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1.3k · Jun 2015
I'm Jealous
Rj Jun 2015
Okay so I am jealous
I'm jealous you have people
People who love you
People who think you're attractive
I'm jealous that even though
You have a lover,
You get more and more
While I stand here
Completely available
And draw in nothing
1.3k · Sep 2015
Forgettable
Rj Sep 2015
Okay. I am going to talk now.
And I'm not gonna be poetic
Rhyme, or make lines or stanzas. I'm just gonna talk. Because this is MY life, and MY opinion and this is a website where I can get out MY feelings. And I shouldn't have to feel like putting up a filter. I don't feel all that special, not standing next to some people. I feel like, like I'm not someone that you'd say "wow I like your outfit" or "wow I like your voice". Because guess what. I wear lame tee shirts from football games three years ago with jean shorts because I don't have TIME or money to shop for appealing clothes to where I can express myself. I can't make an aesthetic. My parents are always telling me how much of a selfish person I used to be. So I DONT ASK for clothes anymore. If I did, it would be so out of the ordinary, the answer would be a painful no. But this isn't about clothes. It's about Never being noticed. I swear sometimes I am wearing the invisibility cloak from Harry Potter. I know quite a few people with a list TO THEIR KNEES on how many people they KNOW care about them. People they can say for SURE care about them. My list. Well you can't call two or three people a list can you? Maybe it's because I don't have those characteristics that draw people to me. I don't have that "strong presence". I don't. I am Miranda Kramer. A junior who looks more like a freshman. When I talk, people don't turn their head to look. When I speak, I find over and over again people talk over me. So, naturally, I don't talk as much as I used to. Yes, rejection is a fear of mine, and so is being ignored. Being replaceable. And YES I wrote a poem about this before, but I don't think I can stress enough that I don't have that twinkle in my eye. I don't have the cute smile that lights up the world. I can't list a single thing that makes me unique, yet I know I am. I know everyone is. But is it true or not that some people are more unique than others? Imagine a sapling. A cute, small, unique pine sapling. Now picture that sapling sitting at the root of a giant oak tree. No one sees the sapling anymore do they? Well that's how I feel compared to most everyone else. People who feel loved, who KNOW people care about you, I am so happy you have that list. I hope you keep adding to it. I'll sit here. Holding the pencil in my sweaty hand, anxious, because I can't tell if that person cares about me. Do they? Or am I forgettable? Am I forgettable? Am I? I can't really tell anymore. I can't really tell anymore
Don't read too deep into it. It's just an entry, I haven't written like this in a while. A shoutout to MF for getting me started on this rant with a great poem recently added. Anyways this isn't really for others, it's more for me
1.3k · Mar 2015
Louisiana
Rj Mar 2015
Before the hurricane, in my youngest years things were extremely different
My outlook on Louisiana was a place of water and happiness
I was six years old, and boating was what I did for fun every single day
Boating was what basketball is to me today, a treasure, an outlet
The bayous were alive, the marshes were green, and the trees fruitful
You could smell the salty mud, (which smells very different from a beach)
Our white propeller boat sped to the lake, and lake mist sprayed our faces
Fishermen and crabbers littered the banks, pulling in flailing lively catches
We ate the fruits of their labor at the Cajun restaurant on the bayou, inwards
This was no commercial place, but only the locals had ever been
It was rough, light blue paint peeling, men with grey beards laughing
And the smell of fresh fried catfish had taken over the place,
Perhaps the most unique thing about it was the way to get to it, strictly by boat
My childhood is colorfully painted with these memories, however,
The real life experiences have been swept away in the muddy currents
The restaurant was knocked off its stilts and demolished,
The trees now branchless, dead, and the marshes are hues of yellow and brown
No longer is the water lively, but still, no longer is it safe to dive to the bottom
For fear of remains of houses, boats, glass puncturing our bodies
I consider myself lucky to get to experience that everyday, the bayou was my backyard
That was the Louisiana that is on postcards, not the usual experience of suburbs
That was the Louisiana I used to know, the Louisiana that is no more in my life
1.3k · Sep 2014
Me summary #2
Rj Sep 2014
Thunderstorms are an obsession
But, I'm afraid of lightning
I eat too much, but I'm thin?
Grizzly bears are beautiful
Orcas are even better
Drawing is a way to express myself
I'm constantly wishing I could sing
Still crushing on a teacher
I'm having problems seeing my future
What's so wrong with **** dad?
Bob Marley is a role model
New bible, new look on things
Give me all the puppies
Consider myself a hippie,
But not the stereotype
Men and women are both nice
Never had a relationship
I am partly asexual
Competitiveness is a weakness
Loving life, most of the time
1.3k · Jun 2015
Past Tense
Rj Jun 2015
All I can say is, it wasn't like anything before
1.3k · Oct 2014
Eye contact
Rj Oct 2014
I don't like eye contact
I will not hold it,
Except for special occasions
But my eyes prefer to look
At ones lips when the talk
Then dart around
Sketching a mental picture
Of the surroundings
Like if I become too enveloped
In the person talking
They will see through my pupils
And into my mind
1.3k · Sep 2014
My future life
Rj Sep 2014
Includes the following:
Getting my scuba license,
Leaving to swimming with sharks
In which I'll trade in my fins for wings
And hanglide through the mountains
Then I'll cut off my wings and fall
Skydiving in the India,
And while I'm in India I might as well
Go on a mission trip and help the poor,
Speaking of helping, I'll go to Africa
And help out at one of the reserves
And experience African wildlife
And if we are talking about wildlife
I'll live in Alaska for a year,
Maybe I'll get some shots of bears
Then maybe somewhere in between all of this I'll squeeze in college
1.2k · Oct 2014
Idiot
Rj Oct 2014
this isn't a poem*
I'm a ******* idiot
How could I be so stupid
How could I let this happen
I'm an idiot
That won't tell the truth
Because I don't want to hurt
Anyone anymore
I hate myself for this. But there is no telling anyone about what happened now, can't afford to hurt people
1.2k · Jun 2018
Untitled
Rj Jun 2018
I’m losing my humanity
1.2k · Jan 2015
Two Worlds
Rj Jan 2015
Part of me is half awake in this world
Eyes wandering the classrooms and halls
My mind is hardly active in this world
And then, part of me roams my memory
Half of me is off trekking smoky mountains
I'm riding a ski lift up Mt Werner, snow.
It's autumn here in the Smokies, crisp
The leaves are vibrant reds and yellows
And a mountain stream trickles by
My feet go numb in the icy stream,
Here is where I pop off my skis to listen
To the sweet sound of alpine fir trees
Here is feeding the squirrels in Yosemite
And hiking to a water fall, testing my faith
Cramming snow into my mouth,
Followed by hot chocolate at a cabin
Here is Appalachian Summers and picnics
And Rocky Mountain Winters and snow
Or slipping under the turquoise blanket
And exploring underwater caves in Hawaii
Memories are so dear, and always reappear
When everything around me is monotonous
I let myself rediscover what was once mine
And I don't even have to close my eyes
To be part of this beautiful world
1.2k · Aug 2014
Just satisfactory
Rj Aug 2014
Somehow today I saw disappointment on your face
And something just snapped inside of me
How does my 4.125 GPA not please you?
How does balancing my honor role with
Being one of the starters on the basket ball team
unsatisfactory
How does going to ******* Tulane for neuroscience
Not good enough.
What about going to state for track WHILE
maintaining mostly A's just okay
I get this feeling you don't appreciate me
As much as you should,
A daughter that her reasoning for striving
To do everything perfectly
Is to please you
Because I feel like I still haven't quite done it yet.
1.1k · Oct 2014
Sexual?
Rj Oct 2014
Even though I'm not so asexual anymore
Remind me again why I would be ******
If I don't have a good enough body to attract like that
1.1k · Nov 2015
Sin
Rj Nov 2015
Sin
Do you like the way it makes you sick?
Do you swim in the nauseous waves?
How do you live through the guilt
How do you live through the shame
Do you get the feeling afterwards
That you're even more lost and sad
Than before?
1.1k · Apr 2015
Pretending
Rj Apr 2015
I'd like to pretend I lean in and kiss you
I'd like to pretend I look like her,
I'd like to pretend everyone looks at me
But in reality I'm just a girl in a Steamboat Sweatshirt
With a dorky smile that makes her face wrinkle
Who is ignored more than she'll admit
And still winces slightly when seeing a mirror
But I think I'll go back to pretending
It's much more fun anyways...
Which ***** lol
1.1k · Feb 2015
Grateful
Rj Feb 2015
Despite my frustration towards my appearance
I am actually quite grateful with everything have
I know I, and others, take it for granted sometimes
1.1k · Dec 2015
Sexual Purity
Rj Dec 2015
If we were all pieces of cloth
And our ****** purity was represented
Some peoples would be stained,
Others maybe even torn,
But my cloth would be pretty clean
And that's okay too
I'm not attacking anyone whose engaged in ****** acts. I'm just thinking that people always look down or belittle the people who haven't done those things. But you know what? It's not a bad thing
1.1k · Feb 2015
Wishy Washy
Rj Feb 2015
You know all I want is to lay in the grass
On a hill with a slight breeze, and it's warm
And listen to wind chimes and someone else's
Steady breathing
1.1k · May 2015
Gay
Rj May 2015
Gay
I look and you look away
Accidentally we lock eyes
Stop staring, what will they say?
This is a secret, keep it in
We have to stay quiet,
Never tell of our sin
When we look can they see
The love between you and me
If they did we would run away
This is the price for being gay
A poem for those people who fear showing their love
1.1k · Dec 2014
Hormones
Rj Dec 2014
Maybe these aren't hormones
But my true feelings coming out
And proving me wrong
For the second time in my life
1.1k · Apr 2016
Help Me to Love Myself
Rj Apr 2016
Help me to love the parts of myself I hate
Help me to love my nose, chin, and smile and hair
Help me to love my body, chest and hips and legs
Help me to love my personality, my bad jokes, awkwardness, and loud mouth
Help me to love myself
Please
Help me to love myself
1.1k · Jan 2015
Cliché
Rj Jan 2015
I'm getting tired of saying *****
Or using the phrase '**** my ****'
I'm tired of talking about grades
I'm through hearing about white shirts
Can we come up with anything else
To have a friendly, fun conversation?
1.1k · May 2015
Injuries
Rj May 2015
There are some injuries you cannot see
Some injuries you won't get to in time
1.1k · Mar 2014
Who Am I?
Rj Mar 2014
what if I'm not that deep person who can write with a certain flow with her words,
what if I'm not that person with a boyfriend, who gets closer and closer to losing her virginity,
what if I'm not the giggly girly shopping gossip girl who doesn't get ****** jokes,
what if I'm not into series of tv shows and don't get hooked on to them and grip them with my life,
what if I'm not the boyish one who makes ***** jokes and seems like the tom boy,
what if I'm not the smartest girl in the grade with top averages who will gets straight As.
everyone has these reputations. everyone is known for something special
what am I? Who do people think of me as? That one friend who is like the others?
Is the freaking shadow of everyone. the follower?
Well this 'follower' has dreams too. Wild ones. She also has deep poems etched in her being
She has a ****** side (doesn't everyone?) and dreams of wild dreamy guys
She is girly deep within sometimes. theres an itch to wear nice clothes and shop (RARELY)
She has a few fandoms, though she doesn't worship them, and create her personalty from them
She is a tom boy, but she doesn't constantly talk about it, even though she acts like one
She is smarter than some think, so don't call her Stupid! that was drilled into her head years ago (No need to remind)
She does dream and does have obsessions, she does read up and research things!
But i wonder if anyone will notice? I wonder if anyone knows I've finally figured out i know what i am
I am a little bit of everything. But since I'm not any of the extremes, I won't be noticed
1.1k · Dec 2015
Bedsheets
Rj Dec 2015
My bedsheets are soaked in memories and emotions
A stain of blood there, some drips of tears there,
A warm imprint of people who once held each other there
I put them in the wash, but they don't seem to come out
1.0k · Jan 2015
Maturity Levels
Rj Jan 2015
Everyone I know has worked backwards
Everyone is becoming more and more immature
Truly acting like the teenagers they really are
That's also including me, but at least I'm noticing
We are sixteen years old, time to start acting like it
Addressed to everyone
1.0k · Aug 2014
Friends
Rj Aug 2014
I like the idea of friends snuggling
And holding hands all the time
But anything more and I'm asexual
I've always talked about love
And wanted to kiss, and 'stuff'
Who doesn't?
But I realized if I actually picture it
I freak out. I can't do it.
Maybe it's because I haven't found
Someone I am completely and utterly
Invested in, that might be it.
So until then,
I'll make the bestest of friends
1.0k · Dec 2014
Racist Chat
Rj Dec 2014
Your mother and I have a lot of trust for you
We know you wouldn't do this but we thought we'd reiterate
If you know anyone dating a black man,
You are to tell us and will never talk to that person again
I grew increasingly infuriated by this chat
So what if it were an Asian man? Would you let me date them?
My dad shifts, shocked I would have a counter question
Well I guess that would be okay, only because
They come to America striving to do their best
However, if prefer it'd be a white man
You see. Black people do not try. They have attitudes
And it's becoming a fad to hang out with them
It took all of my will to not lunge at him
My mother chimes in,
The the bad attitudes of some black people
Pull down the reputation for the entire race
It shouldn't be that way, I mutter
My dad leans forward, why are you sticking up for them
He begins to scream, my trust has dropped!
Stop trying to argue because their is no argument!
No matter what you say it'll be a NO
And it seems like your being suspicious
So to clear things up, YOU WILL BE KICKED OUT OF THIS HOUSE
If you ever date a black person.
The tears flow like a broken pipe and I shutter,
*Not because I can't date a black man, but because of the inequality and racism that my parents reek of
995 · Oct 2014
Party?
Rj Oct 2014
Lets all get together
Have a little party
And all make out
lol. This is just a funny dream I had.
993 · Aug 2015
Heidi
Rj Aug 2015
Heidi hoo
My baby boo
I raised you
I love you
I miss you too
Heido hoo
Heidi hoo
I know
You're fine
Honey poo
My sweet baby
My sweet girl
I want you to know
You are my world
Heidi hoo
Heidi hoo
I'll never stop looking
For you
My dog ran away. I love her. I miss her. My dogs are the ones who are always there for me. I talk to them and love them. I raise them. They are the constant stable relationship. A friendship that won't leave me. I know I'll always be number one in her heart. I know she's safe. She has to be safe. God let her be safe.
988 · Apr 2014
Unimportant
Rj Apr 2014
I remember when you would search the halls for me
Now you don't.
you look for Him.
Him who your in love with
Him who replaced me.
Not that i loved you that way.
i loved like a sister, and now your gone
I remember today when I smiled seeing you in the hall
You smiled back and started to walk to me
As we got close I got ready to say hi,
but you brushed past me to him.
I normally wait for y'all. but whats the point?
when i do y'all take forever nuzzling,
Then you walk with me, but never look at me,
You're too busy gazing at him.
So i left today, walked away. I hope you noticed
But you didn't.
I miss you, but I'm over that now.
Im over y'all together and me behind.
You're still one of my best friends,
But i feel so.. unimportant.
SOOO peace.
971 · Nov 2015
Missing Steamboat
Rj Nov 2015
I'm missing the smell of sunscreen splattered in white blotches across my wind chapped cheeks, that will soon blend in with the snow
I'm missing the three layers of socks I yank on and stuffing my boots with shakeable hand warmers because my toes always freeze
I miss the sound of heel toe heel toe heel toe as the hard plastic boots click against grated metal stairs down to the buses
I miss the smell of hot chocolate and barbecue in the air and snow flurries tenderly kiss my face floating downwards
I miss the sound of the chair lifts thud thud thud and clicking my skis together to shake off the fresh powder that has accumulated
I miss the sound of my poles hitting each other accidentally, and the dots they make in fresh champagne powder between the glades
I miss the feeling of relief when I ski into the four points lodge by sunshine peak and grab a cafeteria trey and get my usual macaroni and cheese
I miss the feeling of watching snow flurries melt as they land inside my hot chocolate that tastes cheap and watery but so warm
I miss singing songs on the lifts, especially the quads, and deciding which runs to do next, black blue or green?
I miss saying mountain words like "elk head, jackrabbit, slopes, hockey stop, sunshine express, morningside, storm peak, thunder- head" the list goes on
I miss feeling completely at home in a helmet, huge goggles, fleece chilis and a ski jumper
I miss Steamboat, I miss skiing, I can't wait for this year.
969 · May 2014
Love
Rj May 2014
Maybe love was never meant for me.
Maybe love can't find me
Love died in a plane crash,
Trying to reach me when I fell for people
So love never happened.
I visit loves grave sometimes
Those old crushes, where love never made it
I hope loves flight is not crashed
I hope it's just delayed
Rj Feb 2016
In a world where it's not safe to be queer
A world where people actually **** themselves
Because not everyone accepts how they love
It it could quite possibly be a very dangerous thing
To out someone, revel their ****** orientation
And I have to say, reveling that kind of information
Is a very cruel, and potentially damaging thing to do
And if one cares at all about quality of life, or even quantity of life at all
If one knows at all about what it's like to be queer
I urge them not to even consider such a damaging thing .
What kind of "changed" or "better" person
would ever contemplate such a thing?
Even telling one person you think won't tell could end up in a crowd of rumors and judgement. If someone reveals to you their ****** orientation, it is yours to keep safe. I know I said I was taking a break but I've heard a lot about this and have had experience and I thought I'd share.
952 · Feb 2015
Chocolate Rum
Rj Feb 2015
Rose pillows
Chocolate ***  
Candied kisses
Sugar plum
Smooth intentions
Lacey peeks
Soft and warm
Embarrassed kinks
948 · Sep 2015
Over sensitive
Rj Sep 2015
I'm over sensitive okay?
I over analyze
I over think
But I can't shake the feeling
That I am just not
The kind of person you love
Hold, or care about
In ridiculous. And I'm genuinely sorry for maybe being annoying. Really. Just. Things happen, small things. And they make me really really really sad.
945 · Feb 2015
Annoyance
Rj Feb 2015
Sometimes I think I'm just an    
annoyance to other people
Sometimes I think I should just
Stop talking and stay away
938 · Dec 2014
Prince
Rj Dec 2014
What if she grew up believing she was the prince
And not the princess
931 · Dec 2014
Uncle B and Pe Paw
Rj Dec 2014
who are you?
are you the little girl I used to hold?
do you remember me?
do you remember yourself?
bright eyed, spirited
you're different Miranda
why can't you remember
*who you are
Who you are. I know cliche. Uncle ***** (don't laugh) and Pe Paw Nathan are two very close people to me who have passed away. They were the closest people to God I've ever known. These are  just questions I was asked by them in my recent dreams..
929 · Jan 2016
Mechanic
Rj Jan 2016
I lay expressionless
Sick and mechanic
It'll get better I hope
921 · Aug 2015
Marshmallow World
Rj Aug 2015
It's a marshmallow world made for sweethearts
Take a walk with your favorite guy
Ugh I can't stop thinking about Christmas. It's my absolute favorite time of year and I have Marshmallow World Stuck in my head
892 · Sep 2014
Routine
Rj Sep 2014
I feel as though I'm in a cage,
School, work, eat, sleep,
A never ending cycle forming
A life of daily routine, not surprises
One day we have to stop and ask
did God really put us here
to get stuck in a boring routine
did God create beautiful life
just to work, pick up groceries, eat
I don't believe God created this world,
So big, un- discovered, beautiful
So that we can hunker down
In a concrete subdivision
And let routine slowly tear away
At the *dreams we once had
886 · Oct 2014
Long Hugs
Rj Oct 2014
I just want to hug everyone
And clutch them tight
For *more than five seconds
884 · Mar 2015
Continue to Write
Rj Mar 2015
My thoughts are slow
My words are stale
But I continue to write
These words don't rhyme
These lines don't fit
But I continue to write
These metaphors are used
These feelings aren't unique
Yet I continue to write
883 · Sep 2014
Flips
Rj Sep 2014
It's funny how when I learned to tumble in gymnastics,
I never thought it would just be my hands and legs doing flips,
Because now you have my heart doing
them
Hehe. Ma bad;)
874 · Nov 2014
Untitled
Rj Nov 2014
Hey I'm the girl without hips or a ****,
But I sure like moving them
Hey I don't have much *****,
But I never said I didn't like others
Hey I blush and giggle like crazy
But Im on top of you in my mind
That escalated quickly. Sorry this isn't normally my thing, and I'm so awkward :|
874 · Dec 2014
Fizzy
Rj Dec 2014
Today I felt a little more bubbly
Like a soda can,
Someone shook me up,
And I was almost exploding
Everyone needs to keep shaking
Because I like being fizzy
871 · Dec 2014
Complicated
Rj Dec 2014
What is this
I thought
I figured it out
868 · Aug 2015
Cheeky Smiling
Rj Aug 2015
I found myself cheekily smiling today
The type of smile I only do rarely
The type of smile that hasn't visited
This earth in a real good while
I want to smile like that everyday
I want to look stupid while grinning
Like a fool,
Because that feeling that bubbles up
When I smile like that,
It is rivaled by no other
852 · Oct 2015
Pepto Bismol
Rj Oct 2015
Behind closed lids, my eyes darted back and forth
As if trying to see something in the darkness,
As if the dreams were real, the thoughts, the tales
I knew from that point, sleep would not come easily
Suddenly the posters on my walls flew about,
Trying to confuse me, just like the furniture,
I rehearsed the words I would say, if suddenly, one day
And I tossed and turned, wide awake, eyes shut tight
Hiding my face from the furniture, and posters
And eventually I shakily tip toed to the kitchen
And gulped down two giant table spoons of pink liquid
As a last stitch effort to remind myself I was not being watched
When I was little, I had nightmares, and insomnia really. Just couldn't sleep because of the bad guys. So I would stay awake shaking until I got the nerve to get my numb body out of bed and beg my mom to give me something to cure my made up stomach ache. Every night, I would drink pepto Bismal so that I could walk hand in hand with my mom down the hall and through my house, and I would hesitantly check every corner of the dark house to make sure everyone was safe. Last night, embarrassingly enough, I got scared, and for the first time in a long while I drank some more of that comforting liquid
849 · Mar 2016
Preemie
Rj Mar 2016
I was born premature
I came out tiny, skinny,
A whopping 3 pounds and whatever ounces
My parents told me they didn't expect me to have full use of my lungs
But I did
Premature babies don't grow very quickly in early childhood
But I don't think I ever saw that
I mean I always knew I was small
But I never realized how small
Looking back at all the pictures of me,
I was always the smallest, skinniest, and shortest kid around
The boys would scoop me up and carry me down the halls,
But not in the cute princess way
It was more of tossing around a toy
And I'd sit there kicking the hell out of them screaming to put me down
But it never occurred to me there was a reason I was so small
It was fourth grade and I weighed a whopping 47 pounds, the boys still carried me off, and I still didn't take it
Turns out, puberty wouldn't hit me like it would hit all the other girls
In fact, there wasn't even a need for my mom to have "the talk" with me
In fact, at seventh grade I didn't know what the hell a period was
I didn't even where bras.
In fact the first day of high school I wasn't wearing a bra!
And I cried the first day when I realized that ******* everyone had bras on and I didn't even own one
And to my dismay I realized my mom had actually bought my little sister bras, but I didn't have any
And I was the point of interest at hushed family get togethers
Hearing hushed conversations like
Poor baby, it obviously won't happen any time soon
Im sure she will catch up
And I certainly didn't realize why my little sister was taller than me, bigger than me, and now curvier than me!
That was my job ******.
And my favorite was when my mom introduced us to friends and they would always ask my younger sister how high school was and I would have to interrupt and say "Hi I'm the oldest actually"
I never thought it to do with the timing of my birth
But now I'm discovering that it turns out preemies are at high risk for physical developmental problems, learning disabilities (especially with math), ADHD, depression, psychosis, and anxiety in the teenage years
And much more likely if the birth weight was under 4 pounds! (Me)
But just like when I was four and the boys carried me and took turns lifting me off my feet
I won't let it stop me
I won't let it get to me
Being a preemie is tough.
Especially when you were born as early as I was, and as small as I was
I'll always look younger, I'll never look my own age, and I'll never be very curvy,
But I guess that's just something to add to the list of things that are supposed to hold me back.
I won't let them
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