Did I  become a guinea pig in your research on love?

I know you'd buy me the whole world if you could
but you can't afford it

I'm stuck with you
miles away or face to face
you'll always haunt me
you act nice to get what you want

I can't forget you're all I had
really felt like I had no one

you were there
still you were no one

you didn't know how to care for me
how was I supposed to care about you

it's harder these days
we pretend
I didn't hear you say
all those things

you wanted to die
I wanted to **** myself

you loved a psychotic man
I'm scared of men coming close to me

what happened
did we make those things happen
did I watch it all happen

silent
you were always on the phone
I'd drink all alone

I wanted to cry
in the mornings when you were so depressed
you couldn't talk or move

I was so tired
of seeing you hate our home

I was hateful
we never had a home

I don't think I'll ever see you again
stop asking me

you messed me up in more ways than I can count

I'm not regretful
I'm not angry
anymore

I still love you
it's the worst part

it's the most painful

to love you
after all the **** we went through

you control me
manipulate me

I'll love you
like a fool

bleeding on the floor
it was your
it was my fault

I haven't seen you months
do you still hide the beer at the bottom of the fridge

how does it feel

is it lonely
is it quiet

so oblivious
people like you will never know

it's the maddening hunger
that runs down my spine,
my nerves, they are loose,
glowing like fireflies
I cut myself open for this glory pain,
like the sky opens itself
for the pouring rain
a reddish coat covers my pale skin
and I feel great
  I am sane, sane, sane

My rainy thoughts
Are trickling down,
They are tickling me
And making wet my town.