i prayed every night:
when morning comes
don’t wake me up.

& i woke up
every morning.

i don’t know
what to believe in anymore.

Como duele que seas ajena.
Ajena de mis brazos
y mi cariño.

Saber que entregas tu boca,
como si fuera  el manantial
del cual todos pueden beber
su agua cristalina.

Me amargan
estos celos que no deberían
ser míos.

Sé que no somos nada,
porque eres
ajena a mí.

Ajena de esos besos
que podrían cubrir
tu cuerpo.

Ajena porque no sabes
la vida que podría
prometerte,
los desvelos libidinosos
para que nuestro placer conmute.

Pero prefieres vivir
libre como el aire
que te despeina,
probar todos los sabores
que la vida te sirva.

Por eso
malgido el haberte conocido
aquel diciembre inolvidable.

Porque ahora
mi mente solo sabe
de tí. De tus olores,
de tus labios de algodón
y tu piel café.

De tus gustos,
de esa risa que me atonta,
sabiendo que tú
eres ajena.

i’ve never fallen in love before
but i’m telling you
if i did,
my bones would screech and creak and crack to build you a home that doesn’t fight back
and
i would shower you with love until you drowned because i don’t know how to love unless it becomes too much someway or somehow
and
you would become all that i breathe and need and see and the very sound of your name would be enough to cause another relapse
because i’ll get addicted too soon and too fast and you’ll think it’s great
at first
until i’m publicly on my knees aching for your velvet kisses back
and
i've never cared for someone this way before
but i'm telling you
if i did,
my lungs would collapse and inflate again and again because you will be the only thing i'll ever breathe in
and
the people in my life would never amount to you, and maybe that's a little messed up but i wrote it
felt it
bled it, so it must be true
because i don't know how to let someone in unless i push every other person out and you'll love my attention
at first
until
you're throwing glass plates at my following figure
until
you're yelling regrets and things i should've considered
until
you hate me
because you don't want to be the only one
even if i want you to be.
i’ve danced with the devil because he has the prettiest eyes i’ve ever seen in my life
but i didn’t love him
i’ve kissed the hands of god because he smells like my childhood home and i liked that a lot
but i didn’t love him
i’ve cut open my skin for my first girlfriend because she promised to stay and that drove me insane
but i didn’t love her
and i’m telling you
if i did
i would write a poem convincing her that i didn’t
because i’ve never loved in a way that doesn’t became some form of a burden.
and i don’t love you
yet
but i am going to scrub my words into your naked body and i am going to promise that there’s nobody
but you
and you are going to love every second of it
because you’ve given in to destruction and seduction and you already understand everything about pain
you already know there’s everything to lose and i’m the only thing you’d gain
but that’s okay
because you’ve never fallen in love before.