My body is shaking
Words are spinning
Its all in my head
That's what they say
I can be an actor
I can play the part
The part of a girl who doesn't battle Depression
Of the girl who doesn't hate herself and her body
I can play the part well.

I mean no one notices me when I smile all pretty
I can play the part
Of a girl who has no mental illness
Who is not scared that one day she will break
And no one can fix her
Yet everyone looks at me
Like I am a painting on display.
I am covered in figurative blood
My mind made it appear
Its all over the walls

I can play the part of a innocent little girl,
Well I already do.
But all you see is my anger
I cover up my broken prices.
I swept them under the rug...
Do you think they can still exist?
Well of course they do.
Why did I ask that stupid question..
I ask a lot of stupid questions.

But the dumbest question ever asked is
Are you okay?
I want to say I'm not
But instead say
Everything is fine and dandy
But I'm gripped by fear..
I am afraid of everything
I am mostly scared of breaking
I mean the cracks are getting bigger
You will be fine
The voice in my head says
It talks like I am a piece of meat waiting to be inspected.

I have mental illnesses that cause me to be wacky.
I have bad feelings.
They make me want to cause destruction.
I do, cause destruction
I make cuts on my arms
And cuts on my legs
And cuts on my stomach to.
But the cuts on my heart are the ones that people cant see
They are the ones that hurt the most.
In fact they make me who I am

Mental Illnesses are nothing to laugh about
You don't know what they went through
It makes me crazy thinking the possibilities of being sent to a mental hospital
But yet it makes me smile
I could be free
Free of the chains that hold me down
I am already crazy
The hospital can't change that
They can only lessen it.
So yes
A mental Illness
Isn't fun but they push through and fight against it.
They are the winners
The ones who beat a mental illness
They have won there battle in life.
I am just beginning mine.

A majestic beast that runs on four legs
A wolf will stand tall when a good leader comes along.
A wolf is humble
But oh so very proud
The wolf will not stand to be kicked when he is down

A poet is a person who stands on two legs
With two arms to pick up things
We are just sheep without a second thought
when  a wolf comes running up and picks us off.
What happens to that sheep no one knows

A pack is a great place to be
Yet only when the wolves all get along
Some packs don't accept a lone wolf
Others are packs mostly made from rogues, yet
Everybody looks down on wolves
But they never tell them no

A tiger and lion have performed in a circus
But have you ever seen a wolf in the circus?
No you probably haven't
For they are too prideful for that

Poets are like a pack of wolves on a hunt
The hunt that takes them through the jungle of words
They try to catch the catch of the day
"A poem"
That's the catch.
When they get back a  lone wolf is standing with a limp tail
They surround the wolf with love and admiration.
The wolf grows to be strong and proud and surrounds itself with a pack

I was once the lone wolf with a limp tail
You guys were the pack that were so strong and prideful
I stood in the middle my legs all shaking
You guys shrouded me with love and turned me into a majestic beast
With skills still untouched.
My life was fixed.

Hello My name is Belle
Which usually stands for beautiful in French
Nothing about me is beautiful
My body is fat
My hair to long
My eyes to wide
My mouth to narrow
My life to long

I have a adopted brother who shot up his school and himself
My mother shot herself
Now I live my two siblings and a father who doesn't want me
My life has been turned to a dump
Now I have a bump
It's on the back of my head
A bully gave it to me
It doesn't hurt
At least not anymore
I am sitting in class
My life was passing by in a blink of an eye
Yet all I had to show was two dead family members

I can dance at my house with a smile on my face
Though it's not really home
With its run down shutters and yellow trim
It's made of brick that is a ugly yellow brown
Kind of like my blond hair
Which says I am not apart of this browned hair family
My real mom went MIA
My entire life
She left me alone

I have more bruises
My pain is real
My mother told me that it is all to real
I am not supposed to be here
At least not anymore
I was always told to follow the lead
I have my lead

I packed a pistol in my bag
It's not noticeable
I smile every day
Except today it is just cruel
My eyes look at my targets
A teacher and three students
The third student looks at me
I stand in front a mirror

I walk into class with a big smile and light heart
For the first time in forever
I am truly happy
I glanced at my teacher
Then two of my friends
I pull out the pistol
And I shoot at the teacher
Then at my friends
I see blood splatter on the wall
I see blood on my dress
Oh well
My life will be complete

I will turn out just like my family
Broken and ****** and a bullet in my head
I know what I'm doing
My mother once said that life is what you want it to be
I want mine to be over
People say
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem
I think suicide is the way to go
My family taught me that

Oh look the cops are coming through the door
Time for me to say goodbye
I have had my fun
Now its time to go
To this place
I call home
I put the gun up to my head and pull back the trigger
I hear
Click, Click, Click
The sound of almost there
Then I feel the bullet enter my head and I am no more
The news will love this
I get to be famous....

I hide from myself
If I dont think I won't breathe
I won't die
Why are you hiding?
A simple question
Thousands of answer appear
From my "Family"
From myself
From my fear
From my work or school
From my friends
From the world
My answer is;
I'm not hiding
What are you talking about

I can't face the people who I love
I can't even face myself
They ask me again:
Why are you hiding?
Who said I was hiding huh?
Does it look like I'm hiding?
Is it visible
I think to myself
Oh if only
I wasn't hiding
I sneak around in plain sight
I'm the shadow always overlooked
They don't pay attention at all
Well you got your answer
I'm hiding from facing the world like an adult
I'm hiding from myself
I'm hiding from my family
I'm hiding from my thoughts
I'm hiding from the person who asked why I'm hiding
Have you noticed that I'm not talking anymore
I barely watch television with you
I'm looking down at a small electronic device
Hoping to disappear into it
All because you made feel like crap
Like I'm a price of gum under your show
"Why aren't you doing your chore?"
Is almost like
"Why are you hiding from me?"
I'm hiding from everything
And everyone
Can't you tell
I'm living in hell?

Lies all the lies
Sleeping in one cave
Then they slither out
To poison more peoples minds
All at once
Which is why I hide
All the pain
Pain of love
Pain of life
Pain of family and friends
It's the reason I hide

You can notice the shadows dancing around
Just like a flame stuck in a jar
It
Burns
With
Fire
This is why I hide.

Can you answer my question?
No no you can't
You have tried and tried
I have tried to help you
To the best of my ability
If only you trust me
I have lost all my hope
Especially for you
If only you wouldn't treat me like cap
If only I would've listened

My misery is real
My misery is life
My misery male you smile
My misery make you you..
My misery is gone
I left you for someone better
But you left me
I just found my love
I'm sorry
For my misery is me
And you can't break me
I'm invincible and real
I'm almost like Hercules
And then I turn to Brutus

I stabbed my misery
Just like Brutus
Et tu brute
Then fall Caesar
Caesar is just like my misery
Only I'm not sorry for killing him
Aw yes if only you would have listened
To the wolf
That whispered in your ear

Kind of like a birdy
Yet more deadly
My misery was blind
And weak
And I was strong
Powerful
Invincible

My might was stronger than yours
And them I slew him
For my misery was wrong
It had enslaved me
I won
I'm a winner
And I can't be beat
No one will rise against me
For I'm Caesars reincarnated body
I rule with love and honesty

But now my misery is back
It's weak
My love is real
My misery is fake

I notice my sister
Her words echo
That's why no one likes you
Just stop picking on her brat
That's all that's matters
My siblings now
They are the wolves whispering in my ear
But they are not my misery
My misery is caged in the back of my mind
That's why I love my sisters
They protect me and make me humble
That's why my misery is gone

MY MISERY IS GONE
IT'S SAVED AND WE ARE HAPPY

My pain is a small blessing
kind of like a small child
In this degrading world
People dodge battles by keeping their mouths shut
Ah yes a simple ideal

One person curse out load another in their head
A head that can hold a thousand thoughts
But one is what pops out
Is it figurative or not?
My arms are held open by miles of air
Just waiting to be filled
My heart desires to be pumping blood
Like a runners whose is in first place
Then just like that it gets its wish
My arms are full of love not air

I dance in my head with beat in the back
A romantic melody that sways my blood
Even though my heart is dead
my brain picks up the speed instead
And as I dance in this place
I watch as I see his face
A face of wonder
And a though pops out
is this figurative or not?

I can see my pain run around with little leashes
On the leashes is a different emotion
Happy in blue
Sadness in red
Anger in black
Sanity in white
My pain stands runs with a yellow color
My fear hangs in the back ground all the time
I dance in between as to not step on the others
They weave themselves a web
Me trapped in the middle
I bow before my pain in half bow
Some would say I obey it
But it obeys me
I let it loose and I pay the price

My pain is a small blessing
In this small degrading world
In which if you don't bow down and obey
Some one gets terribly offended
A person told me that
If you throw a rock its bound to  hit someone who is offended by every little thing
If only people let me pass by in a world of silence
In my eyes the only thing I see is peoples aura..
Some are yellow
Some are red
And some are grey
My favorite are rainbow
They remind me of me
Full of pain but of happiness to
Ah yes
My simple ideal
Who know I was so tragic
Yet I snatched away the chance to run
From
Is it figurative or not?
My pain isn't real
My body doesn't exist
My mind is decaying
Along with the lump of flesh
I call my body

My pain is figurative
My lifeless eyes are not
Yet only in my life would the pain belong
Aye
My tone for this poem is quite mysterious
If only one knew my darkest secret
But its mine
The key is gone
It's locked away
The key you ask
Is it figurative or not?

I play a little game
You dance a slow dance
Around the circle of despair
Lies a body of a bear
The brown fur is all that's left
The poor beast
I have a game a simple game
You have to Win to get the key
The key is the prize
It locks away my emotions besides happy
Ohh noooo
You can't give me that look
My heart is like a ruined book
The pages stuck together with gum
I act just like a ***
If only I knew a place with a fixer

My pain is a small child
Looking at the world full of hope
But it gets degraded and stepped on
I try and try and try some more
My pain has lost its spirit
If only I had tried to give it
More hope and less agony
Maybe then I could be free
Just like a bumble bee.

Three options
A Rope
A Knife
A Gun

I pick up the rope
make a not and tie it on the tree branch
Lets not do this
I grab the rope and take the knife
I slit both  of my wrist
I grab the gun and contemplate
Do I want to do this?
In the distance I see a light
My night in shining armor
My wounds all heal and they all disappear

Then I'm in a concrete room
A single light bulb positioned
Right above a beaten and bruised body
I feel the smile on my lips
I pick up the knife
Then bite it so i can
Tie the rope around his leg.
I slowly cut into his leg and he screams out in agony

Then I'm back at my tree
All that remains is a stump
I take the gun and lean on the stump
I put the gun up to my head
I used the knife and the rope
Now all i have left is a gun
I start to pull back the trigger but I look up and my mom stands there shaking her head
I stop
I realize this isn't what I was meant for

Now I'm surrounded by white
A place in a area not meant to be seen
No company was written on the top of the door
I have a desk in the corner and papers covered with drawings
Then the door opens and the light outside blinds me.
They turned me into a animal
I continue to sit on my bed.
I have the blankets wrapped around me
But feel no comfort
I see a hint of the color black
They drop them and its an all black outfit
My blues eyes light up
I survived
All my pain had evaporated within that year of white walls.
But a new one appeared
I missed my family

I walk out of the hospital with a hat that was red and had St Louis Cardinals on it
I wore a pair of sunglasses and a shirt that said network security
and a pair of regular black pants.
I see them all standing in the distance.
My family that never deserted me
Then life went on like nothing happened
I was finally truly happy.