i only exist; disheveled and hopelessly.
wasting away as i share my dwindling essence with you.

i can feel myself decomposing.

i meld into this sea of unwashed sheets & blankets; the closest thing i have to call home.

almost satisfied as i lie; drained and no longer overflowing with intoxicating essence.

and for the first time..
i knew it was truly over. for good.
the moment i could tell he had fallen in love & had his heart broken as he once did mine.

he finally felt the pain he once bestowed upon my once innocently, pure heart.. the pain i wish would spill from my wounds & encapsulate his very being. suffocating.

yet it brings me no comfort knowing he feels as i once did.

and now i sit here.. stewing in the same pain i felt years ago when i realized something had changed for the very first time. all over again.

and if you uttered in your most vulnerable space & time that eternity is how long i must wait
only blessed with the presence of you in my mind

eternity is how long i shall wait..

i may lye awake in wait of what might feel like an eternal state of desiderium  
but alas i will wait..

if to describe this ethereal feeling in the eyes of a spirit anew; elysian
i’d simply tell them my soul may never intertwine with another

in the same ways mine did with you.. <3

sometimes i ponder the thought that if i were to take my own life the sun would sure as hell still rise the next day

that if one day you woke up and i was no longer here
my existence would eventually become something you’d only acknowledge once a year

it hurts to force myself out of bed and stare at this hollowfied carcass of a body that i'm forced to roam

my soul is no longer here
it was ripped from the most sacred parts of me years ago

i don't think im meant to stay here for much longer
though i truly tried to find something to cling to
being forced to live in such agony is wrong

the whole point of my existence here on this plane is what follows after im long gone

i feel myself slipping in and out of reality
reminiscing on the memories that once brought me so much joy

now causing me the most pain

i want to punch a hole in my wall

my fingertips cast my very own demise
i leave behind reminders
messages from yours truly
"i'll never love you..."