You can’t walk away.
I’ll be with you like a shadow.
You’ll remember every single move I make.
You’ll crave for my words and my love
but all you could taste is my sweet revenge.

It was supposed to be fun.

New school, new supplies,
Thin, neon highlighters glowing inside
Vera Bradley backpacks.

Skinny folders assigned to
Pointless subjects,
Which would be fattened
With pointless homework
By the end of the day.

It was supposed to be fun,
And for a little while, I forgot.

I forgot until History.

The new teacher hadn't lived here
Longer than a week,
Which was why he was
Excited
About teaching.

He had on a brand new tie
From Banana Republic
Which was obviously tied
By his wide eyed fiance.

His classroom was bare, as he explained,
"Don't worry,
I ordered posters yesterday."

The teacher wasn't the problem.

The problem was,
Between Richardson
And Roberts,
He still existed.

At least in the school system he did.

"Ashley Paulette?"
"-Here."
"Abby Richardson?"
"-Here."
"Bennett Rill?"

And my life shattered all over again.

The silence felt
Deafening.

Remembering how he wouldn't be there.
Not ever.

"Bennett Rill?"

The teacher was confused, looking around the room
For someone
Who was buried six feet under.
Someone who the teacher might've thought
Was sick, or vacationing.

It was supposed to be fun.
But then I remembered

Thinking when I'm not speaking
Dreaming when I'm not sleeping
Holding my tongue
But internally i'm screaming

Its a wonder all these things that I'm feeling
Don't make me force my own bleeding
Or stop me from breathing

It seems they live within my skin
Internalized karma killers
They say the good die young
Well the old are our pillars

So where does that leave us?
Snorting coke of the same mantle
From which we worship Jesus

Castles made of sand
Are the realty of the land
In between the paint and plaster
Huddle humorless laughter castors

And in between the organic plastic
Is where my hope lies
So long as they stay focused
Keep their mind clear and open

But who knows when
Change will come about
Like a siren to the deaf
It's silent when it shouts

The thoughtless opinion population
Sleep in the mire they were raised in
Like cave men
Not daring to walk the paths less taken

I never wrote about Love
Not before now
Because I was never sure
But after today
I think that I'm ready to try.

What is love?
Is it nothing but a
Chemical reaction in the brain?
Ascribing worth?
Maybe
But it's more than that
To me at least.

Love is
Knowing someone's full of faults
And staying anyway.

Love is
Making limits
And respecting them.

Love is
Your heart skipping a beat
At the sound of a name.

Love is
Fighting to not fall apart
When you disagree.

Love is
Wanting to give
A random hug.

Love is
Wanting to receive
A random hug.

Love is
Crying for
Someone.

Love is
The feeling I get
When I fight to tell you
"Kaydee, I love you"
And saying it anyway.

Finally, Love is
Crying
Reminiscing
Dreaming
Wondering
Waiting
Being

Together.­

I now have no control over how I love you.
I cannot hold it back.
I don't want to hold it back.
I just want to hold you
Talk to you
Fall asleep with you
Laugh with you
Cry with you

And that's why I thought I was ready to write about love.

I don't know you
You've said that I don't before
So much I'll never know.
I'm not pushing you away
Am I?
I hope you know
I tell you more than anyone
Even if it doesn't seem like it.

Lingering thoughts in the back of my head
Temptations attacking at times that I dread
Get out of me, out of my head
If not, be careful
Of the places you tread

Previously
I've only written for a website
Now I'm writing
for myself.
It's different,
Uncensored.
It's reminders for me.
About things I struggle with
Daily.
Where I know
I should be.
So that I cannot
Convince myself
Of a tempting lie.