I
don't want to
exist.
In
a
love-less
lust-lost
home either.

Let's run-run-run
run-away
to better
days.

Run away
from everything,
from everyone
to everywhere
and anywhere.

We deserve to look outside
the windows of a home,
not
a
half-orphan-orphanage.

The sun is shining somewhere.
Let's
go
sulking in the sunlight.
<3

Hello Stranger,
just
think nothing of my words.
I only feel obligated
to be kind
to you <3.

Love exists when its convenient
for hatred to take a day off.
& I think it's *******.

The darkness of a void abyss
is to cold,
for the frost frost
to icily
glaze-blaze it.  

So
Put away
your shovel,
in the end,
everything is brought to the surface.
No matter how
deep the ditch.

Flash-flood
tear storms,
weathered my
heart down
until.

My deepest-dream-wall
finally
broke
down.

It done
cracked a leak
&
flooded my heart.

Now,
whenever
I think about you.
I just go blank.


I can't
fake a smile & pretend to care,
when
I'm drowning
in the
heart-ache ocean.

So I'm not even trying anymore.

Bandit
is just the body-bag
of a soul that
was left behind
at
the train station.
**** out of luck.

Walking on the path to
bitterness.
Faded.
Jaded.
Perfectly posing
positivity.
With exceptional posture.

Because crying in public
is like throwing yourself
into the
lion's den.

I'm safer
at the
half-way-dead-house.

I can dream there.
Some-day that's a nice thought.

At this "time",

every piece of matter has a synthetic form.

legality has its perks.

But if you were thinking that the legal route,

was more beneficial.

I'm sorry, but you were misinformed.

We are the rulers of all we see, because our eyes created everything.
Because the mind rules the body,
the only thing one can own is their self .

Looking through Future's window
will only bring visions of despair.

Our hearts reject natural beauty for manufactured looks.

Empathetic people are the one's who get thrown under the bus
when traffic gets bad.
Fighting back hurts too much.
I couldn't replicate the pain you put me through, and throw it in your face.
Recovery prepares you for the battle,
to be the bigger person.

When you left earth,
you left me behind.
You said the ship only had one more seat
and my rocket will come when I'm ready.
I told you I didn't want this hell.
You apologized and walked into the bright white lights.
In old age,
I'll ask you to keep your apologies.
Because I have enough of my own.

Another relapse.
October nights will always be cold with out your fire.
Living harmoniously through all the pain will only bring you recovery.

She's got a cocktail personality and I need a quick fix.
I'll be at the bar.

An idea can save a life.
If everybody could get together to think of ways to mend what has been broken.
The world would be saved.
Feed your minds and let your thoughts grow.
You'll be the bigger person in the long run.

Burning like a match.

All I ask for is a shovel. I lost my roots, when I stepped outside my mind. To walk besides towers of false hopes, that stood higher than reality. Hallucinations of what could be always look better than the visions of what is. Like fool’s gold, my reality is also false.

Thoughts. In my thoughts, I sit alone. Watching the process I call my life continue for another day. A barred window is my only chance to see my body surrender to those bright white lights, without the compliance of my mind.

Retreating to the end of your mind, to converse with your fears is reckless endangerment. Some of us just live a little more dangerously.

Simple sunsets & the complexity of the circuit board. Leaving town, so we can laugh our lives away. Enlightenment is usually cloaked in lies. So we’ll spend our time running from the truth because that’s all one can do. Burning bridges to take the long way. Day to day life is just an escape from living.

In life, the soul is held captive in a flesh prison. But when the dream is over and my soul is freed, to fly into the emptiness of eternity. I will find you once again.

Burning like a match in the end we will be nothing more than ash. The great beyond is just a myth. Here today and gone tomorrow. Our hearts stop when the fire dies.



.

January 28th:
I don't eat the Doctor's candy anymore cause mama Earth's candy tastes better,
I'm not wasting my time being suicidal, I'm going to die someday anyways.
Everyday is a different trip. Life is just a drug.
January 29th:
FAIL.
January 30th:
Detox day one.
January 31st:
Day two went really well.

The feeling of quiting:

Is kind of like an internal bomb,
detonating & destroying
everything in its path.
&
When the fire finally dies and your covered in ash.
All you can do is wait for the rain to wash away the past & rebuild.
Congratulations, you've reached a good state of mind.

Welcome to Mania. I hope you enjoy your stay.

Blocking out the past.
Rewriting Today.
**** tomorrow, it may never come.
I don't make mistakes,
I learn from everything.  
Detox is hell in its own right.
But, addiction is the suicide process
in its finest form.
Ten years flew by
and four years drag on.
I'm hurt, angry, and terrified.
But I'll be just fine.



.

You’re
Here because your mind kidnapped you from your brain.
Now
Watch my soul walk right out of my shell.
The real-life
flesh prison.
It’s
Something to love and Something to hate.
Use it and abuse it.
And one Morning, you can "realize" that you really cared.
Time is nothing.
You're always the same.

Dead and Gone?
No, never gone,
Just kicking it on the bright side of life.
If i could remember.
I would find a way
to build a makeshift hallucination of your voice.

A fires burning out
& leaving nothing more than a handful of
Ashes.
You've lost everything.
Ashes to sand,
You've made something out of Nothing.
One day.
Some day, is always a nice thought.

You can't cry forever.
Eventualy.
You'll run out of tears and
it won't hurt as bad as it did at first.

I thought I wanted revenge.
I guess,
I wanted closure.
Turning the page and starting a new chapter.

The closest
is not just a home
for
******* & coats.
The earth isn't a straight line.
Its curved.
Your body is
just
a
skin-body-bag
for
your
soul.

Crayola-aura-colours
shading
the dry-sky
atmosphere.  

Everyone's under the rainbow,
if
Mother Nature says so.

Sup Chuck?
Up Chuck?
What the ****?
Chuck?
Lemme sip your
wood-chuck.

Lol

Don't tweak out
just because
they're tweaking with your
wires.

Keep your calm
&
give your fuse
a blow-out
*******.
I am
Better off alone anyways.

The Pill Poppers Proverb For Purchasing:

Only buy from friends
who'll give you
the solid truth.
Capsules can
carry lies
they could
have been
in
the hands
of ******-cold-heart
killer
or
careless self-proclaimed pharmacist?

It's hard to spot
a double agent
in a sea of sunglasses.
Stickwitchure gut.

I'm just gunna
hula-hoop
right through
your
loop
hole.

I'm dating
Debbie Downer
but I'm bi-curious
for Positive Paul.

I'm hungry.
I'm pissy.

Debbie, get back to
Betty.
& Bake me a cake.
I'll go hang out
with
Paul and his country ****.
Whoops,
I mean
Crock.

You can just keep *******'
in the kitchen.

Stay true,
even when
the sky's
not blue.

I'm talking
to a thousand
brick-wall minds too.
Some day,
a change will ***
and
**** the ****
outta dere brainz.
;)
owww-owww.

The full moon.
& a
full on
hard-on.

This is some
new rave-wave
break-break-break
beat down

*poetry.

It's ******* back.
Let's shake
it up
&
knock em' out.
Soul spit it.
Or swallow.
But whatever you do,
just fight back.

Whoops,
I done
bit
the apple too.
Guess,
I'll go
swing-dancing
on the blame scale
with Ever & The Serpent now.

I just want to go
dancing.
*****-stamp style.
All I need
is a steady pole
to dance on.
Hello, Wednesday nights.
Pass me the fifth
please.
I wanna get belligerent & cocky.

It goes.
Death, decay, destruction.
The fire will always destroy everything. So burn like a ******* match & make **** better.

Until then.
Dream-dream—dream
harder than your
hardest
hard-on.  
Then Ride it all the way to reality.
Or drink punch & die trying.
At least you, tried.
If not this time, there’s always next time.

Remember.
Create, Destroy, Rebuild.
Caterpillar, Cocoon, Butterfly.
Circular, Cynical, Cycle.

We create ourselves,
our lives,
our everything.
We build our homes,
our families, our whatevers.
A make-shift cure for lonliness.
A lil' love hut.
With an open
heart and an open door.
One day you'll
hear a,
knock-knock-knocking
on your door.

& When you open it.
The Bad News Bears
will come in and
break you down until there is
nothing,
even in
your own mind's house.

Right before your very,
bright light blue sky tear-drop colored eyes.
The real-life-dream will end. & You'll wake up.

Until then, sweet dreams. <3

I can keep my balance
on your tight rope of insecurity.
You say you're a two.
but baby, you shine like an eleven.
Covering my eyes with optimism,
cause all I see is pessimism.
Sometimes it’s better to be blind
then to see at all.
Black and white.
Day and night.
It’s too bad the color wheel
doesn't have a neutral shade.
I can't take sides anymore.
because both parties are wrong.

If you have ever felt 
like you're 
ready to just give up.
Cause the game
you're playing in
is full of cheaters.
Full of liars.
Full of false hopes.
&You; know you're never going to make it
out alone.
Welcome to the Love Cult.
We're underdogs too.

High-on
up
in this moment.
Until tomorrow,
knocks me
out of the sky.
The
bad news bears
have woken up  
and now they're
here to stay.
Sometimes,
I wish it
was
still
January.
So the weather
could replicate
the season of my
ice cold heart.

Shine on,
Because
you are beautiful
in words unknown.
If you could see
my dreams,
you
would see
what the mirror
doesn't want you to
know.
Loneliness is a mind set;
allow yourself to
be in good company.
you can't be
everybody's martyr.
November almost killed me
or maybe I was killing myself.
Throwing in the towel.
You gotta know when to call it quits.
or else you'll go out of control.
Turn the page, end the chapter.
Reinvented, reborn.
Call it whatever you please,
it’s all the same.
Nothing matters because everything is nothing
and nothing
is something.

Like lightning
or invisible light.
Faster than a bullet
shot from an angry pistol's mouth.
I could cry,
for all eternity.
But that won't get me anywhere.
I've got
places to be & People to see.
I may have spent the night with you
but,
my morning will start without you.

Hallmark heartbreak,
seasonal depression
all four
seasons of the year.
Individuals
will always feel lonely
on the most
celebrated days of the year.
Feeling feels.
Like you're
living
for
for someone/thing
else.
& You're 1/2 way there to them.
But your still
halfway here.
1/2 ghost.
I just don't want to take any
pictures
today.
Metaphor
shmetaphor.
I'm the
metaphor magician.
:)
& you're beautiful.
<3

Break
my <3

&
I'll
break
your
******’ spine.
I'll curb
stomp
your mind
right back into
the gutter
it was hiding in.

&
I'll kick
your lie- leaking
teeth in.

Guess all the
Cut cauterizing,
Lemon- juice,
bathtubs
I bled-out
in.
Messed me up.

My bad for messing around
with
a ***** up.

Cheer up
peanut,
butter cup.
Candy is
supposed to be
sweet.
Not bitter.
Unless you're
trying
to be
the dark side of the chocolate bar.
But no matter,
what ever
your taste is.
I'll
always come
back for
more.
Looks like
lust has me
ummm
uhhh
uhh-****-ted.
Until the
Dentist tells
me otherwise.

Making life-decisions
is like making shots.

You put,
1 count *****.
2 counts ***.
&
3 counts tequila.
In your mental mixer.

Then you shake it up.
Pour it out.
Chug it down ,
bite the lemon,
break the glass
and hit the
FLOOR.

Get belligerent & stupid.
Stumble through the
black alley emptiness
we call the world,

Smack a *****,
if he is trying to stop
you from going where
you're going.


You're going to make it,
even if you just end up in rehab.
You still wound up leaving
your home town.

Life is like drinking & driving.
You know you shouldn't.
But you
gotta do
what you
gotta do.

If I am the piece of
****
you're trying to convince me I am,
then why haven't you
gotten sick of the small
&
flushed me out of your life?
You can keep pleading your case
but you have to have the evidence
to back your story up.
It's all
a bunch of.
Loose ends
&
Sad Flaky *****.
This
won't hold up in court.

In vain,
we all act like
we're the center of the universe.
A cheap trick,
for a poor soul to postpone
the underlying
truth that your
parents cared
more about what was on t.v,
than what you did at school Today.
Stop trying
to cover-up.
Recover.

My phone's got no service
in this christian meets crazy.
Westboro baptist church.
When the negative sermon
is over.

I bet, I will
have
6 missed calls.
6 new voice mails.
&
6 texts
all from the
Lovely Lucy.
Looks like hell is
trying to get at me.
Someone wants my soul.
Maybe,
I'm going to be famous or somethin'.
Rapture Raptors.
I will be fed to the
feeding flames of infamy.

The anti-christ super-star auditions are at 3 a.m.
It's, 2 hours away!
I'm 7 years away.
Hope I make it to exit 27.
If not exit 40 works fine too.

Insomnia.
If only,
my fridge,
was filled with
beer and a couple
cans of food.
Drinking,
till
dawn.
Drowning out
the dark until
I see the sun
rise,
then I can
throw up
& pass out.

When I was little,
my parents used
to give me
spoonfuls of liquid dawn
and
chunks of bar soap.
To eat
when I swore.
Until I broke
wore them down,
to my court
and ruled
that
I will drink
dawn by the bottle
if I have to,
to keep my
words unfiltered.
True Love.
Drink Dawn & Die.

Watch my mouth?
Wash my mouth out?
With soap?
The ****?
Kiss my ***.
I get belligerent
when I'm drunk.
I'll go cry
behind a pine tree
for a couple hours now.

I'm living
The All-American,
Poor-White Trash Dream
& the world is my dumpster

The ship was
getting
closer and closer
to us
&
the safe-sandy shores.

Safety.
Healthy
at
long lifetime's last.


Midnight was coming close,
so they
took our candles
&
they took our matches.
&
tried to start a fire.

It would have worked.
If the doctors,
would have
noticed that
they
lit the
wrong wick.

Wish they would have
quit,
pretending to be
god-all-mighty
know-it-all's.

For a hot minute
to look and see
the fuse
they
actually ignited.

Ch-ch-chain
reaction.
In a real-life
action movie like
Implosion.

Explosion.
Decaying.
Dying.
Crawling.

I am
Sinking.
Our ship is sinking.

A break down
happened in the <3
of the ship's
circuit board.



This is how
drowning at the bottom
of a
Sad Sea
feels like.

Seeing parts of your life
blended in with the debris.

Hello, to the aftermath
of an
"accidental" explosion.
Created by a
self-detonating
toxic/atomic
bomb.

It
Broke the ****-Star-Board.
It
Broke my *******-<3
as well.

But even though,
I am ship-less
and stranded.

The ship still has four anchors above water.
Even though, the ship itself
is underneath the water.

Playing pretend *******
is
perfectly peachy-keen.

Don't be mean
and play em'
faster than a round of
pictionary.

Don't act cheap
and put out
at the lowest prices.

You're worth more money than that.
You can't rush magic,
but if you wanna set yourself
up in a
trap.

You can always
go
hook up with.

The
Strangers Of Today.

But you might end up
in bed with
the biggest mistake
of your life.

These
boring me
to boredom
real-life
board-games,
have got me all
over the charts.
Up and down
then
Down and up.
Again.


I wish,
I could,
phone a friend.
Or even the president,
someone's gotta
bail me out of
jail.
Bandit's behind bars,

But as soon as
my
third-time
is
a charm,
Luck.
starts to put
magic-moves
on the
love-life
dice.
I'll
***** the railroad
&
advance
to go.

Life
is only
s a coin toss.

Heads, is winning
&
Tails is losing.

If the silver says tails.

Just remember,
every life's
tale,
has two sides
to tell.

It's your story.
So, make
your **** better
NOW
&
flip the coin again.

If the silver says heads,
keep your's straight.

Goth Glam was a 2010 daydream.

I’ve detached myself
So far
From everything
That
When I got there
I realized,
I was staring at the very
edge of nothing
In the
Darkest parts of
Outer-mental space.
Space
Is
Cold&Empty;
So I am.
Here’s to finding
Light in darkness.
Until then,
I’ll be
Swimming in the slimming,
Black Sea.

Discoveries: Entry 117.

It’s been
a minute,
it's been
a few years.
Actually.
It’s true ,
that
you will never truly
miss someone.

Until you look
at your
own
reflection.

Only
to see
a ghost,
staring right
back at you,.

I'm just
going to put on
my shades,
cover my hears
and pay lip service.
I'm in the front
pew
of a mad house.
That lost it's meaning,
when money
started motivating
the message.

Until,
the day,
some day comes.
I'm just going
to keep
break, break,
breaking
my heart.
So I
can replicate,
create,
& relate
you,
your
darkest dreams
and
even more
terrifying night terrors.
Welcome, to
The Love Cult.
Bandit is speaking for you.
So you don't have to.

People are
either,
misread,
misunderstood,
misinterpreted,
or simply
not meant for this
time.
Retardation,
shouldn't be
allowed to exist.
For, putting
limitations on someone
that is amazing in
it's own right.
Is like judging
a
book
by it's cover.
In the real world,
judges
were supposed
to
bring justice
for those
who have been
jacked
off,
in the wrong way.
Somewhere
**** god bad.
Let's make it better.

It's Unfortunate
that
greed and all the other
deadly sins
have stolen
the meaning
of the message.
I think this is why
people can feel empty.
Untouchable,
Worthless,
Disgusting
& Ugly.
Even though
that's the
polar
bipolar
opposite
side of us.

Just because they're
in a dark, depressing
ditch of despair.
It
DOES
not mean,
you have to
join in
on the
pity into hate
Debbie Downer
party.
Garbage dumps
smell bad and no one
wants to be
in
or
near
them.
Stay outta da dumps.
Debbie Downer
can go down on herself.
Mean
people
can just
*******
till their parts bleed out.

The world
is still the
same old
factory,
ruled by
the
same old
idiots.

Who only care
about making it big
and taking
baths with all your money
hairy-***
gross-***
****-***
Naked.

  
They only want
to continue
bringing us all
down under the weather,
under their oppression.
Suppression.
Cause the only reason
why their ******* our **** up.
Is
cause they're ****** up &lemon-juice;
bitter
toward everyone
that has
a
sugar-sweet smile.  
A few years ago,
I asked myself
the question,
why
are people
so miserable, hateful
spiteful and everything else
that's not delightful?

The world
is full
of *****.
**** fight them
right back
with
your concealed confidence weapons.
There is a difference
between
being
Cocky & Confident.
Know it, live it, spread it.
Cause we're all beautiful
just no one ever says it
& Every now and then we need reassurance.
<3
You're beautiful & I love you.

Your
shoe landed on
my heart-space
and crushed all
of my
mental properties.

It was like
playing
real-life monopoly,
with all the
crooked banks.
& There is no light,
at the end of this tunnel.
No bail outs for me,
this time.


However,
next game we play,
I'll make sure it's not
twister.

I never
wanted to get
twisted up in your lies.

So this time,
I won’t
**** up
&
miss
YOUR
red-heart spot.

I'm not
going to fall
on my ***
in the middle of your
lust-pit board game.

Ever again.

I kept getting lost in your mind games.
So I took a risk and started building an empire.

I own The Board Walk & Parks Avenue now
& you’re in jail for three turns.
How’s it feel?
*****.

You're single
cause you’re not going
to sell
yourself short and
settle.
For anyone,
that doesn’t see you
as.
the mother *******,
beautifully-bound
to perfection,
<3 & soul.
That’s all stitched up
& sewed up in
one life-size,
skin coated,
beautiful, body bag.
Forget about.
**** whatever  
they said about you
in high school.
You’re better than bullies.
& The lies they spread
virally about you.
Now is your time,
to shine and
shut those
**** talking haters up!
Prove them wrong.
& Watch their jaws drop
down to their knees.
Keep shining brighter
than the sunlight.
Keep shining like
the star you
******* are.
Don’t, you
ever let them shut your confidence
In yourself off.


<3<3<3<3<3
If you ever need a friend.
You have Bandit & The Love Cult.
The world *****, we get it.
Let's change it.
<3 The Love Cult.

If you call for her,
she will always come
to greet you with a
haunting hello.
She can ****
your newly bought
full strength camera batteries
with one beyond the grave blow.
Her touch is like death
and Lucy is doing
a lil' tap dance on
her right shoulder.

She just wants you to stay out of the cemetery.
Stay out of her cemetery.
Out of her way.

Electrical Ghosts.
I'm glad that you
didn't have to fade
out of life
on support.
I feel sorry,
for all the new technologic ghosts.
Electrically wired into a circuit board of uncertainty and doubt.
That represent you in a series of
up
down,
up,
down,
down lines
that pace about
the pixilated to pharmaceutical perfection,
screened monitor
above your hospitol bed.

Meet My best friend,
His name is Billy Blue.
He gave the gift of inspiration
to the black and blue haired.
Uninspired Bandit.
Happy Birthday calendar,
I'm twenty now.
I've got about a year or so to make this work
or else
I'm going to have to strip my way through
beauty school.
I don't want to have
to be a part time ******* either,
I'd rather keep my shirt on.
Help a ***** out
and take me far away
from here.
Anywhere,
take me anywhere but here.
From the edge of the thought galaxy
all the way back into your arms again.
Some day,
one day,
It'll happen on the worst day,
like the ******* Tuesday
ever.
Only cause something
greater than ourselves
wants us to know
**** gets better.

High Times In Harvey Taylor!
Part! VII: 1(800) *******t-a-l-k-i-n-g.

No, I don't need another therapist.
I've seen seven.
7 is a lucky number,
so I'm going to keep it great and stay away from
number eight.
I'm not unsnane,
I think my soul just came out to play for a minute.
Cause this weeds got me too ****** to juggle
thinking,
writing
and breathing all once.
My brains just taking a cat nap.
Soul Spit.
Gagayngster style.
Love Cult represent.
Bandit's going to get out of the 1-(517)

High Times In Harvey Taylor!
Part VI: 1-(800) B-i-t-c-h-i-n-g.

Modern medicine magic.
My ***.
I'm dialing the 1-(800) number and *******
up a hurricane,
that's kin to Katrina.
Until the Doctors give me a refund.
Cause his solution,
to his pretend problem
with my brain.
Only made it worse.