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I feel like a star,
Painted in the colour of the moon.
Teach me how to love,
That I may rip my heart for you.

The keys to her heart,
Is in his belly.
He swallowed it.

At night I can’t help but to twist & turn in my bed.
Nights I feel so distant and cold
Nights the wind chimes all the fairytales you’ve ever told.
I don’t know if it’s due
To the negligence I took to forget you,
But now I wish I knew how to.
You still appear in my dreams from out of the blue
We make happy memories here that feel so new.

But I know better than that this time
I know that nothing I did differently would ever make you fully mine.
I have someone in my life now and it makes me feel so guilty
I plan to get as far away as I can from this city.
Where memories fade and they can’t reside
I long to not feel this way inside.
 Sep 2020 Lavender
Amber Earrings
 Sep 2020 Lavender
Today, for the first time, I looked at my mother. Really looked at her. I've been watching her for years. I know her habits, the way her face slackens when she's mad. I watch the way she is in the world and I know who she is, what she feels like, how she smells; but until today, I couldn't have told you what she looks like. She is beautiful. Breathtaking. It's Christmas and the house is warm, glowing, smells like food. We had company and she was flitting about, kitchen to couch, apron wrapped around her fancy dress. No stockings or shoes. She was waving her arms, twiddling her fingers around her wineglass, rubbing her feet together, always in motion. Her face slid so easily into a smile, creases outlining her happiness. Strong features: a big nose, defined chin, high cheekbones, easily visible because of her short hair. My mother is not a small woman, nor is she big, but she stands tall with broad shoulders, mine now the same, and her presence is colossal. I could see the 20 some year old that my father fell madly in love with. Gorgeous. Strong. But at the same time, so soft. Every part of her nurtures. I sat in awe, stunned that I had not noticed that she was once so much more than Mom. Still is.
Just.. wow
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