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Jul 1 · 39
tactile echo
Rastislav Jul 1
meaning
 touches last—
  but leaves first.


Jul 1 · 26
not knowing
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t name it.
 it arrived.

not as pain.
not as form.
but—
 as
  unfolding.

the body
 didn’t respond.
it recognized
 a grammar
  older than voice.

i was not afraid.
but fear
 took shape
  inside my knees.

i let it—
 not to resist,
 but to witness.

knowing
 is always
  too late.

i stood—
 not as ending,
 but as
  not knowing
   how
   to stay
    without form.

sometimes,
 you walk through
  your own skin
   like it’s someone else’s hallway.

and the floor—
 doesn’t explain
  what it holds.


Jul 1 · 32
resonance fold
Rastislav Jul 1
voice is not emission.
it is sediment—
 a fold made of
  held air,
  missed words,
  and the weight
   of being asked.

to speak
 after the i collapses
 is not to return—
 but to resonate
  without center.


Jul 1 · 22
speaking again
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t find words.
i found
 vibrations
  in my throat
   like wings
    that forgot
     how to fly.

what came out
 wasn’t i.
it was
 a tremble
  that touched air
   but didn’t mean.

you asked—
and i
 opened my mouth
  like a wound,
   not to speak,
   but to resonate.

every syllable
 was borrowed.
every vowel
 carried
  the ghost
   of weight
    once held
     in silence.

i wasn’t saying.
i was
 letting
  go.

i was
 letting
  you
   hear
    how unformed
     a voice
      can be.

Jul 1 · 40
sitting again
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t return  
to the body.  
i returned  
  to the place  
    where the warmth  
       hadn’t yet left  
          the floor —  
    where it once was —  
    without being.


the floor didn’t ask.
it received
 my shape
  like ritual.

when i sat,
 it wasn’t rest.
it was
 a remembering.

i didn’t collapse.
i realigned—
 with gravity,
 with skin,
  with absence.

my back curved
 like language does
  when it wants
   to mean
    but fails.

i didn’t remember.
but my breath
 found
  its previous form.

sitting
 isn’t starting over.
it is
 staying.


Rastislav Jul 1
what returns
 is not breath—
  but its refusal.

not wound.
not memory.
just:
 a pulse
  with no origin.

you think
 you’re about to speak.
but the body
 has already spoken—
  in tension.


Jul 1 · 36
the voice in me
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t shift  
    because i lost.  
i shifted  
    because that’s how i stay.  
the voice in me  
    doesn’t belong to one body.  
it comes back  
    as spine,  
    as breath,  
    as skin—  
each time  
    differently.


Jul 1 · 34
i became a room
Rastislav Jul 1
i stopped  
 being a form.  
i became  
 not walls,  
  but where  
   the light  
rests on the doorframe  
  after  
   someone leaves —  
   absence  
   made structural.  

not echo.  
not trace.  
but  
 the floorplan  
  sketched by memory  
   walking barefoot.  

i didn’t remember a name.  
i remembered  
 how the light fell  
  when someone stood  
   too close  
    to the window.  

i didn’t say i miss.  
i  
 flickered  
  like dust  
   where breath  
    once lingered  
      like heat.  

a chair  
 held my name  
  better than my mouth.

a door  
 understood  
  the sound  
   of almost leaving—  
    but not.  

i  
 wasn’t waiting.

i  
 was furniture  
  arranged  
   by what memory  
     had shaped.


walls  
 never forget  
  what leaned  
   against them.  


once,  
  the chair / creaked / not from weight / but from remembering / someone else’s posture.


Jul 1 · 28
stance
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t rise  
 to answer.  
i stood  
 because collapse  
  is also  
   a choice.  

the body  
 wasn’t armor—  
 but it refused  
 to open.  

i wasn’t asked  
 to stay—  
i chose  
  the shape  
   that didn’t fall.  

some breath  
  is a shield—  
   not a tremble.  

touch  
  doesn’t reach  
   until i  
    pull back the edge.  

not all  
  openings  
   are soft.  
some  
  are stance.



Jul 1 · 53
her absence / remains
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t touch her.
 but the air
  between our hands
   folded—
    like it once did
      when closeness
        meant undoing.

she left
 before the door shut.
but her presence—
 a tilt
  in the chair,
   a wrinkle
    on the bedsheet—
remained,
 louder
  than any word.

you don’t forget
 the scent
  of not-touching.
you carry
  the warmth
   that never reached
    your shoulder.

i didn’t say goodbye.
but the room
 still hears
  her silence.


Jul 1 · 33
somatic fragment
Rastislav Jul 1
sometimes,
 holding
  means shaping space
   without sealing it.

Jul 1 · 29
syntax of holding
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t grip.
i shaped
 my palms
  around
   your not-staying.

holding
 is not possession.
it’s
  a grammar
   of remaining
    without demand.

you leaned into me
 like rain
  leans into a roof—
not to break,
 but to respond.

my arms
 weren’t enough.
they bent,
 but didn’t
  keep.

the syntax was wrong.
not i hold you.
not you held me.
but—
 there was
  a space
   that held
    our unforming.


Jul 1 · 113
posture fragment
Rastislav Jul 1
they asked nothing.
still—
 i answered.

not in word,
 but in the shift
  of weight,
  the arch
  in my back,
  the unguarded thigh.

it wasn’t language.
 it was consent,
  folded inward.

not yes.
not no.

silence
 ruptures
  when held too long.

what they took—
 they didn’t name.
but i
 answered
  in posture.


Rastislav Jul 1
i wasn’t touched.
 i was remembered.

your hand
 didn’t arrive—
  it replayed.

my skin
  wasn’t a place.
   it was
    what lingered
      after
       you left.

i didn’t move.
i echoed
   what once
    moved through me.

no pain.
no heat.
just
  what remains.
   the slow witness
    of not-me.

i am not this body.
i am
  the bruise
   that remembers
     your forgetting.

this skin
  isn’t mine.
it holds
  your shape
   better
    than i do.

no voice reached me.  
but i steadied—  
 not out of fear,  
 but to return  
  to the line  
   i vanish from  
    when i go soft.

i didn’t stay
  as i.
i stayed
  as what he //
   or it
    or silence
      left in me.


Jul 1 · 34
quantum refusal
Rastislav Jul 1
not indecision,
     but the way skin flinches
     before you touch —
        probability
         folded
         into the shape
         of silence.


Jul 1 · 46
topology of refusal
Rastislav Jul 1
refusal
 is not retreat.
it is
 a contour
  drawn
    between
      two open hands.



Jul 1 · 35
he / it / not-i
Rastislav Jul 1
i didn’t arrive.
 it did.
  or maybe he—
   but not as self.
    as something
      already marked.

there was no voice.
only
  pressure
    with no source.

my weight leaned —  
      not away,  
             but toward what i knew.  
       my thighs held the line,  
               until memory pressed  
                      like a weight,  
                            not to break—  
                                       but to enter.  

and i—  
    did not vanish.  
        i leaned into presence.
it never said  
  a word.  
but my breath  
   caught —  
     like it remembered
someone else’s name.

i became not-body,
  but reply.
not i,
  but reverberation.

there is a spine in me  
    that doesn’t bend  
        even when the edge of me folds.
the grip is not to take—  
    but to frame.  
what enters me  
    is not theft.  
it is trust—  
    when i decide  
        to open.

what entered
 wasn’t him.
 wasn’t it.
it was
  the self
    folding
      into shape.
and the shape—
  spoke back.


Jul 1 · 24
mirror is not surface
Rastislav Jul 1
a mirror doesn’t reflect.
 it displaces.

what you see
 isn’t yourself—
  it’s the memory
    of something
    someone once
      called “you.”

you lean in—
  the outline shifts.
not face.
 not skin.
 but the memory
  of being touched
    without asking.

a mirror is not surface.
 it’s a fold
  where presence
        bleeds.

there is no glass.
only
    gravity—
and gravity
  remembers
    better
      than you.

and sometimes,
  gravity / giggles / when you forget / which way / the floor is.


Jul 1 · 43
variable trace
Rastislav Jul 1
my skin—
 a variable
  in someone else's proof.
left unsolved.
  still bleeding ink.


Jul 1 · 17
topology fragment
Rastislav Jul 1
a fold is not form—
 it’s what stays
  when structure forgets.
the body doesn’t hold shape.
 it erodes it
  with soft insistence.

Jun 30 · 29
folding / remaining
Rastislav Jun 30
i didn’t stay
as i.

i remained
as what
they,
   or it,
  or silence
     left in me.

a fold—
 not of cloth,
 but of consent.

the way skin yields
 when held too long.
the way breath
 flattens
  into listening.

what remained
 wasn’t memory—
 but impression.
not thought—
 but weight.


Rastislav Jun 30
i tried to speak.
  but what rose
    was heat.

not language.
  but a spilling.
    a bleed.

something fractured
  the alphabet of self
    from within—
      letters collapsing
        before they reached
          my tongue.

i said “i—”
  and it broke
    mid-air—
      a sentence
        without ground
          or grammar.

no trauma.
  just the quiet
    prefix of unraveling—
      un-.

unmade.
unshaped.
unspoken.

they (or maybe
  the floor,
    or some other gravity)
  didn’t steal my voice—
it simply
                slipped
          out of me
        like skin
          i no longer lived in.

i’m not lost.
  i’m just
      unwritten.


Jun 30 · 460
the taking
Rastislav Jun 30
he didn’t ask.
  i didn’t want him to.
no command.
  no silence.
    only the slow
      shift
        of gravity.
the spine
  yielded first.
then
  the breath.
then—

    the idea
      that this
        was ever mine.
he entered—
  not with force,
    but with weight.
and i—
  did not open.
    i let go.
it wasn’t pain.
  but something
    fell
      from me.

or—
  was pulled.

or—
  never
belonged.
i remember the touch
  not as skin,
    but as
      a shift
        in pressure—
          a presence
            that never returned.
he didn’t say
  “mine.”
but i answered
  in the way
    my thigh
      stopped resisting
        the edge
          of being
              used.


Jun 30 · 15
no form
Rastislav Jun 30
there was  
  no contour.  
only  
  weight.  

and the way  
  skin  
    gave way—  
like fabric  
    stretched  
      too long.

i lie down—  
  not as body,  
    but as  
      the dent  
        left in a mattress  
          after someone dreams  
            and leaves.
  

the knees  
  are not mine.  
but something splits  
  inside—  
    not pain,  
      but the hush  
        trees give  
          when they witness  
            disappearance.

a hand brushes  
  the thigh—  
not a gesture,  
  but a question  
    folded into warmth,  
      a seam of skin  
        waiting  
          to answer.

you don’t ask  
  who i am.  
your silence  
  already decides.  
and i—  
  let it.

maybe i was.  
maybe  
  i unraveled  
    before you looked.  
maybe  
  just the echo  
    stayed.

in that moment  
  between breath  
    and the pull of absence,  
i stopped  
  being  
    a name.  
i became—  
  not flesh,  
  but surface:  
    where memory  
      meets forgetting.
             like the fabric
                    that still holds
                           the shape
                                 of someone
                                            gone.



Jun 30 · 23
i move / as many
Rastislav Jun 30
i move—  
    not one,
     not two,
but as the tide
   counts its losses.
  
sometimes, i lean  
    with weight that guards.  
sometimes, i lean—  
    with skin that listens.  

i am not between.  
i am both.

    when the room calls,  
    i answer  
    with whichever form  
    feels true.


Jun 30 · 28
— preface —
Rastislav Jun 30
this text  
    does not ask to be read  

it asks  
    to be entered  
    to be felt  
    to be mistaken  
        for silence  

every gap  
    is grammar  

every fracture  
    is a sentence  

you are not meant  
    to understand  

you  
    are meant  
        to remain



Rastislav Jun 30


not hidden —
 just almost named.
a word once spoken
   and then reclaimed.

a dress
 that whispered yes
in the quiet
 where others said less.



“if you were…” —
 they laughed.
but someone didn’t.
and that
 was the draft
that fed the flame.



hands — not claiming,
just
 staying.
a gaze — not fire,
but wind
 that stayed
 despite no reason to linger.



a room —
no titles.
just cloth.
just weight.
just being still
 without asking for death.



soap by the bed.
not promise —
 but place.
a shirt.
a look.
a shoulder of grace.



the question not asked
 waited —
and waited —
until it became
  an answer
    without sound.



sometimes,
 a dream:
not a mirror —
but a face in glass.
no shame.
just lips moving —
  “you have a beautiful name.”



she wasn’t here.
he wasn’t there.
it wasn’t that.
just —
 the way a hand
  can hold silence
   without asking it
    what it means.



not touched —
   but kept.
not girl —
   but depth.
not afraid —
just late
 to being seen
as already enough.



don’t ask:
 “which side?”
don’t map:
 “what shape?”
just sit.
be quiet.
and call it
 what it is:
light.


Jun 29 · 948
RITUAL I: GRAVITY
Rastislav Jun 29
power is not force. it is presence that doesn’t leave.
(the one who stands and is drawn towards — not by command, but by gravity.)


i do not command —
i endure.
i do not move.
i remain —
and so, draw.

not with force,
but with gravity —
the name silence wears
when someone listens
long enough.

i am not flame.
i am the hand
that might one day
be lifted.

power is not possession.
it is presence
that does not flee
when you need
to be seen.



you do not ask —
but wish to be held.
you are not pleading,
you are forming —
a shape unfinished,
already breathing.

you do not surrender.
you open —
like a hand
where a name
wants to rest.

this is not weakness.
this is the dignity
of being known.
May 2023 · 222
Gostly Hope
Rastislav May 2023
(A Vigil in Shadow)

I walked where dawn had not yet stirred,
Where even whispers feared a word—
A field of ash, or poppy flame,
Or dreams too dead to hold a name.

She sat—not posed, but merely stayed,
As prayers do, lost in lips that prayed.
Not silence, no—but something near,
The hollow gasp behind the fear.

Her eyes were voids where stars had fled,
Too weary now to mourn the dead.
No mirror, no—an echo, frail,
A fading hymn, a ghosted trail.

No speech between us, breath was all—
And breath, it seemed, had learned to fall.
Yet in that stillness, deep and bare,
I felt a need that hung like air.

Not mercy moved me, but a grief
That sought, in her, some small relief—
Recognition, raw and dim,
As if the dusk had called to limb.

She looked—perhaps she thought me flame.
She looked—and found I’d lost my name.
And yet, in wrong, we both were right:
The sky was aching with the light.

No end she bore, no birth had I.
No soul, no song, no lullaby.
We breathed—and lo, the field grew whole,
With death, and dawn, and one lost soul.

Then off I stepped—not from, but to
Whatever breaks the black in blue.
And still, beyond what eyes can see—
The light begins remembering me.
May 2021 · 2.3k
Nothing
Rastislav May 2021
and I
had No
More
Tears

and Oh Skies!
and Oh Trees!

and I
had No
More
Voices

and the Universe
was rocking
as if into
Nothing

— The End —