umm...
are you really in prison?!?
and if so, how did I get there?
I do not like this story
I am very claustrophobic

you are so hard
to get close to
but are you also hard
when you think of me?

I can feel my heart beating
pulsing
pounding
just not in my chest

I felt the same
when you were gone for so long
I got used to it,
was disturbed when you reappeared
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have followed you
it’s just, we were going the same way

wait, was it a coincidence?
do it again

the day is cold
very cold
it will not get warm
but my heart makes up for all those types of things

the morning is a cold clean shower
making me happy to be alive
the brain is a lovely washcloth

the cold irony of your words when you think you are talking about love is endearing
but sometimes I feel sad for you

red ***, meet green kettle
behave yourselves now

I am so sorry
I am so sad
come back
dear sociopath lover
I live for you
truly
all the feelings I have
revolve around you
even if you are a lying
psychotic
*******

and isn’t that what counts?

history is a comedy
of things that felt right
the world was flat
we were at the center
there was no such thing as atoms or molecules or bacteria
god existed
it’s all very funny now

when I was a kid
the cute little next door neighbor boy would come over every day
and knock on the door
-tink tink tink
my mom would open the door
and he always said
—can hevver and ehwin come out to play?
and we did
you should try something like that

I would like you to take my hand
and lead me down a peaceful street
I would like you to hug me in the shade
tell me I’m great
it will all be ok
pull my head to your shoulder
pet my hair
I would like to rest
there
in the comfort of you

commas are graphic
three dimensional bullies
so opinionated
we should put them in their place

while words hold a great deal of fascination
from the heart, much is lost in translation

everyone needs someone to think about
when they’re in a
thinking about a person kind of mood
I think about you

I have to get something off my chest…

I love cheese dip
and I’m not talking about fancy cheese dip
I mean straight out of the tin
100% processed, chemical
no cheese involved cheese dip

also

** **’s
man, that’s just childhood bliss
pure preservative laden childhood bliss
that’s “my mom loves me and life is good” sugar

corn dogs
who doesn’t love corn dogs?
minions of satan that’s who
and orange crush
peanut m&ms
******* jack popcorn
there was a cheap toy inside
a tattoo, or a plastic ring…

I was one of those kids
innocent, hopelessly naive, vulnerable

and

******* world

I still am

I feel very two dimensional tonight
what’s the point of three dimensions when nothing is real?
it seems very decadent and unnecessary
we are spoiled gods
squandering the wealth of our space time continuum

I love you so much
but you aren’t you
and I’m not me

at times I feel very convinced
by my convictions
other times I just feel
convicted

my thoughts are so convoluted
I can’t even make most of them public anymore
they are a knot of illogical forms
like a suburban American neighborhood
coming to no conclusion
having no insight into the human condition
or universal truths
I wish I had Stonehenge thoughts
or Egyptian pyramid thoughts
even English garden thoughts
but no, my thoughts are cul de sacs,
interconnected parking lots,
irrigated lawns
my thoughts are 2 inch caliper pin oaks
in 16 square feet of backfill
and they need a vacation

cookies and tea
and a hand on the knee
are a few of the things
I find most lovely

before being observed
(and subsequently destroyed)
the cat was teleported to an array of galaxies
and times
thereby seeding the universe
with his own special brand
of ambiguity

I’ve revisited some of my past offerings
I’ve given you
a breathtaking display
of devotion
and lust
there is no denying this

I expect you have appreciated it
I’m just saying
I see it too

my sleepy candle lit porch
is a wonderful place
to smoke cigarettes
drink whiskey
watch the moon
and flatter myself
while listening to crickets

my mind is blank
my insides are shushed
I am holding my breath
in two shaky hands
an offering
to a slowly circling crow

I rarely cry
really, almost never
I can count on one hand
the last five
traumatic
years

it takes significant stimulus
inputs
third party perspectives and

alcohol


but eventually


it happens

like a dream
sweet, sweet relief
waterfalls of relief

it’s just
then

I can’t

stop

he’s a cutie
with his sweet smile and boyish looks
who holds his hand at night?
who kisses him goodbye in the morning?
I’m very concerned about this
everyone needs these things

tiny yellow flowers are winking at me
very slowly

every morning they get started
like a long slow yawn
stretching
stretching
stretching
their little petals wide

around midday they’re open and alert
looking around curiously at their neighbors
the grass
and saying hello to me on my lunch break

then they get sleepy
starting to close up shop at dusk
good night now, they sing softly,
sweet dreams
closing
closing
closing
their delicate lashes as the sun slips away

the daily blink

try explaining circumcision
to an uncircumcised 12 year old boy

good luck!
have fun!
I hope it’s love at first site
and if not, blink a few times

I have a feeling dating in my 40s
is going to be like buying new earrings
I’ll have to remember not to get too attached

a dead silence
grinds the nerves
into long strings of tendon
holding together nightmares

my mind conjures the sound
of Sweeney Todd
making sausage

it will be a huge loss
everything will change
become so much easier
nothing will be the same
for better or worse
I hope I have the will power
I hope I keep my strength
I mean, 10 pounds? Off my frame?
it will be a game changer

my gleeful innocence is investigating
my human foolishness
with joyful detachment
my soul is emanating a deafening love
keeping everyone company

the storm of pain blows easily away
a simple prayer for healing
and an open heart  
but when the clouds clear
the sun appears singing of your face
the light is filled with you
as was the empty darkness

it’s confusing to pray for release
when happy and sad are the same thing
what does healing look like?
maybe loving you
but letting you go anyway
dear galactic mind
what is acceptance?

do not put dead fish on your dating profile
no one likes that
unless you’re doing it ironically
then you must make that very clear
also, keep your clothes on
I don’t even know you
sincerely,
**** single lady you are not dating

dear rain
please
stop!
I have to paint!
I have important Things to do!
my porch is not going to finish remodeling itself!

also
my flowers want me to tell you
so I will
begrudgingly
and contrary to my own desires…

thank you

whatever you overindulged in
over the past 4 days
we forgive you
please don’t **** us

unfortunately, I am not afraid of normal things
like a god fearing woman should be
like ****, or ******,
or being photographed without make up
I’m afraid of
supernatural parasites
being abducted by aliens
losing my place in line at the DMV

also, sharks
if you were a shark
I would find you terrifying

as it is
I find you fascinating
and ****
you would be a great way to die
or live, if that’s an option

I had hope
I was really excited about it
I held onto it for a very long time
but now I have none
and if I’m being honest
this is more my default state

my phone keeps suggesting I go places
I don’t want to go
no phone, I say
we’re not doing that anymore
delete delete delete
why don’t you find a nice **** site

I see you in black and white
the smoke is writhing around my body
silks draping from me
my hair is long and soft
my skin is naked and pale
you are looking at me
with too many faces
your eyes hold too many meanings
I’m intoxicated, incapacitated
by your meanings
yet I know you distill
into one simple clear truth
and I know this truth of you

I dreamed you wrote me a poem
because that is the extent
of my dreams now

I am still all here
it seems
I am not magic

nothing is sticking to me anymore
I had to buy a sticking spray
for love and discipline
and to keep from falling to my death

my time with you was very disrupted this morning
now I am extremely grouchy
and needing extra coffee

the plane is flying
no babies are crying
but the guys behind me are talking about guns
fortunately my ear buds are working
because this tin can is jerking
and the guy next to me doesn’t appreciate puns