I am yours
Even though I have escaped

I am yours
Because you still control my life

I am yours
Because youre always there in my mind

I am yours
Because somehow you place yourself in the other people around me

I am yours
Because she still tells you all about me

I am yours
Because you still know where I am and could 'visit' me any time

I am yours
Because you still hold power over me

I AM NOT YOURS
Yet you still control every aspect of who I'm trying to be

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was abused
And constantly used
Something used to vent your frustration

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was nothing more
And nothing less than
Something used for ****** gratification

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was manipulated
And nothing on my own
Something used to satisfy your needs

Place me back in time
Back there
Back where I was scared
And nothing but small
Something used to gratify your existence

Use me
Abuse me
Manipulate me
All for your own pleasure
Because its always about you (him)
And never about me
For why care for something that was created
Just to satisfy the needs of others
Who can't be satisfied by regular means

When you look into my eyes
I beg for you to see
The pain that I hide within
But all you see in my eyes
Is your own reflection

When you hear my voice
I beg for you to hear
The strain and break deep in the back
Of my throat
But all you hear
Is your own guilt in disguise

When you take my hand
I beg for you to feel
When I squeez it for a distraction
But all you feel
Is the pain in your own hand


When you kissed me
I begged for you to taste
My very being rotting away
But all you tasted
Was the taste of your own thoughts

When you layed next to me
I begged for you to smell
The fear I feel as my body withers
But all you smelled
Was your own putrid scent

When I cry
I beg for you to notice
The suffering in my tears
But all you notice
Is your own fears

I beg to feel seen by your five senses
But your five senses
Aren't focused on me

I'm tired of feeling so bad
That all I can do is cry
And clutch my chest
As hard as my hands will allow
Because I feel like I'm being ripped
To shreds

I'm tired of feeling so bad
That I feel the need to scream
Til I can't breath
Til I'm coughing and choking
On my own pain
And misery

I'm tired of feeling so bad
That its meltdown
After
Meltdown
Until my face is so swollen from the tears
That I don't recognize the mirror

I'm tired.
And I'm drowning
And you just withdraw your grasp
And turn the other way.

get out
Get out
GEt out
GET out
GET Out
GET OUt
GET OUT

I repeat it under my breath
And louder
And louder
In my head

But it doesnt matter
How many times
I repeat it
Or how loud
That I scream it

It wont do anything
When
YOU
KEEP
BRINGING
HIM HERE

Get away
From the house
Is all I can say
But it wont work
Because getting away
Is my job
And always will be

Your voice in my head
IT WONT LEAVE
Aslong as I hear
Your voice
Utter any words
In my vicinity

I cant get you
OUT
Because she keeps
BRINGING
YOU
BACK HERE

Please
Leave
LEave
LEAve
LEAVe
LEAVE
LEAVE!
LEAVE!!
LEAVE!!!

Or atleast
Let me
Die

You asked if I hate you and said that I should
The last time that you did
What you did

And I don't

I don't hate you
I hate myself

You make me hate myself
You reach deep down inside
Grab all my fears and insecurities
Shove them back down my throat
With all the force you can find deep within
Yourself

You claim to love me
Yet you abandon me in need
And claim I'm too overwhelming
You can't care for me
But oh
You love me

You dont make me hate you
You make me hate myself
You grab every single thing I fear
And you light it on fire infront of my face
As you force me to watch

You claim to love me
Yet you cheat on me when I'm incapacitated
And claim you have no memory
So you can't take accountability
But oh
You love me

You don't make me hate you
You make me hate myself
You grab every single thing I hate about myself
And hold up the magnifying glass to all of it
As you force me to comply

You claim to love me
But then you criticize me when I'm looking for a compliment
And claim you didn't understand what I need
You didn't understand that it was mean
But oh
You love me

No I dont hate you
I hate me.

But man am I ******* angry
At everything you do.

I hate you
I HATE you
I HATE YOU
I wish to scream in your face
I wish to scream until my voice is erased

But you're also everything to me
Everything in me
SCREAMS
I love you
Dont go

Although you dont love me
The way that I love you
Or you wouldn't ruin me
Everytime we get back
Together

You care more about your satisfaction
Than my emotional reaction

You cheat
You lie
You hurt me
And lay it all down in a pretty disguise

You love me
You take care of me
You keep me alive
But it's you I despise

I HATE YOU
But please
Stay here