just thought of a time
i could never forget
how innocent you were
when we first met

lack of human traits
were dismissed
in order to survive
i denied your existence

a future was planned
which i chose to ignore
until i realized
it wasn't just yours

just thought of a time
i'd like to forget
i once believed you were real
with no proof of concept

I wish you could understand how often I have these thoughts,
these wants of mine,
that I slowly tolerate and repress.
The joy of wanting to surprise you with a sudden hug,
or to lay my head against your shoulder.
But I am a mouse,
too afraid to come out from my hole,
too worried about how my heart will burst from my chest.
yet these thoughts remain.
Nagging at me,
wishing I could bring up my courage enough to.

I have no faith in myself.
I cannot believe that this is true.
I live in a dream,
and you are that dream.
I wish for someone to share these feelings and the dream responds.
How could you like someone like me?
How is it possible?
I'm not cute,
Not even pretty.
My personality is gloomy and shy,
I am the moon,
while you are the sun.
Such a bright and cheerful existence,
but the sun and moon can never see each other.
as the saying goes,
their as different as night and day.
How could you ever like someone like me?
It shouldn't be possible.
God forgot to create my special someone.
I am alone.
That's all I've ever been.
And then you came around.
All smiles and jokes,
a laugh that resounds throughout the room,
a melody on repeat.
Such a wonderful person should not be contrasted by one as gloomy as me.
I don't want to be a burden to you.
All these pieces of thoughts,
could only be called:
My Insecurities.

A blur.
That's the best name for a day like today.
Where it impedes on your vision,
as it does memory.
Where little is accomplished,
and yet so much needs to be done.
Where dizziness settles in,
and all you're doing is just existing.
Days like this are perfect for napping ...
until you can't anymore and are laying there ...
silently existing again,
With nothing but your thoughts to accompany you.
Your screaming thoughts that refuse to go away.
Not the sweet love driven ones,
capable of fixing any mountain of gloom,
but that created from worry and anxiety,
where everything seems muffled,
in a dark hue.
Where every worry and insecurity,
that usually creep in the corners of the mind,
come forth to haunt you.
If anything at all,
today was a blur.

Life is so fragile.
Even the act of silence can shatter it's very existence.

It wasn't me.
I didn't know her,
but I could have.

It makes me think-what if...

You were gone,
due to my ignorant self,
who hid your harm from the adults.

You were gone,
because I removed the glass,
that protected you from the 100 ft drop.

You were gone,
due to a simple night out,
that caused you to slip back to old habits.

You were gone,
because I wasn't there to help,
and talk you down from the edge.

You were gone,
due to my lack of knowledge,
and misunderstanding of the situation.

You were gone,
because of an accident,
that made you lose control.

What if you were gone

It could have been me picking up the phone,
giving a cheerful hello on the dreary day,
only to have my soul shatter, when the news was given.

It could have been me thinking of what I did wrong,
asking just to hear a voice, a whisper,
something acknowledging existence-Only to be given no answer.

Life is so fragile.
Why must we add to the cracks in the glass of another person's life?