In the darkness of the night
Silence hangs heavy in the air

The weight of grief presses down upon my chest
Each breath catching in my throat

2 A.M. is when my demons come out
They taunt me
And let me know what I am losing

I built my life around you
Never knowing it could come crashing in

2 A.M. is when the pain comes in
Nothing holding it back

I hold in a sob
My chest aches with the effort
I curl in on myself

An attempt to keep
The feeling of cracking
The feeling of breaking

It overtakes my body
I lose my battle

The sobs break free
My body shivers and quakes

2 A.M. when my world sleeps
When the silence is too much

All my haunting thoughts breaking in
The grief overtakes me
I fall apart
No longer able to keep my pieces together

A heavy weight lay upon my chest.
But then I gave a sigh. Of both, pain and of relief.
The pain of coming to an ending.
The relief of it all being over.

In the pain, I felt grief.
Of what was.
And of what could have been.

In the relief, I felt comfort.
Of letting go of expectations.
And the breaking of a long-held silence.

With that sigh, the weight was released.
In its place, peace took over.

I refuse to be the moon.
I will not merely reflect the light of another.
Standing in the shadows.
I was born to shine and spread my own light.
I will light up your sky.
And you will feel my heat.

In the darkest days, I sought out the light.
And I have found it.
In the depths of my sorrow, I searched for a way out.
And I climbed back up.
Though I bled, I kept climbing.
Through the tears, I kept moving forward.
I am here.
I am alive.
I survive .

There is nothing to mourn.
You were never mine and was not yours.
We were merely a wish I made.
A hope and sigh, for something more.

I see myself in ruins
All of my pieces
Scattered across the floor

A jigsaw puzzle
I do not recognize

The broken pieces
Of who I was

The pieces that once fit
No longer even resemble
Their lines cut new
And the images, changed

A jigsaw puzzle
I do not recognize

I just stare
A sense of confusion
Despair washes over me

I am lost
In this mess
Of broken pieces

There I sat, with the weight of the world perched upon my back.
The thought that this could not get worse.
This could not be heavier.
Then you came.
With your pretty words.
And you showed me…
This could ******* get worse.
This could indeed get ******* heavier.
*******!

All the what ifs will not change the what is.
Your should haves will not erase your mistakes.
The would haves do not create different paths.
You can live in the past, drenched in all you did wrong.
Or you could turn those what ifs into what could be.
Take a deep breath, say goodbye to yesterday.
Forgive your past mistakes and walk into all a new day.

When you cannot look at your reflection, because the face looking back is not what you want to see.

You are still worthy of love.

If you shrink back at the sight of a camera, because getting your picture taken fills you with dread.

You are still worthy of love.

On the days you cannot get out of bed, the blankets weighing you down.

You are still worthy of love.

You do not need to have the seed of self love in you.

You are always worthy of love.