
for a poor soul to postpone
the underlying
truth that your
parents cared
more about what was on t.v,
than what you did at school Today.
Stop trying
to cover-up.
Recover.

My phone's got no service
in this christian meets crazy.
Westboro baptist church.
When the negative sermon
is over.

I bet, I will
have
6 missed calls.
6 new voice mails.
&
6 texts
all from the
Lovely Lucy.
Looks like hell is
trying to get at me.
Someone wants my soul.
Maybe,
I'm going to be famous or somethin'.
Rapture Raptors.
I will be fed to the
feeding flames of infamy.

The anti-christ super-star auditions are at 3 a.m.
It's, 2 hours away!
I'm 7 years away.
Hope I make it to exit 27.
If not exit 40 works fine too.

Insomnia.
If only,
my fridge,
was filled with
beer and a couple
cans of food.
Drinking,
till
dawn.
Drowning out
the dark until
I see the sun
rise,
then I can
throw up
& pass out.

When I was little,
my parents used
to give me
spoonfuls of liquid dawn
and
chunks of bar soap.
To eat
when I swore.
Until I broke
wore them down,
to my court
and ruled
that
I will drink
dawn by the bottle
if I have to,
to keep my
words unfiltered.
True Love.
Drink Dawn & Die.

Watch my mouth?
Wash my mouth out?
With soap?
The ****?
Kiss my ***.
I get belligerent
when I'm drunk.
I'll go cry
behind a pine tree
for a couple hours now.

I'm living
The All-American,
Poor-White Trash Dream
& the world is my dumpster

The ship was
getting
closer and closer
to us
&
the safe-sandy shores.

Safety.
Healthy
at
long lifetime's last.


Midnight was coming close,
so they
took our candles
&
they took our matches.
&
tried to start a fire.

It would have worked.
If the doctors,
would have
noticed that
they
lit the
wrong wick.

Wish they would have
quit,
pretending to be
god-all-mighty
know-it-all's.

For a hot minute
to look and see
the fuse
they
actually ignited.

Ch-ch-chain
reaction.
In a real-life
action movie like
Implosion.

Explosion.
Decaying.
Dying.
Crawling.

I am
Sinking.
Our ship is sinking.

A break down
happened in the <3
of the ship's
circuit board.



This is how
drowning at the bottom
of a
Sad Sea
feels like.

Seeing parts of your life
blended in with the debris.

Hello, to the aftermath
of an
"accidental" explosion.
Created by a
self-detonating
toxic/atomic
bomb.

It
Broke the ****-Star-Board.
It
Broke my *******-<3
as well.

But even though,
I am ship-less
and stranded.

The ship still has four anchors above water.
Even though, the ship itself
is underneath the water.