I can't control my emotions.
You have the right to want what you want
while I have the right to want what I want .
we're only human.
We ***** up, we fight, we make up,
we start back from square one.
I try to find the common ground
shared between us,
but one of us always gets hurt.
And if one of us gets hurt it's never her.
Because I love her.
I can't stand to see her upset
and I don't have the right to be happy.

Alone with my thoughts,
alone with all these knives,
knives waiting in the shadows,
waiting to pierce me,
to pierce my heart once more,
my heart that's been broken before,
many times before,
and before I met you,
I had no idea what love meant
or if it was worth trying for,
but now because of you
I don't have to feel that way anymore.

My heart doesn't beat,
It ticks,
like one of those old grandfather clocks
you see in movies
about to strike out.
Midnight turns to morning
and only time will tell
what plans fate has with us,
and whether she'll be cruel or kind
I'll never know till the very end,
but at least I know
that right now,
right here, in this moment with you,
I don't regret a single second.

I'm all you have,
and I know that's sad,
but we'll both be fine,
because when one of us cries
we'll still face our fears,
we won't be alone to dry our tears,
so dry your tears, Love, don't be blue,
I'll be fine if I have you.

If these walls could talk,
oh, the things I'd say,
I'd tell them of the past few days,
about these feelings that won't go away.

If these walls could talk,
I'd probably end up crying
from always lying,
from all the feelings I've been denying.

But these walls will never talk
and neither will you,
because you were the one who withdrew.
If only you knew
how lonely I've been without you...

Sunsets in every color,
is what I love about summer.
Everything you ever put me through,
is what I hate about you.

I have loved and I have lost
I have laughed and I have cried
I have created and I have destroyed
I have lived... and now I must die

I have no one to talk to
no one to vent to
no one to take off the burdens
no one to set me free.

He used to listen to me
he used to care about what I had to say.
I used to care about him
before he cared about her instead.

Now I'm all alone
to cry about my dad.
Now I'm all alone
to deal with my insecurities.
Now I'm all alone
to fight against the knife.

Now no words have left my lips
since his lips have been on her.

They say you don't know
what you're missing
until it's gone.
Except when I lost her,
it made me realize
that I have nothing.
I'm walking this road alone,
but the wind isn't at my back,
and when I reach my destination
there will be no one to meet me
in an embrace that makes
living this life worth it.

I know who I am
you say I should care
but really I don't give a ****
about the clothes I wear

Forcing glitter upon my body
will not change my self esteem
or even make me the hottie
that you so childishly dream

You made me this way
by your harsh-spitting words
until what little I grasp decays
into one of my baggy t-shirts

I can't go back
to the world I used to know
where no one would ever attack
the way I've grown

I swear I know who I am.

If you seek me, I will always hide,
if you chase, me I will always run,
if you hit me, I will always fight,
if you turn out the light, I'll be the sun

I think I'm starting
to look like I'm starving.
My cheeks are sunken,
my stomach can't function,
and my ribs are poking.
My stomach's only soaking
up water cause I'm pounds away
from my goal weight.
But it'll never be enough.
I'll never be enough...

I'm a drop in the ocean
a cloud in the sky
a flower in the field
a star in the night.
I'll never be special
no matter how hard I try.

I could write you a poem from the heart
but I don't think you'd like it.
I don't think you'd even finish the poem,
let alone skim each line,
I'm pretty sure you wouldn't take the time
to find a deeper meaning
in the abyss of words
that make up my mind
or be able to keep yourself
from jumping to conclusions
on what my metaphors mean.
So if you asked me to write you a poem,
I would just hand you a blank piece of paper,
because writing a poem for you
is just a waste of time
just like every second I ever spent on you,
every feeling faltering,
every word a write off,
every metaphor meaningless.
I'll never write you another poem again
because you deserve to be kept in the dark,
because you don't deserve to know
just how bad you really hurt me.

I'm not experienced
I've never felt love
I've never felt anything
like this

so when you whisper
those maple syrup words
hot and thick
in my ear
I say them back
more as a question
than an answer

You told me you loved me
and I said It back,
not knowing you meant it in that way.

There's a monster that lurks in the shadows
waiting for the right moment to strike,
so it can dig its fangs into a human,
tear its flesh limb from limb.
It'll wait as long as it takes
if it means it can take the time
to savor the ****
and quench its thirst for blood.

I'll lurk in the shadows
and wait for the right opportunity
to rob you of your humanity.
I'll lie, cheat, and steal
to cover up my crimes.
I don't care if I ruin your life
as long as your downfall benefits mine.
Am I really any different from the monster?

Not many things bring me joy in life,
when I say I'm fine
I'm just trying not to cry,
because talking about things
only make them worse,
Maybe the more I say I'm fine
The less it'll hurt

I miss you
and I hope you miss me too,
because when I think of you
I don't feel so blue.
I don't have anything better to do
than sit and reminisce you,
so right now, I'll power through,
so later I can tell you how much I love you:)

It's not love
if you kick someone to the curb,
if you drop someone like a bad habit.
You said you had no one to talk to
even when I was standing next to you,
yet you always looked at her
like she was the only thing
that could put a smile
on those lips I've kissed.
You had checked out of our relationship
before it was even over,
and here I am, still trying to be sober,
trying to let go of the grasp
I still have on you.
I was nothing compared to her.
I'm sorry I couldn't be her,
I'm sorry it wasn't love.

I'm still wishing for the day
when I can be a priority over
everything else in your life,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I won't cry alone in my room  
holding my childhood stuffed animal,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I won't feel bitter about the way
you continue to treat me,
I'm still wishing for the day
when I can be a person
who can stand on their own,
I'm still wishing for the day
when you stop trying to turn me
into a ticking time bomb,
I'm still wishing for the day
when loving myself will be enough
to pick up the pieces when I shatter

I want to talk to you
but I can't.

It would be too awkward
with the looming elephant
in the room,
the thing that divided us
like the sun and the moon.

The chasm between us is only widening
with each passing day
because I find it frightening
just to look you in the eye
because of the things I've done.

And because of my mistakes
I am no longer the one
who gets to hold you tight.
I'm the reason
that I sleep alone at night...

They say the truth sets you free,
but it only puts me in chains,
roots me like a tree
no matter what society claims.

Sometimes I start thinking
What if I had lied?
Would I still be sitting here sinking?
Would you not have cried?

Sometimes some things
should be taken to the grave.
Because the truth hurts, it stings.
I never said I was brave...

You never leave my dreams
no matter where you are
when I'm awake.

I always see you're smiling face
or your brow furrowed in anger
when my dreams are in danger
of turning into a nightmare.

But I'm never scared
because you're always there.

Even if it's just for a split second,
a wave my way
instantly puts my mind at ease
like a baby being rocked to sleep.

But now you're no longer there...

I'm aware that, in reality, you never cared,
but in my dreams, it seemed,
with each hug and hasty shout,
that I was all you ever cared about.

But now even that version of you is gone too,
slowly being replaced by her
even though many months felt like a blur.

I've realized she's the girl I love
and that I have nothing to be ashamed of,
but I still want to cry myself to sleep
even though you'll no longer be
in my dreams to comfort me...

I'll never be able
to count the stars in the sky,
just like I'll never be able
to make you love me.
I would sell my soul
and spend an eternity in hell
just to spend a single second with you
in your arms
in your head
in your heart
Sometimes I wish I could
cast a spell on you
and make you love me
so that you could be
in my brain
in my body
in my life
But I know no matter how often
I open my eyes
the only place we'll ever be together
is inside my mind.

I saw the devil in her eyes,
       and I had thought I was fine,
               but I was too dumb to realize
                      I had let her inside my mind.

I've got jealousy
inside of me.
I can't set it free,
I can't let you see
this monster inside of me
because I can't guarantee
that I'll keep my sanity,
and though I can't breathe
I'll continue to keep
this jealousy
inside of me.

Do I have the power
to inspire with just a pen?
To give up fighting
my way through this world
with a sword and
pick up a passion instead?

Paintbrush in my hand,
yellow paint at the ready
to add the last finishing touches.

It's a landscape of a bright sunset
bleeding into dark waters.
Its beautiful beyond compare,
enough to make anyone smile
at just the mere sight of it.

But I'm frowning.
Because where I make a masterpiece,
I see a piece of work.

Just like when I look
into the mirror everything morning.
I see features of my face
that could be painted over
or blended in to look prettier
like the other girls at my school.

But unlike my artwork that I can
fix and fool around with until I'm pleased,
I can't change my face into
a work of art that I can be proud of.
I  know I will always feel like a failed project.

I really am my worst critic...

I saw the beauty
in what sweeps
in feathery waves
down your back
what bathes in light
when the sun
puts a spotlight on
it's wild wisps
what falls in tendrils
over your shoulder
until you messily tuck
it behind
your ear
what makes me blush
as ruby red
as those voluminous
curls

I saw the beauty

I saw you with your mask down today.
You had kept it on for so long
I had thought it was super glued to your face,
but when it slipped I saw that the person
who seemed cold and distant on the inside
only kept up that guard on the outside.
You remind me of a swimming pool,
cold if you only dip your toe in,
but not so bad if you jump straight in.
I'm glad I saw you with your mask down today.
Never put it back on.

Every morning I wake up thinking that the sky is falling

Is it normal to be this sad?
Will I ever see past today?
because I can't remember
a day I haven't felt this way...

I am going to die soon.

Life is just a flicker,
like turning off a light.
One second the light's there
and then its gone

The world's been around
for billions of years.
I won't make a difference.
My stories wont be told
in textbooks for students
to roll their eyes over .

The only thing I'll leave behind
is my carbon footprint.
I'll only be killing
Mother Earth
the longer I live

People take their time
trying to figure out life's least
answered questions,
but no one has ever wondered this:

Is life worth living at the cost of another?

I think I kinda sorta like you
at least that's what I think
I can't even look at you
without turning pink

You're out of my league
I'm trying to touch the stars
trying to pursue you
will only leave scars

I think I kinda sorta like you
you're the only one who gets me
when our hearts beat together
I feel casual and carefree

It's probably just a faze
In a few days this will end
I really need to stop this
I do have a boyfriend

But I think I kinda sorta love you...

"Do you think he's hot?"
a girl said to me, pushing her phone in my face.
The picture was of a guy standing in the mirror,
his shirt off and his hair tugged up with product,
the type of guy girls would worship.
"No," ​I said, because I didn't like lying to people.
"He's not my type."
The girl  just shrugged me off and turned to
show the picture to the girl next to me.
But little did that girl know
that while she was worshiping the guy on her screen,
I was busy worshiping the girl next to me.
I think I might be a little gay..

I cannot lie.

I think of you
before I fall asleep
where in my mind you still creep
I think of you
where the happiest moments lay
underneath warm afternoon rays
I think of you
even through the sea of bottles,
a facade on full throttle
I think of you
when I try to restore
and move on with the boy next door

and I can only cry.

"It's the little battles that win the war,"
I repeat over and over again
even as my war paint wears off,
as I'm fighting an uphill battle.
I know I can't give up
because surrendering means
sacrificing my humanity,
everything I've been fighting for.
I won't be the daughter
you want me to be,
I will break free,
I will be me.
"It's the little battles that win the war."

I've burned so many bridges
I have no where else to go,
no where to cross.
Now all I look down and see,
between the chasms I created,
is the infinite abyss,
dark and swirling and ******* me in.
I have no where else to go,
and since I've burned so many bridges,
all I can do now is jump.

I want to be famous
so I can escape this deadbeat town,
full of people who buzz like bees
and spread rumors like honey.
I want to leave this town
so I can leave you behind
like last week's trash,
and be free from the chains
and teeth that gnash.
I want to leave you behind
so I can bloom bright and beautiful.
Because when you're around
the only thing I can do is drown.

I hate those people with perfect lives
That never seem to have anything go wrong,
like they are in the clouds
And never have so much as a drop of rain tarnish their trendy clothes,
they're above everyone else
and they believe it too,
yet they are never grateful
for the things they'll never have to go through,
you don't deserve to be in this place,
you don't deserve to always have your way,
you never have the worst fate you,
and for that I will always hate you

My dreams every night
are always the same,
of me taking my back pack
and running away.
But it's not the running away that's weird.
It's that I'm always running from my fears,
from the same place,
from the same person.
I'm running away from you
whether its in the dead of night
or the middle of the day,
because I'll do anything
to keep the demons at bay.
But just for once
I wish I could be brave,
because running from your problems
makes you afraid,
at least that's what society says.
Sometimes I just wish
I could control my dreams,
so that whenever I feel like running away
I could turn around
and finally meet you face to face.

I wish there was a parallel universe
where I could have you.
Where I could wake up next to you
and be the happiest person alive.
Where you and I could be together
out on the town, the night lights
radiating your imperfections that
I've come to love so much.
Where I could sit you down
to meet my parents
and see their faces shining with pride
because their daughter is dating someone
rich in love instead of wealth.
Where we could hold hands
and walk down the street
without the world telling us we're wrong.

I know I would find it fun to live a different life,
but really I just wish there was a parallel universe
so that I could make you happy.

I could stare in the mirror for hours
but not because I'm pretty
or think I am
I wonder how people perceive me
if they truly think my smile
is real
I wonder if people can see through
the walls I've had up
since elementary
I wonder if people can see the ropes
my parents try so hard
to bind me in
I wonder if people think I'm crazy
when I walk through the halls
talking to thin air.
I wonder if people can see how hard
I try to not look like
everyone else
I wonder if he knows that I love him
but only ever as
a brother
I wonder if I will ever see myself
as anything more than
a fake

I'm wearing your jacket,
breathing you in,
feeling the places where your bare skin has touched,
Imagining your arms around me.

Yet as he sees me do these things,
sees that I'm obviously taken,
he still pulls me close
and wraps his arms around me.