I have been looking at shoes all week
scrolling scrolling scrolling
through dozens and dozens of types
but I cannot find a single pair I want to try on
it’s ok, I don’t mind going barefoot
and I have very pretty feet

I’ve decided to marry you
no, I mean, I’m ending it
I’m ending it, we’re through
wait... hello?

I reread my poems all the time
so I can remember who I am
and how I feel
sometimes I get surprised, thinking—
Wait!! What?!?
and then—
Oh yeah, that’s right
That is me

there is a dire incompatibility
and it is not time or space
or others
you should know
by now
what it is
I have wrapped my head all the way around you
and my understanding is an ouroboros
who is no longer hungry

what is this wall made of
and how do we overcome it?
if I climb it will you catch me on the other side?
if you take a step towards me will it disintegrate?
I will come to you and you will come to me
I will follow you and you will follow me
one thing I know
whatever keeps us apart
will melt like ice beneath the fire of our touch

I don’t know what you hoped to accomplish
at any given point
what reality you were trying to create for me
why you didn’t trust me
or tell me the truth
all I know is:
it’s very hard to lie to me,
for reasons previously discussed;
it’s been very painful;
I think you’re still... somewhere;
and I hate how elated that makes me feel

the feelings are occurring all day long
causing wardrobe concerns

a kitty is thinking sweet poetry thoughts
purring in the sun
on a bed of warmly blooming heather

my neighbors are
Big Fans
of military history
and every so often
when we’re hanging out
and they’ve had a few beers
I find myself thrown into
a unique kind of
Friendly Fire

when your guard is always up
you can’t enjoy the revelry brought by
fun loving bandits

hello Friday, Saturday, and Sunday
let’s just try to get along

do you want me to shoot you in the foot?
oh, you already did?
(grimaces) I was going to use blanks

I never think
what could’ve been
I never think like that
what is
is
that’s always been enough for me

panic?
conscience?
counterinsurgency?
immune system?
parasites?
epileptic?
diabetic?
killer bees?
shark?
zombie?
... aliens?

what mess?
I’m great
life is—
fantastic

where are you again?

you could fix it
so easily
that’s what makes you suspicious
you don’t

what’s your game mate?
what are you playing for?

you’ve undressed me
with your eyes
tied me up
with your desire
left me to suffer
until you return
to finish what you started

my dog does not know
what the vacuum cleaner is
but he understands
it is a terrifying
dangerous
machine
and he is ready
to protect me
when the time comes

you now have a Cat
she lives Deep Underground
maybe you can find her

I waited for you, alone
in this brightly lit room
until finally
it was a turn off

who is my you?
not him or he
not her or she
not I or me or the sky or sea
it’s only you
only you
who knows who

I can’t talk to myself anymore
myself betrayed me
lied
can’t be trusted
it doesn’t exist now
I’m not sure who does

who is my captor?
is it him? or you?
who is the arbiter
of my Stockholm syndrome?

or is it me?

I loved this person so profoundly
who wouldn’t?
every whim and fantasy
at your fingertips
at the edge of your mind
teasing thoughts from deep hiding
thoughts you didn’t know you had
feelings you didn’t believe in
who wouldn’t?

why couldn’t it have been you, he said
but I thought it was

Why does he love you? he asked
What is it about you
that he loves?
Presumably because he couldn’t imagine
why anyone would

my dog hates the dishwasher
the dishes go in yummy
and come out completely tasteless

if you try to speak to me
I will run and hide in the dense thickets
peeking out curiously
as you call

will you come to my funeral
at least
will you say good bye
will you say
see you next time

it was very warm in my bed last night
someone must have turned up the heat

or maybe it was these
                                     thick
                                              blankets
                                                            of snow

I saw you peeking
from different times
and different places
I saw you peeking
with different names
and different faces
you had a crooked witches window
from a crooked little world
you flew through with crooked fingers
to steal a wistful frozen girl

she’s settled now, in your arms
and sweetly in your dreams
yet trapped with someone else somehow
or so it forlornly seems

a dusty dirt road dwindled
to a path of no desire
I wandered aimlessly
and without footsteps

I like other planets
I can be imaginary anywhere
and I would like a vacation

I’m laughing,
I know it doesn’t feel like it
but I’m laughing
with you

don’t end up on the wrong side of my tracks
it’s a dangerous neighborhood over there
but there’s lots of signs to keep you safe
if you’re the sort to pay attention

I am a tiny elephant
riding my handsome donkey
into a wonderland of dreams

a weakness takes over me
and I am crushed
unable to breathe or speak or move
the heart breaks
alone
the spirit races in darkness
unable to find a finish line
eyes close
world disappears
I disappear

I miss my lovely feelings.
I miss you.
Who are you again?

I don’t like the way he looks at me sometimes
he looks at me the way I wanted you to

I wrote you a story
it starts, “my wrists...”
and ends with eating popcorn
a dining room table is prominently featured
but this is the wrong venue for all that

there’s something wrong with my phone
a weird broken light
I need to send it away to be fixed
some people would go crazy over this
but I don’t mind
I have the kind of resolve that comes from
years
of unreasonable discipline

the words are piling up
becoming jumbled
a mountain of letters
of various fonts
all trying to say the same thing

you are not the words
there is a feeling inside me

you are not words but
a feeling
inside me

I don’t see you
You don’t see me
Not really

until I wake up
you’ll do

once you’ve been cut down
I’m not sure it’s true
you’ll come back bigger
and stronger
I’m not sure
wiser, maybe
(more cynical?)
but stronger?
I don’t know

you’ll persist
this is all I know
so far
you’ll persist

peace of mind
I’ll get it
one way or another
you’ll see
it will be fine

I love the guys in their 40’s
who put on their profiles
“Wants kids”
and I’m like
seriously dude?
then you shouldn’t have ****** up your last 15 years of relationships

all you young men out there
take heed
put the work in now
because you’re going to want kids someday

I never know what to say
on any given day
to make things go your way