You've got me trapped here
Like a caged animal
Frozen in fear

Every move u make
Every noise u create
Has me rigid and scared
Like an animal in a cage

You step in my direction
And I try to back away
You step in my direction
Briefly place a hand on me
And I feel like a hunted animal
Stuck in a trap
That's been placed around me

You are the hunter
And I am the prey
But you don't hunt me to devour
You hunt me to keep you company

I am a coyote that you've tried to turn into a dog
You fiddle and muddle me
To fit me into what you want me to be
You put a collar on a wild animal
To make me seem more tame

When I can no longer behave like I dog
And I lash and attack like the wild animal you trapped
You place me in a cage
And abuse me
Until I can once again become your dog

I study your every feature
So that I can embalm it in my memory

I do up your buttons as you ask
But then undo them again
So that you'll ask me all over

I kiss you like its my last breath
As I consume every ounce of you
Against my mouth

I carress your skin
Feeling every bump
Every curve
Every flaw
In hopes I don't forget you
Within my soul

I touch your face
As I drink in how your skin feels
So that maybe I can feel it
Within mine

I give you every left over ounce
Of my emotional availability
So that you can remember me fondly

I give you every left over ounce
Of my love and affection
So that you can remember me
The way that you loved me

I know this is it
I know you'll be gone
So in our last moments
Let me embalm every inch of you
And engrain it into me
Before I'm gone

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you don't destroy
The home that we built
On your way out

There's too many destroyed homes
Within me already

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you don't chip off
A piece of my heart
On your way out

There's too many chipped away spots
Already missing

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you don't take
All of the air from my lungs
On your way out

There's too much oxygen already gone
There's not enough to replace it

When you inevitably leave
All that I ask
Is that you close the door gently
All that I ask
Is that you lock the door securely
All that I ask
Is that you move out of the home
Without taking the home with you

I ask
I beg
I plead
I whisper
I scream
I stare
I grasp
I claw
I caress

All in hopes that you hear me
And you see me
And you feel me
Without destroying me

My head and my heart
Refuse to admit
That it was that bad

Even when I remember
I refuse it
With my whole being

Even when I remember
The way I gripped onto you
With every fiber of my being
As I begged you to take it all away

Even when I remember
The way I screamed
With every ounce of air in my lungs
When you became HIM right infront of me

Even when I remember
The way I stared at your face
With no faltering and no break
Just to remind myself that its you

Even when I remember
The way you held me down
With every muscle in your body
As I screamed and hit because he's in my head

My head and my heart
Refuse to admit
That it was that bad
Because then maybe I can forget
Outside of the rare moments
That I remember

Bite my neck
So that I can forget
The way that he would caress it

Choke me
So that I can forget
The way that he would hold me

Abuse me
The way that he never would
When he would use me

Replace the memories
Of his burning love
And toxic touch

With yours
And yours alone

Take wvery time he was gentle
Amd double up on the opposite
As you bite and use me
The way he never did

Shoe me un-gentle
And unkind love
As you replace
Every unwanted touch

I scream into the empty space beyond
"I'M HERE"
But all I hear is my own scream echoed back

I scream out loud
But there is no sound
Except for my own echoes
In my head

Its dark
Empty
Cold
Crushing
And you're the darkness

You're the darkness and he let you back in
With his harsh words
And zero remorse or genuine conviction of care

You're all around me
You completely surrounded me
I can't run
I can't hide
For its endless
And I'm tired

You completely surrounded me
As I drown myself red
To add any colour to this dreadful dark
But it's so dark that nothing could hope to ever see
So the red flows black
Nothing but a feeling
Fleeting
Eating me alive

I scream
"PLEASE HELP I DON'T WANNA DROWN"
But all I hear is a soft voiceless echo
As my cries leave my mouth wordless
So all that can be heard
Is the silent echoes
As I'm swallowed
Now gone

Walk with me into my brothers room
To where the cheap piano stood
Feel the scratchy carpet underneath your feet
And the keys under your fingers as you touch them gently
Remember your frustration that it lives in his room
And not yours
For you're the only person who touches its chords

Walk with me into the darkness outdoors
To where I walked the dog out among the stars
Feel your feet within the shoes you begged and cried for because boys shoes were cheaper
And the leash within your hand
The pain when he would tug and pull and the leash would drag and burn
Remember your anguish as you begged to walk him only once a day
Or maybe for less hours
For your ankle was broke and torn and walking left you powerless

Walk with me into my room
To where you had no door among little privacy
Feel your feet carry you across the hardwood floor
And your fingers grasping the standing closet door
Remember how unsafe you felt as you crawl inside
Lock yourself whithin its grasp as you beg for it to hold you safe some more
For this was your only private space
And you could lock it from indoors