not like a head freshly shaven / nor a pitcher passed ‘round a full table / not a dieting triumph / a man relieved, or well rested / the dawn as it breaks
but the post food-poisoning pangs / tunnel vision in the heat / my womb when the moon is new / my arms when the body is gone and buried / my boughs when my leaves have fallen / the way that I feel weightless, legs barely kicking / just before I drown.
“lighter,” I say, “just lighter.”

remove thy blackened fingertips;
Mother of Haze I rebuke thee.
groping through the fog,
thy flushed hands outstretched,
bearing thou gums and the whites
of thine eyes. stumble no longer,
I entreat thee to caress thyself;
remember, thou art found.

my clenched, barnacle-encrusted teeth / are bared into the humidity of the sheets where my fever broke / another barrier hiding my hair-width lips pressed white together / that your salt-worn, sun-leather fingertips pry at / hoping to expose spit-slick glistening / and flayed, flexuous pink flesh / and the pearl buried within it
unuttered layers are peeled apart by your callous tongue casting about / that defies the no my slender neck thrashes / the struggle before the shore breaks wave / before the clamshell is wedged to halves / before my lie is exposed / sand

stay awake with me tonight
we're under the same sky, you know
you don't care though
let the moon watch, you say
you've never minded midnight eyes
I hate the feeling though
don't touch me, I cry
the soft light stings
stroking my skin
I grow tired of
midnight lies
so go to sleep then,
I'll travel on my own.
I walk along the edge of the world
but I'll always end up back where I began,
wishing for your warm body to wrap around mine,
alone under the covers where I hide from the moon

clay animated by the mercies of God
the tendrils of life woven finely by grace
led by the staff and punished by the rod
one last mercy we receive: to leave this place

though you are the sun
bright and full of energy
you do not scorch me
with your fiery gaze

instead i stand silently
beneath you in serenity
while you warm my lips up softly
as i face your light and bloom

i breathe you in
i cough you up
your smoke is in my lungs
nicotine
you poison me
i cannot get enough

there is nothing i want more
than for your flames to pull me in
there is nothing i want more
than to dive in for a swim

there is nothing i want more
than to be that for which you yearn
there is nothing i want more
than to see the forest burn

beautiful
like the winter air
beautiful
like an autumn day
beautiful because
you don't care
so beautiful,
want it anyway

fingertips pressing
into the flame
feeding it
my flesh and soul
its my fault
i love the pain
melt me down to
make me whole

beautiful
like a summers past
beautiful
like a bright spring day
beautiful
but we won't last
so beautiful
want you anyway

less than is useful
but more than i should
how i wish that i could,
how i wish that i could

spy the midnight scowl
through the fools golden leaves
hear the dark moon's howl
as the fireflies grieve
and together we'll float
in a boat
down the stream,
and i'll do what i please
yes, i'll do what i please

less than is useful
but more than we should
how i wish that we could
how i wish that we could

let it never be said
that to love proves you're good
but i think that we should
yes, i think that we should

tired spiders
weaving their webs by rote
each hallow husk in its sunday best
attached to the cobwebs that
cover the pews of the decaying chapel
they spin and spin and spin and spin
and end up back where they begin
round and round
they wrap themselves,
encased in smooth
and shiny silk
present themselves
so god may feast
not god above,
but god below,
the Lord of the Flies

my palpitant longing
it too needs air
in and out,
surging forwards,
always forwards

but every wave
will again recede
the strongest tsunami
must also breathe

where the sky meets the sea
that's where you'll find me,
a reflection in the blue

floating on the surface
too light to break the tension
just want the attention
of those

Eyes
your eyes are like the ocean
I'm drowning in emotion
when I look at you, I'm frozen
cause I'm caught in those

Eyes
******* by your stare
doesn't matter, you don't care,
I'm content to share
just to be next to
your eyes

thin mountains frame the sea
your lashes are the trees
flutter in my breath
because you stepped
closer

too weak to say stay
but please don't go away
let me slip beneath your waves
draw me near,
closer

thin skin separates us
every blink stopping our fusion
distracting me from the illusion
that I live in your

Eyes
your eyes are like the ocean
I'm drowning in emotion,
when I look at you, I'm frozen
cause I'm caught in those

Eyes
******* in your stare
doesn't matter, you don't care,
discontent but still I'll share
just to be next to
your eyes

your eyes
your eyes
stare into my soul, I'm
never letting go, I
leap off the boat and
into uncertainty

one thing I know for sure
is you'll send me back to shore
according to lore
I'm not what you've been looking for
so I'm locked out of those

Eyes
your eyes are like the ocean
but this time they're frozen
can't chip away the ice
far enough to go deeper

and when she comes
she'll melt away the cold
but I'll still be on shore
not allowed to swim deeper
into those

Eyes
eyes like the ocean
what an unforgiving blue
they don't belong to me, but
boy, I belong to
you

wew ere lookin g for a place to buryher. Just For a f ew days,long enoug f oar her soulto do some goOd, t o help in the cruusades. t hen we'''d d ig her bo dy u6p and callher soull back She was n infnt aft er all,,justd borns sp it shouuld be fine.Boodok ws a g iant ma nman golem man.as bi large as one of te piles of hoy bales -in feild nd wit wingspon twice th at whin stettched oiut he flies flew to help help h elp the chirdren

oh, you know it's a truth, my dear,
that we're preciously mindful of what comes out

but more important to mind what's in,
for a mouth is just the kettle's spout

so things with which
you stuff your head
they splash around
and out they pour

but if you're careful
what goes in
you won't need to mind
what comes out anymore

if an uncle or aunt
love their niece,
they really should
get one a piece

but if they find
they have to share,
they cut her in half,
fair is fair

Eyes.
my eyes.

windows to the soul, they said
bleary and tired
no longer
have I any desire
to reside in myself.

home.
a warm, comforting place.
home is yourself
home is suffocating

stifled by the walls of my own uncertainty
unable to look beyond myself to
discover the sky of possibilities 
the endless void of potential

chained to my own breath.
suffocated by the sound of my own heart beating

what more can you do to me?
I cannot escape myself,
cannot leave home behind. 

I am locked up
trapped 
looking out through steadily blinking eyes
even with the clearest mirror, I would not see myself,
only the shadow of what I now am
behind me, in me, 
a home I cannot escape.

fleet footed I run
a terror around me
home follows, 
a shadow rises up

the dawn is coming
the light will come
where are the stars?
where is the moon that I counted on to guide me?
the whole sky is black
blocked out by my own reflection 
the shadow that rises

into the arms of my own dark reflection,
it embraces me,
suffocates me, 
binds me with my own desires
plays for me a pretty music
The sound of my heart
and shackled by my own consciousness
all I can do is listen

stuck here again
boxed in by my own heightened state of being
a spiral of existence 

home.
my home.

tears touch every part of you
salty sadness spilling over
those red-rimmed eyes
that love to stare

what do they see, dearest,
what do they see?

nothing but a horizonless sky;
the tears he's yet to cry

seagull without a fry

do you wonder
what it's like
to be her?

she knows no darkness;
everything she touches shines,
glimmering silver
like reflected tears

the mountains
bowing gently at the waist
they pay their respects
to the goddess of light
as do we all, indeed,
as do we all

Food is for the hungry
but I'm hallow inside
You cannot feed
those who will not eat,
but I promise you I've tried

A scale is for the heavy
and I'm gluttonous within
I shed the weight
by scraping the plate
into the garbage bin

The hunger pains are sweet,
I'm unsteady on my feet
but the voice is on repeat
as I waste away, waste away

Food is for the weak,
see the havoc it can wreak,
blurry eyes begin to leak
as I waste away, waste away

Pearls to swine! she cried,
Pearls to swine!
I adorn myself with riches given freely
As I roll in the mud for my own inadequacy

She took away my independence,
Her lips as red as the blood I cry
Stealing my spirit through jagged lines
I live to give my life away

More and more I tear at flesh,
She pries me open and has her fill,
More and more she drinks until
I've eaten my own soul away

Sitting on the bathroom floor
Red raindrops falling all around me
I hate to admit that's where you found me,
My own umbrella the thing that drowned me

Tearing myself open
My arm cries when my eyes cannot,
Sorry mom, but I cannot stop
I love you too much
to hurt you instead

Your lines were white,
but mine are red,
my arms cried as
your eyes bled

Disconnected, nothing to ground me;
the crashing waves of the waterless sea
side to side for here I weigh nothing
beautifully untethered from gravity

I stare into her lovely face,
the moon who's long looked after me

Mother, sister, lover, friend
And yet she belongs to the sea

She daintily sits upon his lap;
her liquid groom who loves her so

She will not leave him though I plead,
How I wish that I could show:

I'd never slap her pale form
as he does with his careless waves

I'd never leave her so forlorn
As he does with his escapades

He carries yars from shore to shore
But I've arms only for the one

And though she may not shine as bright
I'd ne'er compare her to the sun!

Yet every night she still returns
into his embrace, not mine

And days go on, but still I yearn
for her sweet, forbidden shine

Forget me not,
my swallowtail,
as you fly through
the pasty clouds

soaring on wings
that will not fail,
past the grieving
sunlight's shrouds

As Apollo,
whom you hail,
drags away our
golden star

Through the darkness
you will sail
back to my arms
from afar

Fingers in hair
Tousled softly, though,
I know you mind if it doesn't
hurt a little
it's just how we are

You laugh and
Laugh and
Laugh and
Laugh and

the feeling of you;
it never ends
im glad

The night is fuzzy
from the haze of the soft lights
street lights
porch lights
I linger, swathed in slumber

The shadows have teeth
deep set, many searching eyes
red eyes
mad eyes
I linger, swathed in slumber

The world is barren
all others dead to the night
they sleep
we sleep
I linger, swathed in slumber

No one can save me
I cannot wake up from this
Frightmare
Not-right-mare
Someone-turn-on-the-light-mare
The-shadows-start-to-bite-mare!
I linger, swathed in slumber

The shadows move in
the lights won't work—nothing works!
I can't
Wake up!
I linger, swathed in terror

The downy plumes
Surround his eyes
His twisted mouth
A tired disguise
The cotton shell he
Held so close
To hide the sheep
That cried inside

Sticky memories
Keep him trapped
Gooey fleece
Is gently wrapped
Fingers outstretched
Tenderly
Until their tears had
Overlapped

Being with you
is like playing
peek-a-boo

And I still won't
even peek
through my fingers

You're so
Friendly with me
but you still haven't
seen
me

I'm frail inside
like a bird's
hollow bones

I'm like a snail
that won't
leave it's shell

And you're so
Welcoming
But I still won't
Let you see
me

Because I'm hurting
Because I know you'll
Punish me for
Feeling how I feel
   I know it's strange
Dunno what's real
   Can't even change
Can't seem to peel
Off
These
Layers
And that's why

Being with you
Is like playing
Peek-a-boo

And I'm
afraid of what I'll see
Through my fingers

You're so
Kind to me
but will you still be
if you see me?

Because I'm afraid
Because you might
punish me
for feelin how I feel
   I know its strange
Dunno what's real
   So hard to change
I just can't peel
Off
My
Layers
and that's why

I'm still playin this game

The rising sun has just begun
Tainted by memories of the setting one

The day is fresh but to start anew
would be to forget, momentarily, you

That would be bliss, to not think of your face
For me to say that, some think a disgrace,

But it's not that I hate you, in fact I adore
The way I beat you yet you crawl back for more

As I bob in the waves,
it feels safe like your arms.
Just the way that it's s'posed to

It is cold, but it's warm
your tears hidden by charm.
Just the way that I'm used to

Ocean flows around me,
frayed at the seams
Just like your hands
covered in gasoline

Smiles covered by
****** hair
But you don't
seem to care

for my mother
though she loves you so



As I bob in the waves
it feels cold like your arms
Just the way I've grown used to

I see your face, and I smile
small cuts stinging my arm
As I remember why I love you

Tears fall around me
frayed at the seams
As I remember your pain
All your broken dreams

Sobs muffled by
****** hair
You cry 'bout those
who didn't
seem to care

for a young boy
who never learned to grow

and my mother
who loved you so!

As I slip beneath the waves
My lips too blue to cry
To the moon for my father

My last memory of him
slips and becomes untied
floats away into the water

Face covered by
frost bitten tears
too cold to remember
my hopes and fears

We're all broken people
we all slip away
crumpled under water
is where we'll stay

Like my mother,
I still love you so
but must
go

The beautiful songbird croaks
It's voice hoarse and rusty
Not from lack of use
But from lack of hearts to sway
The songbird croaks anyway

The beautiful songbird croaks
I tire of listening,
And reach for its throat...
It's pretty eyes twinkle up at me
The songbird croaks continually

The beautiful songbird croaks
It's kept in a cage,
hasn't tried to escape
I watch it without listening;
Only then does the songbird sing

Pressing cold beak
To fishes gills,
My heart beats through
The fins and frills,
The world askew,
The siren stills

The beautiful songbird dines
Carnivorous feathers
Peck at scales and skin
The beauty forever enjoying the taste
The songbirds song, misplaced

The beautiful songbird croaks
I won't hear again,
The soft wheezing cry
One last time embraced by him
The songbird croaks goodbye

The slit eyes widen
On the turtle that fell
For the gentle eyes of
A wolf in a shell

A dark liquid drips
Down the fleece of a sheep
Who knew a wolf could
So tenderly weep ?

Chicken scratch
scrawled across my arm
Lanced into skin
Laced upon flesh,
Written in blood,
The story

Hidden beneath the cover of light
Undersaturated camera lenses
Erase scars and cover blemishes,
Cover the blood on my hands

The scars engraved on my left hand
Placed there carefully by my right hand
Lies only go so far,
I carve the truth on my bones

Dancing fingers
Across the duvet
Crippled but still the
Piano they play

Trembling fingers
Rubbing in lotion
Onto dried skin
Chapped by the ocean

Where oh where have my
Finger gone?
Where! Oh where! Have my
Fingers gone?
Scarred fingers give way
To scarred little stumps,
Worn down to the bone
And past it still

Grinding wheel
Spun too far
The world stole my fingers
The world stole my heart

Reckless thoughts pour over paper
Memories thicken, swell and taper
Each stroke left unreconciled
Pure white sheets with ink defiled

it'll pass, it'll pass, it'll pass
It was more a prayer than anything
Lying, canopied by the willow tree
Whose tendrils bind and cover me

I am unruly and wild;
I peered behind closed curtains
To catch a glimpse of the sky

Climbing from limb to limb
Limp and lifeless: the bark beneath me
My arms wrestle with the branches
But my mind wrestles with the sky

I will stay here until I die