These thoughts are unhinging
My words have stopped clinging
No solid tune to help me keep singing
I wonder to what end my actions are bringing
I flee the discourse at a moments bidding
And still I cannot keep myself from swinging
Frying the meat that keeps me believing
Slurring the speech I've been using since my upbringing
I'd beg to be alone if it weren't for myself that I've been fearing
The space is thick and nothing is moving
My voice of reason has started assuming
That my reckless life is of one of my choosing
Is it to myself or to others that I'm proving
The worth that I just pretend to be using
While I smile at another's undoing
You see me at ease when I'm viciously fuming
It's your tender intentions I'm lovingly ruining
And in the midst while I'm consuming
You awe at me unaware of what I'm doing
While all along I've been quietly hinting
That your state of mind is slowly slipping
Into mine and now it's dripping
From all the truth that you've been missing
I will not harm if you're not committing
I will only whisper if you avoid screaming
I'll kiss it away if you leave behind hitting
I'll bleed for you if you let me do the spilling
I never forced you into this realm of unfeeling
But I'll certainly say that you were most willing

People don't seem to get how I feel at all
and no matter how hard I try to explain it it's like continually walking into a wall

I tried telling them about when I see people outside
and I get the urge to talk to them but it gets overruled by the bigger urge to hide

Or how I could feel like buying pizza or chocolate
but then I remember I have to talk to the person behind the counter and I figure it's better to wait

I get excited about a party but when I have to go out of the door
I always somehow end up staying at home, no wonder I never get any invitations anymore

If I see people I recognize on the street
I tend to back off and run away if it is possible instead of just greet

I have to call doctor? Oh no!
It doesn't matter, I tell myself, I don't really need to go

People usually don't understand my fear
and just because it isn't visible to you doesn't mean it's not here

But I understand why they don't get me
because who is so excited about being around people yet too afraid to actually be?

Yeah that's true, it's sadly me