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Jan 2017 · 316
Stranded birthday poem
Mybadbrainday Jan 2017
I wanted to write you something happy and silly today. Instead I don't know what to say...and knowing me, you know that's not really my way...

But may I say one tiny thing before the celebrations begin? It's not going to be epic or even pretty...but once you made my heart serenade. Now I'm a spectator looking in I'm afraid... I'm standing here outside your life with nothing to bring. I wanted to give you eternal friendship and love but there's no need for what you already have in plenty.

So my gift this year is nothing; it's empty.

I've wrapped it in moonlight and waves of the ocean, attached a card inked in golden dreams and magic, because those things you can never get enough of. So my gift this year is hollow and empty but maybe you'll save the wrappin paper in your heart? Nicely folded amongst memories of sunshine, moons and stars (even stolen cars.)

Maybe you'll open it once in awhile? Pick up my wrapper and remember the gift of nothing from a Swedish girl wishing infinite joy for the birthday boy? That was all I wanted to say…that… and Happy birthday!
When poems become lyrics and lyrics become nothing...
Sep 2016 · 350
Fairytale
Mybadbrainday Sep 2016
Once upon a time...
a beautiful being was born
Grew up to endless running
lived his life hopelessly torn
true love always shunning
With a soul of diamond dust
this creature was absolutely stunning
but never sure whom to trust

Everyone wanted a piece of the magic
To this storyteller it ended rather tragic…
Eternally in love with a fairytale
Threatened by reality our love was just too frail
And that's how this sad story ended
With broken hearts never mended

Once upon a time a beautiful being was born...

...in fact it was a Unicorn!
Note to self! Don't fall in love with unicorns,... or writers... or artists... or actually; just don't fall in love!
Aug 2016 · 424
Fade
Mybadbrainday Aug 2016
It will fade eventually...
It has to fade eventually!

Neuron paths used less frequent fade, right?
The road less traveled will become an overgrown stony, bumpy path instead of this autobahn in my mind, this highway of thoughts you have created.

I'm sure it will fade eventually...
I'm sure it HAS to fade eventually.
Letting go...maybe?
Jun 2016 · 685
One year today...
Mybadbrainday Jun 2016
It would have been one year today...
One year if I had made you stay

One year minus; twenty plus one day
That's when you took your love away
It would have been one year today...

It's not; and that makes my heart tear,
that we never made it one full year,

and you are no longer here...

We didn't make it the full year round
Still wishing you're safe and sound.
It would have been one year today…
one year if I could've made you stay
Jun 2016 · 357
Let me cry over you
Mybadbrainday Jun 2016
Let me cry alone over you
Alone, without an audience
Let me cry in solitude over you
Out loud and ugly.

Let me scream out loud over you
Whimper from the pain your silence cause me
Let me trash my world in agony from
your razor snakes twisting in my gut.

Let me be rage out loud over you
Furious, fuming and boiling
Implode without spectators witnessing
my misserable decay of character

Crumbling over a man they didn't know existed
The invisible man who set my world on fire with words only.

You finally vanished for real and left open wounds never to be patched or stitched with anything but silence.
Silence, because I'm not allowed mourning you, not allowed missing you.

Not allowed crying alone over you leaving without  a simple goodbye...



...Silence really is a ****** band aid.
Even when you're gone you inspire me...
Apr 2016 · 684
Life on the backburner
Mybadbrainday Apr 2016
We are firefighters you and I.
Fighting back a blind hot fire. 
You, because of our impossible situation and the Other.
Me, because of my impossible situation and your Other.
I'm trying to keep my fire low and starving, or only a faint glow even,
but a whiff of air is enough,
enough to set my whole existence on fire.
Lay homes in ashes if not drowned or extinguished.

I'm grateful...

you keep your fanning breath of air
a swift tickling breeze for my sake.
Keeping your flare out of my flammable hair

but God, I want to burn so badly
I want to flame high, white and hot.
Not allowed to do that though....sadly...

I want to explode in a firestorm.
Consume everything in my way.
not listen to what they'd say
Turn everything into sorrow and ashes.
Let my heated tongues of flame lick you,
until you too is burnt to pieces.
Burnt pieces of charcoals
that I'd keep  in my heated heart.

A charred smoking reminder
of how devastating this fire of our love is.
How ugly to all that is beautiful and true.
Once letting my fire burn free there is no taming it,
no pardon, no wit

So, thank you my love!

For not fanning this fire
with more than
your flammable existence
It is oxygen enough.
I've lost all resistance.

So, thank you my love!

For not doing it my way.
Not letting me lay
my world in ached ruins.

It doesn't seem fair,
but let me slowly suffocate,
Turn your love into hate
make me choke and gasp for air.
A faint flickering flame
Pitiful and tame
As my fireman, put it out while you still can...
Nah, this doesn't come out right, but still needs out...
Mar 2016 · 282
Old love?
Mybadbrainday Mar 2016
What could possibly be more pathetic
Than an old woman in love
The picture isn't very poetic
It's rather depressing and gray
There are rules of love old women should obey.
If you're wrinkled or broken you shouldn't have the nerve
to even try swinging that serve.
Because love is for the able and the young
speaking love as their first tongue.
It's not for women feeling the first touches of cold
In bodies getting old...
Yup, rather bitter and old feeling today...;)
Feb 2016 · 327
Truth?
Mybadbrainday Feb 2016
It doesn't really matter if "I love you",
if "You don't love you..."
Insight of today.
Feb 2016 · 288
Funny how you know...
Mybadbrainday Feb 2016
when you'll get your heart broken
by words not spoken.
Yet you persist,
–even insist

...on making one more try
before you let yourself cry

it was a beautiful ride
but here comes the tide,
that ocean of tears
confirming my biggest fears


waves of silence
drowning the violence
...of my heart broken
*by words not spoken...
Feb 2016 · 250
Longing (10w)
Mybadbrainday Feb 2016
Longing is my thirsty soul yearning for a desert mirage.
Jan 2016 · 497
I love you too!
Mybadbrainday Jan 2016
Not "I luff you"or "I lurv you", But the actual thing!
There it was; the word I dreaded and longed for...

Longed for so badly,
because I do love you madly.
The word, I'd never dare say
of fear you'd run away.
Dreaded because of its implications.
our lives lived in different nations.
Not that an ocean apart, is a match for a longing heart.

But let's face it!

You can't really love someone you never met in person.
At least not according to my older 1.0 version,
the one that had never met you.
The one that frowned  at “love" and laughed at "true”,
the one that'd never read somethings that rhymes,
not even in her darkest times.
But apparently this new 2.0 version
is a romantic person?!
One that shopping site of "Love",
apparently filled her cart
with a romantic fluffy heart.
When you realize your muse loves you. There has to be some silly rhymes. Sorry!
Jan 2016 · 347
Wish I knew how to write...
Mybadbrainday Jan 2016
...something happy to make you smile at first sight.
I'd write something cheerful, something glad.

If my happy wasn't so sad...

I'd write something happy to make us right.
Something joyful, even sappy.
Anything to make you happy!

If only my happy writing wasn't so bad...

I'd write you a laugh to make you stay. 
Would you? One more day?

Maybe a big grin,
or a faint smile however thin?

Can I make make you stay for a while, by writing you a smile?
My reflections on happy continues.

Corrections and suggestions are much appreciated since this is not my language (neither English nor poetry.)
Jan 2016 · 325
Happy writing?
Mybadbrainday Jan 2016
Wish my "Happy" wasn't so sad, or my "Nice" so bad...
Really wish I could write something happy someday!
Dec 2015 · 784
Djinn
Mybadbrainday Dec 2015
I'm a monster; a Djinn.
Feeding off your invigorating stories.
Licking words like kisses out of your mouth.
Tasting each single letter, like shades of wine.
******* out marrow of thoughts, till you sigh with relief.

Till you're moaning from the seated feeling of confession.
Handing your dreams over with a content smile,
keeping up the illusion for a while

Freely given thoughts for me to savour,
swallowed to marinate with my tainted ones.
Dreams for me to digest and ruminate.
Wisdom to infinitely chew on.

...oh, the addictive aroma of your words.

A supernatural parasite, I'm ******* you dry.
Feeding my hungry minds cry.

Our relationship is far from okay.
but I'll keep you sedated a little longer,
just until you realize;
I'm the monster and you're the prey.
Nov 2015 · 341
It's all in my mind...
Mybadbrainday Nov 2015
Never felt the heat of your skin under my trembling hands
Yet I've stroked your skin til you shiver

Never tasted your salt on my twirling tongue
Yet I've drunk sweat of your forehead

Never felt your eyelashes flutter against my lips
Yet I 've kissed your eyelids to sleep

Never heard your voice soothe my ears
Yet you've  sung to me beautifully

Never felt your hot breath on my neck
Yet I've brushed my lips over your cheek

Never seen the color of your bit swollen lips
Yet I 've traced them with my tongue

Never drawn a breath infused with your scent
Yet your aroma always surrounds me

Never tasted your soft kiss
Yet I've kissed you a thousand times

...in my mind.
Mybadbrainday Nov 2015
My heart hitch,
brain glitch.

Don't care if a word of it's true
It's a message from you!

You make me deliriously stupid
No doubt I'm struck by Cupid

What an evil angel baby
Oblivious to mayhem maybe?

all chubby sweet,
creator of lovesick heat

Making grown women mad
Literally "Breaking bad"

For the promise of a lie
Just one more before we die...

Yearning for that man of youth
Wishing words to be the truth

Longing, for a man never seen
Wanting something we've never been.

Only a mirage of my mind
Please, let me keep this rare find.

But, you don't do real life
and I'm someone's wife...
Nov 2015 · 321
Absent friends
Mybadbrainday Nov 2015
We're not really talking, I know...
but I'm here watching our favorite show.
Instead of making judging faces
you'd laugh in all the right places.
Can't help but missing you today
Wondering what you'd say?


                                                          ­        Hope you're well by the way...
Mybadbrainday Nov 2015
Dribble your words all over my body, sprinkle me with your writing. Smother me with your thoughts. Lather me up with scented syllables. Massage your lazy vowels into my skin. Wash me down with your beautiful language. Wrap your sentences around my wrists, hold me down with your paragraphs. Tickle me with with interpunktion. Scrub me with silent speech. When I'm all wet and rosy clean, dry me with the pages of your warm typing
Not really a poem, just longing...
Nov 2015 · 290
Speaking of Halloween...
Mybadbrainday Nov 2015
I dressed my sorrows in laughter and kisses,
hiding the inner bad
so hollow and sad,
dreaming of what I never had
Disguised dreams and wishes

Playing dress up
in my mind,
never really expecting kind

Hiding mountains of sorrow in plain sight.
Two wrongs in disguise

It doesn't make right,
but sadness in costume, it doesn't fight.

— The End —