Toni - Anne Heslop - Hello Poetry

Toni - Anne Heslop Dec 5

Death

Shattered glass litters the ground,
Crumpled metal all around.
A ****** that won't stop blaring,
Sirens and shouts make a cacophony of sound.

I walk the grass strip between two roads,
Sorrounded by death and destruction.
I know it's loud but my mind can't process,
I'm stuck in a movie that has been put on mute.

The paramedics pull your body from your totaled car,
I cannot pull my eyes from the wounds that will never heal or scar.
The world moves in doubled speed but I can't keep up,
Like using a bycicle to follow a speeding truck.

I squeeze my eyes shut to keep the officials at bay,
Maybe if I can't see them, they'll go away.
I can't stand to be told what I already intuited,
I'm not ready to face a world without you in it.

If wishes were leaves then mine would have come true,
I'd still live in a world where there's a living you.
But wishes aren't leaves or raindrops or coins,
And miracles are stories made up by grieving little girls.

R. E. M Heslop 💔

#death #grief #childhoodloss #chaos

Toni - Anne Heslop Dec 5

Words and Blame

Your words bounce around my skull in the silence of night.
Headphones, music, full volume just to try to drown them out.
Even when it's so loud that my brain pulses to the rhythm of the bass, your words linger; plague.
Platitudes and half excuses for the things you didn't do.
Always trying to shift the blame that you placed on you.
I have no need to place blame, I forgave your failings, like any who loves another would do.
I listened to the words that poured from your mouth, as you spewed hatred for the love of my life.
For years I spoke kindly and made allowances for trauma that triggered my own, yet you could never see that I was right there; standing in your corner.
Years and still you haven't learned; Self-blame can't be shifted and doesn't go away...
Until you figure out why you hate yourself and see that loving is the better way.

Honestly not sure if this is actually finished.

#trauma #triggers #love #selfblame #selfhated

Toni - Anne Heslop Sep 2023

Different yet the same.

I wonder...
If I stand before a mirror and gaze upon my refection, will I look different?
When those who know me, see me, do they see the change?
I feel different.
Not like I am changed, I am the same me I have always been. Yet somehow, I'm not...
I feel changed.
Not like I am different to how I always am. Yet somehow, I am.

It feels like somethings shifted, moved from where it was to where it should be.
Almost like a puzzle piece that has clipped into place.
It feels like I've been waiting for something and it's finally arrived.
Anticipation that's reached its peak.
I feel the way a summer breeze looks when it skims across a clear blue lake.
I feel the way snow smells when it's freshly fallen on frozen ground or the way that first bite of fresh fruit tastes.

I feel like I'm meeting myself for the first time while meeting you.
Getting to know you is like learning to know me all over again.
It is pure calm in the most exhilarating way that even my trusty words fail to explain.

— The End —