The darkness,
seething darkness,
has returned.

I have done more
than simply fall in,
let myself drown.

I have gathered it up,
and worn it as a cloak.
The pain is my protection.

What can you say
to break through
my fog and stormclouds?

But.

I know you are, but.

But what? Is this so
inconceivable?
So inconvenient?

We don't control these things,
not forever.
Perhaps when we're young
and scared,

So when we finally settle in,
into our own skins,
everyone has
something to say.

"But this isn't who
you used to be;
this isn't who I know-"

Well, I'm more myself
than ever before,
and I refuse to fall
into your perfect view.

I feel safe
just out of focus,
and there is where I'll stay.

Let me be honest,

My heart is rolling
in my stomach,
and I can't tell
if it's fear or joy.

You surely make me
smile,
and I'm not sure what it means.

My words have collected dust.

Somewhere,
the time was lost,
or perhaps
simply the motivation.

When did this dream fade so fast?

Where did I lose the pen,
spill the ink?

I’m grasping for the tail end
of even a single word,
and here it is:

Return.

I think I’m lost,
I’ve gone too far

I pushed myself
so far below
I can’t see the stars

Only him,
I stare straight at him,
And that’s not
the right thing to do.

I need to swim up
on my own,
I need to save
my only home

We cannot drag
each other down,
and we can’t let
the other drown

I have to find
the strength somewhere
so I can make
the right repairs.

I yearn for the days
when I could pull poetry
from my brain
like a string of pearls,
shimmering opal,
so beautiful to all.

Where    have    my    pearls    gone?

Even as I’m moving
forward,
I still feel
stuck
In the same thoughts,
the same mistakes,
the same
inevitable
pit.