you press me firmly against the wall
you are angry
your face says
you squeeze tightly my arms
my father used to hold me this way
about the throat
it caused fear
and rage
why now does it cause
unbearable desire

truth is a tiny current
ebbing along the probability wave
of human thought

nothing I write
on this site
will make him care
about me

I think you meant to apologize
for being a presumptuous condescending *****
to a complete stranger
but it came out wrong
you can always try again

I am a tunnel between sunrise and sunset
life breezes through me
time stands still inside me
I am invisible to the wind
I am invisible to myself

thank you for this bit of silence
you are predictable
calming, relaxing
you help me keep balance

with your long

undemanding

stretches

of emptiness

it is just enough space
for a revelation
a soul searching
an enriched solitary intimacy

as well as
a cognac with
a twist of orange

two weeks used to be hard
and then I made it three months at a time
last year was only once
my goal now is to go a whole year
without seeing him
and then that year can turn into another year
and another
until I don’t even notice the years going by
and it just becomes like regular life
whatever that was
at some point maybe I’ll even go a day
without thinking of him

I’m at the top of my game
when on bottom

guilt is following me around today
like a bad hangover
but I haven’t drank a thing
dear god of sin,
stay in your lane

my fortune cookie told me to unfurl my fantasies
that’s like telling a person stranded in the middle of the ocean they should go for a swim

I want to give my dangerous innocence
to your eyes
twist your desire
to my darkness
turn you into my favorite monster
and let you off your leash

I am having significant trouble to focus
there are feelings swirling in areas that do not help one to think
and in my brain
thoughts of you
have performed a coup

if you can’t be with the one you love
take care of the one you’re with

you’re right
I’m not going anywhere
take your time

I’m full of whimsy and imaginary friends
we are dancing and smiling and feeling good
we are holding hands and feeling safe
we are making the life until the life is made

I have no fantasy
no desire
no muse
no love
no spark

I can’t keep my mouth shut, he said
same, dude, same

this day is grey
inside and out

I hope you find someone new
and your new efforts are not in vain
I hope it works out for you
and you cause your new person
less pain

I feel an overwhelming love for myself and for you
I hope you can feel it too

easy to match
impossible to attach

forget, whispered the wind
and then died

don’t fret darling
there is no force in the universe
stronger than the existence between us

desire tightens it’s grip
around my body in the dark
pain whispers a vulnerable plea
please
don’t stop

every moment is now
on my lips

I pull up the covers
turn down the light
and hold the poems gently
through the lonely dream filled night

I long to have too much of you
I don’t think it’s possible

if I drink enough
I can’t stop crying
which is such a relief
from the rage

I dreamed I was ****
but the lady wouldn’t stop criticizing me
so I stayed in the dressing room

if your kingdom is built on fairytales
you had better be a princess

I am attacked this morning
by the emptiness of arms
the mind is unkind
I shield myself with a pushy dog

ah well
you know where to find me

a beautiful sleep
makes a beautiful me

do you mean anything
you say or do?
is there any reason at all
I should trust you?

napping in the sun
head filled with visions of love
peace in the heart
divine

I turned off my phone and discovered
a whole other life

the rain has come for me
to say all the things I no longer can

I gobble them up
the words
like a woman starving

every time you write you say something senseless or cruel
so don’t write
don’t think
speak
or forget me forever
just forget me forever

could you ever love me
as much as poetry?

little bits of song
and silence
I would never
shy away
from you

I traced your lines so many times
you are engraved in my brain
I’m just not sure what the message is

I had an outbreak
of obsession
seeing him inflamed my condition

I miss you
even though
there is so little
to miss

you’ve upended my world again
I don’t know what to think
but my feelings don’t seem to care what I think

scientists are the real gurus of poetry
a scientist came up with the term
“transient luminous event”
as a technical term

that person is my new muse

you budged in here with a mask
it’s not my fault you got shot

I no longer take responsibility for my feelings
there are aliens in space toggling levers back and forth
shooting experimental pink beams into my brain
while eating Reese’s pieces

I’m very alone in my bed this morning
except for a frisbee
and a rope tug toy
and pieces of a purple dragon
and a red squeaker shaped like a heart
and a dog
I’m very alone

for the first time in almost 20 years
I am (nearly) out of cereal
I can’t wait