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Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
My family isn't perfect
But yet it is perfect
We fit with each other like puzzle pieces
And more come together
We are snugger than a bug
We will always stay together
No matter how hard life may be.

Yes we annoy the crap out of each other
Yes we fight
But arguments happen
and we move past them
Yet someone comes and tries to break us apart
They nearly succeed and
They never face the punishments
The pain of knowing what happened
Is enough to push the bonds

Yet when the time comes
We migrate back to family
The family we have fallen in love with
The family that stuck by us
The place where we are safe
Then we leave and start over again
The words people say stick in our heads
And we all just want to dead
But we go and lay down on our beds
And think of the things that we could've done different
But what sticks out?
Family
A mother and a father
5 kids one is a half bother
And the person who left

Andrew
His name comes off my tongue covered in hate
Yet all he did was break simple promises
Andrew
The cause of my regret
I hate how his name circles in my brain
Causing all of this misery
I would rather die
Andrew
He needs to go away
He's a drug the my siblings are addicted to
I moved away
I watch as they all say
I love you dad.
My dad is a tall redhead with as much anger as mine
I'm his spirit child
I hate the genes I got from my ***** donor
I have his stupid eyes
And his dumb last name
Demuth
Poison that's what it is
Slowly killing my sanity
Almost like a vipers venom
Slow and painful.
Ugh
If only I could get away!
Then the pain would leave
Then I would be free

18 will come sooner than later
Then I can change my last name
Robison
The thing that switches the poison of
Demuth
The pain of misery

I look and for a dad all I see is red hair and beard
I see a gun that he hasn't named
And for a mom I see Lucy
A 40 caliber pistol
I stood behind those powerful weapon
In front is my target
A zombie or a pink outline.
I smile
Then I point the gun in front of me
And empty the clip
The smell of brass
And the smell of cologne

My picture of family is to never give up on them
I will always be glad when one of them is near
My mom wears black and we have the same haircut
She has these pretty chocolate brown eyes
She passed them down to my to my sisters.
She doesn't let the animals get fur all over her
She takes care of us when we are sick
She sleeps like flowers and leather and the hit of ecig juice
My parents vape and my brother smokes

Brandon is older and acts like a ****
But he has pretty eyes that change with his mood
He smokes cigarettes and cigars
Sometimes I wish I was him
He smells like cats and sometimes dogs
He lays around the house waiting to go to work
He got a job at the Macy's distribution center in Owasso
I'm proud yet disappointed.
He could have done so much better and yet he doesn't
He wanted to join the military
But he never has the nerve.
If only he would listen and not throw a fit

Now I go to Rachel
Sweet and nice
Dark and mysterious
Only ever is quiet and sincere
She has the eyes of our mom
Brown and filled with knowledge
Yet laying there underneath is a beast waiting
Waiting to be unleashed
I see it and ignore it
For I made the beast appear.
It hungers for someones blood
But Rachel controls it more
I see it in her movements
Precise like a cats
I smile inwardly
She going to be so good
A good mother
And a good wife
Yet when she turns away
I can see the tears
I feel my heart breaking
Rachel
The name that sounds so sweet
She brings me back into real life
When I get ****** into dreams
She has the best hair and smile
Although its nothing compared to Zoe's
If only she knew I loved her
But I see the pain
The pain she always tries to hide
I look to the left and I see....

Zoe
***** blonde weird Zoe
She sits on her tablet and or phone watching some random show
She gets on my nerves but I love her so
She tries to kick me in the ****
I turn and kick her back
She is always ignoring me
Even when I give advice
Yet when she does listen
She says
Yeah right
I feel my heart breaking
Because she doesn't know what to do
I don't even really know her
Because she doesn't tell me jack squat
Yet when she looks at me
I feel my pride in her grow
Even if she follows me
I'll let her grow
And point her towards the sunlight
Where her smile could compete
She thinks she the center of the universe
And most of her friends agree
Yet when it comes time to sleep
she lays there on her phone
She pretends no one cares
But I want to prove her wrong
I care
I really do
When I see her in the morning
With her hair all messy
That's my little sister
Don't go and hit her
She has an attitude that makes the planets flinch
Yet when she smiles
She always make my worries go to waste
She'll turn out good one day
I just hope I'm around to see it.

We have two cats
Kaelas and Allanon
We love very much
They are brothers too
If only they could talk
And tell me all their pain
I would love to listen
They spend there time lounging around
Or begging us for food
Gray and Brown
White and black
Kaelas gas a gray bad tone and a white belly
While allanon has brown base and black stripes
I love them personally
But they run the show
Kaelas means White Death
Allanon doesn't have a meaning.
My parents pulled there name out if a book serious
When I see them start to play
It turns into a fight
I would smile and let them go
Just to see who would win
Allanon is slow but he is also the fastest
Kaelas is full of himself
Kaelas lays on my bed
Allanon on my dads chair
Those are our cats
And I love them so.

Now I talk about that dog
Her name is Tinkerbell
She's a Chihuahua
She replies to stinker bell
And stinker
We like to play with the puppy
She's only four months old
We have all fallen in love with her
Never would she go
We are taking care of her
And ***** training too.
If only dogs could speak to us
Surely no accident would occur
But we love the tan colored pup
And her energy too
Though sometimes she just needs to stop
She wears us all out
But that's a good thing in my book
One day shell be fully grown and never grown a inch
She has ears that we call HBO ears
Because they are so big
They are adorable and we know it.
That's our darling puppy
So know its time to introduce the final member

Me
My name is Makenzie
Some just ought to know
I have blue eyes I hate and a smile that's just to fake
I weave my self a web of lies
To protect them and me
They don't know the real meaning of
Depression
Soon though it'll all be the past
Then we can laugh and kiss everything goodbye
But before that I need to mention the Gecko
Dr. Conner's
Who lives in a cage
With water and food
And things to play
He doesn't do much so his is quick
We love him
And he just clicks
We get back to me and all of you stare
Just waiting to tear open my brain
And pick at like crows
Maybe I'm willing to run a few little tests
But only if you can beat me at my own game
The game of trying to pull in ahead
The game of running faster than depression but slower than suicide
The game of the right pace
I beat the game everyday
And a victory cheer I hear
Good morning Makenzie how are you dear?
This brings me out of my funk and I smile so.

Oh dear I forgot poor Alex so
My little half brother
Who has two dads
We love that little family
So very much indeed
We haven't been able too meet face to face
But one day we will
He looks like our mom
Because her genes are so strong
I love them dearly
And could write them a song
The song would be weird and probably include airplanes

Now this is a family
And its almost complete
To finish this poem
I write about me
Again
I look around then see the light
It's beautiful and all through the night
I can see the galaxy from my place on earth
My imagination can cover that much
It's always thinking right into the night
If only my eyes were this bright
My demons settle into slumber
Then I can spend another summer
Happy carefree
And silly
But I snap back in the winter
Fall and winter
Allergy season
For everybody but me
Hehe suckers better luck next year
Then my eczema flares
And I'm scratching every where
Most on my arm and neck and barely on my stomach
But life is perfect
With my family so big
So i do a little happy dance
And as I dance I giggle and laugh
This is my family and its prefect
As soon as I'm done
I would take a bow
But this poems probably better if I wiggle and giggle
The only person who won't giggle would probably laugh
But I'm not a seer
So I can't predict
What everyone will get
Out of this poem
I spent a couple days on
Getting it right and making it perfect
Just like my family who smiles are bright
We could compete with the moon and the sun
So yes my family can be crazy
But we love each other and that's al righty
I have a motto that needs to change
If we **** to live and live to **** what's the point of survival?
But yes my family is perfect and no one will change that
And yet we all want to perfect
These are the reasons I love my family.
So the final thing I will say is
So long and goodnight
I hope you have a good night.
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
I hide in the shadows
Calm and collect
When I join the light
I'm wild and I'm active
Yet a price of me only sees the ghosts
Of pasts and the future
Where do I hide?
I hide in nook and cranny
I hide where no one can find
I hide in my mind
And in my eyes
I hide in my sleeves
And on my knees
I compact my self into a ball
I can see the walls
I shake in my sleep
And scream when I'm awake
I hide with the shadows
This is my domain
I have claimed the very purpose
Of living whiling hiding
I can't show my true nature
That's for people to bring out
I'm a dragon with the need to collect shining things
And then I'm a tiger
With the need for solitude
I lurk through the darkness and watch
Everyone grows and I shape myself
I'm a serpent and a mammal
Yet everyone thinks I'm evil
I'm not the devil
I'm not a angel
I'm the shadows
Creeping up behind you
And surrounding you
But someone has light and I flinch away
I have my own will
Just let me get away
I snicker at your plans
You forgot I was even there.
Yet only time can command me
For I'm my own hell.
You ask Where do I hide?
I hide where no one looks and no one thinks
I hide in plain sight.
I had in the corner of your eyes
I hide in peoples dream and hopes
I hide where people go to die
I hide in your thoughts
Where do I hide?
I hide in the thought
Of people who want to survive
But only one thing sticks out
The pain of others.
Wrote this because this is a question I ask myself all the time.
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
Aw yes the blood flowing through my veins
My beating heart that comes to a end
I stand staring at what I thought was love
Then I look around and all I see is blood
I smirk then smile
Knowing your time has come.
If only you knew what you could become
So yes the blood that's flowing through our veins
Can be lost
With a simple cut of a knife
You have to ask
Do I truly want this?
Yet when you see every one bend down
You come to horrendous thought
Everyone looks but no one sees
The pain that's inside of me
One heart sticks out
You contemplate
Can I make that heart stay?
One month six days
Then you feel a cut
You said you promises
A promises you broke
Know we go on with life
Like nothing ever happened
But I feel it in the back of my mind
The fact that maybe you could have been the one
Then I remember the knife being turned
I can't fall asleep without seeing your pretty face
Yet I know when I'm not wanted
I know when I have been tossed aside
Just like a shot gun shell which the angel shot at me
I fell in love
And every calls it infatuation
But I not infatuated
My heart is still beating
Though nobody cares
My pain is still real
Although everyone tells me theirs
I can't breathe some nights
Because all I smell I you
You broke my soul and stabbed my heart
Even though my heart is still beating
I look around and see one thing
The heart that stuck out
Was the heart that broke mine
My heart still beats
And when its done
I hope its because of something fun
I dont want pain
I dont want death
I just want love
Like the next person
I want weirdos
I want nerds
I want people who make me feel good
I want my heart to beat faster for someone
Then someone to just say that
We aren't good
I want someone who loves me like I love them
I want the perfect person
But no one is perfect
Yet when I see the smiling faces
I realize
I want what they have
Someone to talk and laugh with
Someone to share secrets
Then I see the 1 month 6 days
I flinch away
I dont want a month and so days
I want forever and always
Yet it always out of my reach
My first heart is gone
I'm on to a second life
I start at the placed I save
And still couldn't get it right
I smile and wave
Even though I want to cry
When I'm alone is finally
The time the tears fall
They couldn't have fallen they crashed
Crashed through the dam
And onto my cheeks
Then I see the very bad thing
Someone walks in
The dam closes.
I wipe away the tears
I face the person
She stands with frown on her face
Short pretty hair and a glare that's not meant for me
I blink she's still there
She's come to haunt me now
She's alive but I am still in love
Then I look away
I can't stand the sight
I saw her in dreams mutilated
But when she is fine and safe I can't stand it
She broke me and she is still whole
I just want to be whole
The heart that beats is mine
It's beats with a thud
I imagine the day it stops
Everyone stares at me
I am the center of attention
I dont want this
I want freedom
I have trapped my heart
It howls to be free
I get colder and push everyone away
I snap in anger
I bite and scratch
Then I awake
It was only a dream
But the heart ache is real
I look around and see my sisters
They smile and laugh
My brother is being rude like always
Then I  notice the shadow
The shadow is me
I hang in the background with my gloomy mood
I get asked to do things
I do them
Then I remember when I was happier
No has noticed that after she broke up with me I have been crawling back in my shell.
I feel my heart thump.
I smile
It's not real
No one knows the difference so its fine
I pretend
I could be a actor
That or they choose not to confront
But I put up a show
Then I turn and run
Because whats the point if all any one wants is someone to laugh at
I sit down and think
Am I really worth all this pain?
I look up and spot a light
I smile
A actual smile
One that makes my eyes light up.
She has come to save me
My grandma Jane
I hop up and run to her
Darling are you okay?
I hear her ask
No I'm not. My heart and soul have been broken.
She smiles
It will all get better
The last thing she said before she disappeared
I have hope
The heart of mine is beating
That's all I need to know everything happens for a reason.
I'm in invincible now.
I have knowledge
I have my beating heart
I walk out of the darkness and join the light
My eyes light up and I smile more often
The feeling of death moves away
One month and six days are just numbers
But these numbers have meaning
I'm still alive and my heart is still beating
Just because she broke my heart and soul
Doesn't mean I can't be happy
I have new knowledge
I know how to live with someone who isn't interested
I lay me head down and think
*The beating heart I hear is mine and it's going strong.
Wrote this poem after finally having enough nerve. I hope you enjoy it.
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
I see him walk into the school.
The bag was slung on one shoulder.
In the bag was a faint outline
Of a gun
I had the same thought until 5th hour
I hope I live to see tomorrow
When I hear a bang and see the teacher fall
I see a couple students fall too
Then I'm looking down the barrel of my demise
I freeze...
The bullet comes out and hits me the the stomach
I fall to the ground
My last breath leave me

She looks on hoping not to get shot
Three students and a teacher
She wanted to scream but her voice escaped her
She thought that if she lived through this she would tell her family she loved them
She looked down...
She she looked back up and saw him point the gun to the right of her
She saw the bullet exit the barrel
She felt it hit her shoulder, another one hit the person behind her in the head.
The next bullet left a hole in her chest. She got one glance before all was white

The man behind the gun
Had pointed at me
He clicked the trigger back
Click click click
Then I see the bullet leave.
It hits the girl in front of me
Her hand grabs her bleeding shoulder
I look back up to see the trigger pulling back again
Click click Click
Then I hear the boom
I watched wide eyed
Dont even try to move
I feel the bullet enter my head
Then I feel no more

I watch them all drop to the ground
As they dropped like flies
I press the gun to my temple
This my final goodbye
I can hear the clicking
Click Click Click
I smile as I go to let the bullet free
I see the other look on fear
"Goodbye" I said
Then the bullet leaves the chamber
It rattles around and I feel the exchange
I died with a smile on my face
Twas fun my friend
I'll see you again

As the mother reads this note her son left
She realizes she was at fault
She shouldn't of ignored him
She made him snap
Now she's a victim of guilt
All around her
Guilt surrounds
She watches her other kids go down the same path
All that happens
Is when she doesn't pay attention
But you see the other families on the news
Along with yours when the rerun happens
You notice you are not alone
You are a victim just like them

A thought passes through your head
No one thinks twice until they hear a bang
Then the gun you've been holding
You didn't realize you picked it up
You placed the gun upon your head
You pull the trigger back and hear
Click click click
Then you are dead with blood pulling around you're head.
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
Yes some people think heaven exists.
Some say they are crazy and deserve to burn.
I smirk at the two sides
I have caused all this chaos
I breathe in the smoke and ashes of my domain
When some say i can't be reasoned with
They are correct
I'm stubborn
I never let go of who I mark
When they want to be free
They pray for forgiveness
Yet my teeth sink even deeper
The name of God doesn't scare
Why should I be scared of some one who banished me
I have power he can't imagine
I am reborn and more powerful
You can not reason with me
I'm the devil
You make a deal with the devil
You **** yourself to hell
For a person ****** to hell there is no forgiveness
yet when you look and say
God please forgive for I have sinned
I look up and reply
You can not be forgiven for you made a deal
You break the deal and I send my hell hounds
When i turn I see him
He asks Why did you take a innocent soul?
What soul? He gave it away.
God's anger is like a dolphins anger
It doesn't exists
I know I have won this round
How could I not?
Reasoning with the devil can't be done.
Makenzie Robison Oct 2015
He walks into the school
On his back is a Gun
The gun is hidden by his Backpack
No one thought he would got to this extreme
Everyone only knew him by the word Victim
No one knew him by Shooter
One look and he fades away
You'll only remember his face because it's his 15 seconds of fame
That's all anyone wants now days
Fame this fame that
No one cares about the defeated and lonely
The only way they get noticed
Is to go from Victim to Shooter
Then they are the talk of the century
Their fame only lasts 15 seconds because there is more pressing matters
But the one's that remember forever
Is the Victims  family's
But all they remember now is the word Shooter
It circles their brains and wreaks havoc
All they wanted was a happy son
But ignoring him caused him to snap
He took the pistol
He shoot the teacher
He shoot a few students
The last person he shot was himself
His only true freedom was death
Now his face is on the news
His family crys over his coffin
His younger siblings fall into depression
They cycle starts again
From being a victim to being a shooter
No one thinks twice until they hear a bang.
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