I’m a thousand miles up
Silk robe
Polo boxers
I think I might jump
I know I can fly
I know I can fall
I feel incredible
I feel like Basquiat before rehab
I feel like VanGoh in love
For once I’m sober
in this moment of clarity I can see the sky as well as the concrete
Equal distances apart
Either one attainable
Both so tempting
Flying or falling
Soaring or stalling
GRAVITY’S A MYTH PERPETUATED
BY THOSE THAT FEAR THE INCREDIBLE
The girl in the bed is screaming
My cellphone is ringing
Hotel staff is banging on my room door
I fill my lungs with the fresh air
And feel the breeze
I don’t step off the ledge
I jump with all my might
In that moment, suspended in the air
I can feel Gods hands wrapped around me

You looking at me
I’m looking through you
You want nothing more than to fix me
All I can think to do is touch you
Maybe we can compromise?
Because I can make you feel special when I talk you out that dress
Don’t be so pressed for these complications and relationships
Good girl like you?
You just weren’t made for this

You don’t know I’m half way out my mind half the time and I won’t budge a quarter
And these days I’m everything I claim to hate
You look me dead in my eyes and all I see is silhouette of your face  

And you know **** well you should hate me
But you’re steady searching for the better side of somebody that ain’t me
Now which one of us is really crazy?

Because I’m a **** poor example of a white knight, right?
Never fall for someone who writes
They’re either melodramatic or monochromatic
And I never did do well with moderation.

(Her to him 10pm)

I love you
I loved you like I said I would
I loved you just the best I could
I love you like you made me
I’ll love you even if you hate me
Even when you love someone else to negate me
Delete every text, picture, and post to erase me
I understand My mistakes and missteps
I do
So even if you never say it back again
I’ll say it one last time
I love you


(Her to him 1 am)
I hate you
I hate you
I    HATE you
I HATE    YOUU
I      HATE    YOUUU

I HOPE IT WEIGHS YOU DOWN AND IT BREAKS YOU
I HOPE YOU CRY LIKE I CRY
AND THE NEXT    TIME YOU TRY TO LOVE
I HOPE IT BREAKS YOUR HOLLOW
HEART
I HOPE YOU RUINED THIS FOR A REASON
I hope it was worth it
I HOPE YOU SEARCH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
AND EVENTUALLY FIND SOME BODY PERFECT
BUILD A LIFE WITH HER
AND LAY IN BED NESTLED BETWEEN THE KIDS
AND REALIZE YOU DON’T DESERVE IT
I know one day you’ll replace me and
I just pray to GOD that she’s perfect!



(Her to him 6 am)
I’m over this.
Do what you want


(Him to her 10am)
I’m sorry

I’m awoken by the sound of the alarm
My throats dry
My lips are cracked
My temples are throbbing
The rooms dark
As I open my eyes
I hear soft breathing next to me in bed
I check my phone
One call missed
three messages unread
The call from my father
The messages from her
Last nights a blur
The empty bottles around the room explain the fuzz
Truth be told I’ve still got a buzz
Truer truth be told as I take a swig from the half empty bottle I’m still drunk
My concept of self is shaky
What city is this?
Is it Cullowhee or Compton
South beach or Charlotte?
Or some where I’ve never been
Whoever’s in the bed shifts as I stumble out of it
I can’t tell if it’s the lack of light or the liquor
but I can’t describe her features
Maybe it’s neither
Maybe I just don’t care
Either way I open the curtains and flood the room with light
I know the city and her as much as I know myself
The only thing I’m sure of is that I’m on the top floor and still alive

My love
       I'm self-destructing
I'm dying
  I'm killing
By my own hands the life in this vessel is slipping away
Every night I struggle to remember why my creator chose to prolong my existence
Yet every night the list of reasons gets shorter, and shorter still
I'm finally down to one
You.