Do it so you don't look bad.
Do it so it gets it out the way.
Do it so it keeps everyone happy.
Do it so it shuts everyone up

A smile to hide how forced you feel.
Some were you don't want to be.
Eyes on the door wanting to get away.
Stuck listening to mindless talk.

Counting to ten never does work.
You tell your self its only for awhile.
Everyone talking to you all at once.
Wishing you could have some peace.

Asking yourself why didn't you say no.
How hard is it to just use your mouth.
Feeling the anger build and build.
Sitting in a place worse than hell.

Can't listen to this small talk anymore.
Can't bear anymore news either.
Can't take the pointless conversations
Thats going no where.

Not saying no leaves you worse off.
Not saying no leaves you bored.
Not saying no leaves you stuck in hell.
Not saying no comes with a price to pay.

Say no fast mean it when you say it.

It just hurts.
To breathe
To move
To talk
To exist
To live.
There’s no motivation to move on.
To let go.
To live.
I’ve lost my way and
Ultimately, I’ve lost myself.
I don’t know who I am.
I feel as if I’m no longer worthy of living.
No longer worth waiting.
No longer worth anything.
I hate all who I am.
And I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for not being able.
Not being good enough.
Not being enough.
Or even good.
I tell everyone that
I’m good.
But I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t do this.
I’m losing it.
I’m losing my mind.
I’m losing myself.
I’m losing everything.
And honestly,
I’m just exhausted.
I’m just tired of failing.
And falling.
And faking everything.
I just want one person to just sit down.
And ask me how I truly am.
To look into my eyes, and be honest.
I just want to go out in the open, and…
SCREAM.
It’s like I’m being burdened with more and more weight everyday.
Every single day is like another layer of pain.
Another layer of hate and anger.
Sadness and grief.
Regret and rejection.
I can’t.
I can’t do this.
It hurts to see people happy.
To see people laughing.
It hurts to see people gathered together.
Unaware.
Of the subtle things.
Of the truth behind masks.
Of the brokenness of this world.
Of the brokenness of the people around them.
And it hurts.
It’s like being left on the side of the road
With a knife down your throat.
Because they all just want to be reassured.
Whether or not there’s a cure,
They don’t care.
Who cares, right?

In the distance, I hear:
Faint footsteps
Like the whispers of gossipers
In the corners
Eager to tell my darkest secrets

The sound of plastic against carpet
Like the pats against
Children's backs that
I never experienced.
That reassurance that
Someone cared about you.
Someone noticed you.  
Someone loved you.
Yeah, I never got that.

Muffled breaths
Like the sound of my tears
Drifting ever so quickly
Into my pillow as
I cry myself to sleep.

The oh so familiar
Whirring sound of a vacuum
Like the feeling when
My anxiety ***** up
The life out of me
Exhausts me until
I struggle for air.