The air is cool and damp in the mornings
So the ache of missing you is creeping in
Like how the old folks sense a storm
You are my storm
I slept thirty six hours trying to dream of you again
But you're a phantom inside my mind
Always just out of reach
Maybe this year you'll find me in the light
My beautiful faceless boy

Either say you miss me
Or tell me what you want from me
Are the options I pretend are on the table
Like I won't talk to you for hours
Like my heart doesn't skip
When your name comes on my phone

Explain to me
Why I miss you
When I know so well
That nothing was real
And you've loved on
(*Moved)
And I can't trust you
And I wasn't good enough





"It was real."

*******
****
You

You took me to all of your favorite places
Showed me around your home town
Introduced me to your mother
You fed me
You held me
We made plans
We made dinner
You lied to me
You threw me away
You made me feel like I was crazy
You told me it was my fault
You told me I wasn't good in bed
Like you didn't tell me
That my body was beautiful
"Pay attention to my actions"
See what you want to see
"I still care about you"
I'm going to keep you until I don't need you

I told you once
That I need to be held after ***
Or the anxiety gets me
"Why didn't you tell me?"
And you wrapped me up
And made me feel so small
And you kissed the top of my head

Every time after that

I could curl up under your arm
My back against your side
Your arm curled around me
And I held on for dear life

And it meant nothing to you

Us
With no clothes on
In the daylight
You were holding both my hands
Chest to chest
My legs around you
We made eye contact
As I moaned your name
You leaned in
And kissed my forehead


And it meant nothing to you

I ****** you
And you didn't even like it

I took my clothes off
In the daylight

And it wasn't good enough for you

"I'm bad with words. Judge my actions."

That was a trap

Because you told me exactly what it was
But let me read into it how I wanted

I've never been played in my life
But you're a manipulative *******
Who let me love you for your benefit

My love
I don't know why the universe
Blatantly refuses
To let us face something together