Sometimes you can feel like a sloth working towards your chunk, but goonies never say die.

Absorb, transform, perform, this is the formula for any endeavor you may try.

Evolution arrives when It’s needed, when It’s time to find your passion you’ll make a natural selection.

Life has a jury of one, no evidence fabricated or real can help you fool your reflection.

Anyone who counted steps eventually stopped having to count falls.

I know some days can feel like being back in those halls, against those walls.

This strange feeling can tap into insecurities, bringing you back to a time when you were just a little tot.

But don’t forget when the tornado was coming, against the wall was the only safe spot.

I know you got a little more left.

When we’re coloring we don’t always stay within the lines.
The painting of our lives often leads to colors we never thought we’d find.
I cried, a lot, while you assumed I was obsessed with unknown hands & salary ranges.
We’ve been taught life is a paper & pen where we don’t get to make changes.
One of the most puzzling experiences is looking through 100s of pictures wondering where the love went.
But I guess when we take the air out of something we don’t really get to vent.
It’s not always so obvious, still the trombone still needs the sound from the piccolo.
Everyone sees the art on the wall, never the countless hours in the studio.
You can’t erase a crayon, but we can choose to keep coloring, keep adding colors.
Grey skies can’t wash away the colorful schemes we created for each other.

The canvas did wash away, that’s true.
But why let them say I painted nothing for you?
When I painted any dream you wanted me to.

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

Credit used for credit abused ends in the likes of how credit sued Suisse.

What does it mean to truly be free? How much time does it take to explore one's soul?

What does ownership truly mean? Can it be such if the deed to time, shelter, and transport, one does not hold?

If one must answer to another, then that makes the entire life a question.

The overwhelming irony of such a man spending the whole portion of his earnings on a section.

Deposits are becoming fluid, leaping both ways. As soon as they're cleared they come out.

How could it be a skilled baker struggles to get a crumb out?

Two hundred and fifty days are being traded in games of limbo where you're beaten down to get to the bar.

Convinced am I should we journey away from the banks, we'll go far.

For credit is the base molecule you discover in a capitalist's lungs.

These letters I can not sign nor follow for I have always been the capital one.

conceit vs loneliness is the real fight
I can't fix it, all I can do is tell you what it feels like..
pretty girls in the friends zone,
But no one believes we're friends though.
Labeled for my company, when I'm involved with none.
They speculate, when there was truly only one.
& then I lost the only girl in my life.
By following my best friend's advice.
I don't know why, he's just as scared of committed as me at the end of the night.
But I ask him to guide me every time as if he's seen the light.
And then I convince myself a bad idea is a good one because I've heard it twice.
I appear to have em all, when I have none.
When in fact I'm so conceited, I can't just lay with anyone.

When i look at you i still envision the rest of my life.
& nothing has changed because of the pain i feel at night.
i won’t say mean things, i won’t leave, i don’t ever want to cause you pain.
I’m so scared if i ever hurt you in any way, you’ll never look at me the same.
i want to spend all my time with you when my weeks end, I’ll drive 4 hours back and forth any weekend, this is a test that will make us stronger, we will prevail and relinquish the weak ends.
When i look at the spaces in my hand i know your fingers belong there.
Anything said bad about you, to me, is a voice aimed toward the wrong ears.
i pray the Lord blesses us with many long years.
Scrolling through Chris brown’s album and you come to mind during all the songs here.
i won’t give up on you, if you don’t give up on me cause I️m hurting, Images in my head make me cry sometimes, & i feel so insecure now.
i feel alone, i can’t talk to my friends about I­t­ so my heart feels so unsure right now.
i don’t want them to judge you, i don’t want them to choose not to love you some day.
i love your friends like my own because they’re the ones that keep you happy when im away.
i guess In the end all that matters is i want Ali, i want to be with you.
My father always told me a great quote, “the only way out, is the way through.”

Either way, I’m happy I­t­ became us, “them”, we.
You are without a doubt one of the best things to ever happen to me.

My friend caught me laughing whilst crying.
He said "umm are you going insane?"
"Dear friend, have a seat.
Let me tell you this funny thing about pain.
When you're hurting your senses swirl
And sooner than later everything sounds the same.
Like, "I love You" sounds just like "There's someone else."
The roses they bring you are bewitching, but lean in and a stranger's scent is all you'll smell.
I mean, yes they'll carress you like it's the first time, but your replacement is all you'll feel.
Confusion will paint illusions, soon all happy sights your mind is refusing & you can't see what's real.
& taste? Dear friend, The ultimate bitter is taste.
It's like collapsing & dropping your time casserole; all you can do is stare down, what a waste.
So I know you're confused as you stare at my bright smile as my eyes are running.
But to be honest with you, I'm puzzled, I can't quite decipher if it hurts or its funny."

We're all one heartbreak away from insanity.

Pain and happiness comes in waves.
Waves go up and down & that’s been the last few days.
Months, years.,
i prayed to be here, but my people aren’t with me.
& success doesn’t fill the holes left by the ones that I’m missing.
Then i find out the devil has sent cancer to take another.
3 Days after realizing i night truly love her, my friend, my brother came and said “I’ve got something to tell you.”
Back against the wall it’s either get over I­t­ and get through or add another someone else ill miss to.
i don’t want to lose anyone but I’m losing.
So much pain over the years I’m no longer bruising.
i stay calm in the face of news that devastates me.
when i think of how i would’ve reacted to things I’ve faced lately it’s like the Devil’s already ate me.
I­t­ can’t be that I’m stronger, cause rivers have turned to oceans, at night i cry longer.
Problems money can’t fix, happiness you can’t buy I­t­.
This was supposed to be a happy poem, but I’m bleeding and i can’t hide I­t­.
I’ll probably let her read this still.
i don’t want her to feel guilt, i just need to her to know how i feel.
Cause In the last week my foundation has been shook.
If i start to drown, someone has to know where to look.

The scripture said I had to change.
I promised them that I would stay the same,
I didn't.
A sherif on my own life's road.
Trying to keep myself from routes I've already drove.
Sometimes finding a hand to hold opposite the steering wheel seems like my only hope.
Just trying to find a way to show all the things that I know.
I've been trying to lighten up the load, tighten up control.
These missing things I'm asking for, prayer is like ointment to the sores, I just need to know you.
The Devil uses my success to open doors that I shouldn't go through.
You were the air I breathe you walked away & forced me to choke.
If I set fire to my soul, will you even see the smoke?

I’m having having nightmares whether I’m asleep or awake. My mind is feeding me thoughts I can’t take. Cold sweats from flashbacks of wasted time I can’t have back. These things I hold eat at my soul until a new flame feels old. Now the hugs cold and I’m freezing in a emotional pain that feels so bold, so physical, so real. I stay on my toes cause some cuts don’t heel.

I have faith even if I never hear a voice.
I know he controls my life because my life is controlled by things that weren't my choice.
I didn't pick this skin but I'm in it.
Life is a game & to win it?
I have to walk by the father & bleed until I'm superior, until my mind is sharper.
God sought to challenge me by making my skin darker.
How can you look at me and hate me because I'm a darker shade?
It's like fussing at your date for your food being wrong when they had nothing to do with how things were made.
Take that hate up with my lord.
I'll still love & pray for you because eternity isn't something I can afford.

I feel like one day I'll be the best Poet Alive.
Strange because the best Poet is never alive.
Why is it we're only appreciate after we've died?

Sins stack to compose the guest list.

Constantly attending Numbed parties because mistakes, tears, and guilt, aren't easy things to rest with.

Demons

Mysteries of life, like the desire to be Prince Charming, like that princess that wants to be his perfect woman.

What we desire to be can never be realized, Perfection can never be paralleled, How do you not hurt yourself or them but still be human?

Demons with me

We all Lock skeletons away, is to hide our past & our mistakes deceit? Haunted by the past, when I do right I hear them laughing.

I am now what you deserve. The chamber to my past never open or you'll bare witness to pain, selfishness, & highs that are never lasting. A ball room drenched in regret  & we farce carelessly laughing.

Demons with me Dancing

Black ink covers my finger nails as i press my poor pen rugged.

A stretched dome for this poem as you deserve confident competence to complement the subject.

Advice on life that avoids a tune like judgement is always the toughest.

Altitude you must divorce, magnitude you can see casually, but direction, direction you must love It.  

Life is not about heights or completion, for all streaks end with an extinguished fire’s scorn.

All of the most valuable things in your life were not earned,  they were simply born.

What could you do to grow more organs? What true friendship is based on your social prestige?

No, forward. The desire of forward over upward, achievement, or approval is a craving you much reach.

For anyone charging up, must come down.

And well, forgive me for sounding much to elementary, but any smile coming down is at once a frown.

You know what I like?

People who don't discuss people but rather when they open their mouths there's a different vibe.

The questions they ask make you feel alive as you decide

Like "Do animals commit suicide?"

"Would you die if it meant your beloved could live forever?"

"Let's say you did , what if they didn't want to live because y'all were no longer together?"

Then that's the waste of a wish, I like people who think of that kinda stuff.

I say the cup's half full, you say the cup is half empty, & they're like "how deep is the cup?"

"Would the Wright brothers have succeeded if they obsessed over wealth instead of how to produce the first plane?

Desires have become a disease, content is being shared by those not obsessed with the domain.

Societal driven reaches for recognition, money, or status; these are all productivity flaws.

History is littered with the truly passionate, those obsessed with their domain and it's laws.

You hear the difference immediately between an artist who loves to sing and someone who had to make a song.

Ironically, all the things people chase in life are natural symptoms of obsessing in a place where we belong.

Einstein dreamt the theory of relativity, Tate McRae & Ryan Tedder wrote, produced, and laid hit song "Exes" in a mere 30 minutes.

True obsession can not be faked and it's all that can sustain you once you're in it.

Those who do not love the domain, may get the rewards. Novelty will then wear off and they'll begin to search for something else.

Psychologically, to be miserable is the same neurologically as thinking about yourself.

In my Dreams I see scenes I haven't experienced, I remember what I so wish to live & I miss nonexistent times.
My soul is now nourished by a mature heart, my actions overseen by a mind that lacks a bad intention, & my being aches for something which for there is a distant line.
As I sleep I see her & I miss her. My dear friend, I one day fell lost into the moon light gleaming on your face & stood ardently found in your chestnut eyes.
When I hold your hand I can feel my chest in your palm, as your breathe calms my heart races, & I feel the pain you carry from your past, & my eyes bathe in your cries.
You said you were scared to lose me, & just when I thought we couldn't be anymore similar I learned we share a common fear.
Friend or Lover, In the flesh or spiritually, your presence, your aura is one my being requests daily for emotional nutrition & no premise will ever exist to keep me from being here.
When I laugh with you my troubles become silent, my worries are the softest of whispers & my joys howl ferociously a pleasure that demands to be heard & one so true.
The day I stared into your eyes under wonderland painted concert lights in a moment to be cherished I felt myself die Only to be reborn, only to tell God I couldn't stay, that I had to come back, come back for you.

Life is a series of moments, & moments past.
Every moment is a decision, & the impacts of our decisions usually last.
One feels special, One feels right.
I wake up Jekyll , go to sleep Mr. Hyde
It seems life never goes without a sense of irony.
A best friend, I’m greenlit when you’re eyeing Me.
Then you’re here & it’s a different style to say.
Didn’t know It was possible to feel close to someone 900 miles away.
I think the strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde didn’t even talk about the worse part.
Split personalities is bad, but two people shared one heart.
That’s the true horror story when they’re both special.
Back & Forth, Jekyll Jekyll, Hyde Hyde, Jekyll.

Obsession with an idea brings focus to an internal struggle, surroundings fade away.

I do not fear failure, I fear my inevitable success leading to the remembering of the world that day.

My isolation has been a myriad of peace, to be alone is to reduce probability of accelerated entropy.

As he begun to go deaf, Mozart wrote his best symphony.

Silence of external noise allows us to hear the beautiful songs that are being whispered within us.

Hand rails they told us would hold us up are covered in tears and so while grasping for stability we are cut by thin rust.

The only math they know is plus, thus, in such social constructs, win you must.

Cars, homes, clothing, one's true self is usually buried under such stuff.

Life is chess not checkers, Ironically an internal check leads one to stop mating.

It's all so cheesy, trying to fill superficial holes is just soul grating.

The best feelings are the ones that have mystery.
I've become addicted to wondering if you're missing me.
I don't know why you came into my life.
I don't know why you left.
With us anything can happen, any turn can be made.
One day it hurts , one day it feels so good.
But, I just love, Not knowing.

The warmth is coming, the chills are leaving.

Summer, summer on the way, this has always been my glorified season.

& although times can be deceiving, there are few things I ever feel I'm needing but that season is undoubtedly why my heart is beating.

With the months of June, July, and August I've made mistakes, had bad days, and on some of those warm days I've been completely bested.

But trials make for success, mistakes generate growth, and you can't expect to get a good grade without first being tested.

Class is out, and summer is session, I've passed the finals and greatly cherish the lessons, seems like I've been in winter my whole life, summer is my blessing.

Other seasons come along. Spring and fall but I feel no joy in the duration of them all, if it's not summer I find myself feeling sad still.

Like in March I still have that bad feel,  in April it's like I'm at a stand still, headaches three quarters of the year, Summer's my only Advil.

Life is full of lessons, full of struggles, obstacles, pains, and occurrences for which we sometimes never discover the true reason.

One day in my dream my Dad said "see son, see the sun" and I fell in love with a season.

Memories are just blinks you can reuse & we spend more time experiencing paths than views.

We were fooled, the peak is no more beautiful than the dirt beneath our shoes.

It’s existence that’s beautiful, not the conditions of that existence.

A quest to change my reality made me notice false realities and launched my resistance.

If the path is most of life, why do we complain when It seems longer?

The 3 mile hike, the sitting and photos at the top, which made you stronger?

If you take the square root of luck, multiply by P, what will you get from this alchemy?

Our beliefs consume us with obsessive compulsion, this one has claimed all of me.

The consistency we desire exists within our minds.

Happiness is something we conjure not something we find.

The fountain of youth is an imagined lake.

I’ve become addicted to such sorcery after discovering how magic tastes.

To live a full life is to shed fear of death, to live into old age and welcome flesh’s end without daunt.

The joyous thing about life, and believe me when I say this, everybody gets what they want.

The caveat is you can have anything, just not everything.

When I sleep, when I imagine, when I make believe, when I pray,  It’s always the same dream.

The hate I have for my past and what she did occupies that space and erases chances.
After pain we're approached by chances and opportunities but our old tears drown out advances.
I know, you don't want to be stagnant, you don't want to settle but you can't spend life's precious days running.
It's supposed to be there. Your past, it's supposed to be there & you won't ever let go until you grab onto something.
A career? A sport, hobby, child? A divine power from up above?
I don't know, but you just have to find something else to love because you were meant to love.
A romantic heart can never truly be empty, it will either be occupied by unwelcomed pain or optimistic happiness depending on what you stand for.
The good news is you choose, no matter who hurts you, you choose to be happy or let the pain stay, you're your heart's own land lord.

Why do things become more simple, the more times we fail?

The failure is perceived as a setback, yet it’s a step closer to the moment we will prevail.

Yes, It is a strange occurrence indeed.

Success is what we want, and failure is what we need.

Experience is experience, no one ever mentioned or asked about the results.

Hence whether you won or loss, there is still value in your consult.

So do not hang your head if you took a shot but It did not go in.

You can share what not to do, or be closer should you shoot again.

Go, tell a friend.

Failure is the beginning, not the end.

Self to self comparisons are the only useful ones.

Prayers or faith without works is an example of how one can be an abusive son.

To ask for what hasn’t been earned is not only entitlement but blindness.

A seesaw where efforts flows back and forth like the Kansas wheat is the view of true kindness.

I pray for magic but swiftly follow this with devoted slavery to my sorcery

I still feel like I’m not where I oughta be,

But everyday I’m working getting closer.

The student surpasses the master but the master is claiming confirmation of himself if he can teach.

Teaching is more about the master’s completion than what the student seeks to reach.

You have not truly mastered a domain or achieved a skill until you can give a lecture.

Teaching is a kin to putting knowledge and experience into an oven, changing their flavors and textures.

Thus, if you can not teach a class on a subject It is most wise to withhold your opinion.

Or get in front of the class, & when your voice cracks you’ll quickly realize there you have no dominion.

but, Happy Thanksgiving :)

Cuts heal & remain visible
At times you may not even feel kissable.
Latch on to faith.
in the line you're last so that it lasts, just wait.
truth hurts, but lies don't heal.
is it still a sin if it's your heart I intend to steal?
I'll gladly bite the fruit for you
you badly fight the truth, poor you.
Accept the pain, welcome the deceite.
To let them continue to hurt you is to accept defeat.
Stare at the angel in the mirror.
Release past demons & be born again purer.
you feel damaged. I see a soul seasoned.
It's usually the pains in life that come with the heaviest reasons.
stress no longer, ache no more.
Pack up the tears, & walk out the door.
One day you wake up & your hearts no longer sore.
I know this because ever since I've laid eyes on you, mines aches no more.

Accepting uncertainty made my freedom inevitable.

Releasing my desire for status knowing the only achievement is to be credible.

“He was always there, he helped me as much as he could.”

Squash a bug in the past & change the future, is what I’m doing today what I should?

Reality is something we can use our imagination or substances to bend.

Watching my life, I’m constantly chasing that drug on which I spend.

Unlimited time with family and friends pouring out through hits of my pens.

I don’t ever want this high to end.

Come over, come visit, let’s pack.

Even a job with a friend made us forget we were racing rats.

#FreePluck

I only have one idea. I don’t know what my idea is but still I continue.

That’s why I’m writing today, you know that feeling deep inside but you don’t truly know what’s within you?

We’re all rough so if you go into the depths, there’s always a diamond.

I’ve realized questions are simply signals from answers, they’re begging us to find them.

So I’m digging. I donated all my materials to move in with my mother, bringing only my shovel.

I made more money this year than I ever have, It didn’t comfort me in my struggle.

To leave this world without discovering my gift is my greatest fear.

I don’t know what’s buried in my soul but God is my witness, i know It’s there.

Blessings are blessings but some are just more significant than the others, some we just won't ever deserve.

When I saw her I knew it was one of those blessings, I saw the lord in her eyes & the sight temporarily froze my nerves.

Having her fingers fill the spaces between mine while I drive feels like having my dreams in my palms.

Do you know what is feels like to be scared because you feel safe? Imagine having your heart pounding when you've never been more calm.

I would say I'm going to trip, I'm probably going to fall, but when she lays in my arms it's like I'm on the floor already.

If the day ever comes when you decide to say you're mines just know I'm yours already.

In a generation full of questions and worries it's like striking oil the rarity of finding someone you know deep down you can trust for certain.

Having you in my life has showed me that when you care about someone it's like going to the dog pound, You look forward to showing them better while you hate who ever hurt them.

After graduation i started thinking
about how they're still drinking, anything we wear they're probably still squinting
I guess when all those jokes surfaced, pain was pushed down
my hometown is populated by expired clowns,
they're sinking
Should I feel pain for watching them drown?
Should I jump in?
Rather not ruin my cap & gown.
Apologies Lord, I hate those that talk down on the less fortunate
Life is the ultimate game, they almost made me forfeit.
Self esteem broken, faith shook.
Hated my look, should i turn crook?
Jack in the water, I couldn't get on board luckily God sent me four books.
Scholarship got me in the door, work ethic got me in the room.
I'll come home, just so you squint at me again, I assume.
Look at this foreign car, this suit came with no lint.
Squint at my teeth, they're so clean I could drink water from flint.
Bullying, is evil. What else can we call it?
Luckily prayer is more powerful than the wallet.
8th grade you called me lame, I bet you're still a partier a?
They called me names, I bought my mom Cartier rings today.
We all have monsters within,
They were monsters from the root.
Congrats to me? No congrats to you,
That's great, I always heard the Devil had workers too.
To chastise is a cold dish, this is not how I'm supposed to be.
But when tables turn, somebody's gotta eat.
I'll take the ****** sentence, for what I'm passionate about.
Life is like sending out mislabeled mail, you get back what you sent out.