When you trail your fingers down my soft pale skin and the goosebumps rise to the surface of my skin, eager for more,
I love you.

When my fingertips trace the veins trailing through your skin and over the muscles of your body,
I love you.

When your strong hands cup my breast and your soft lips kiss my neck,
I love you.

When our lips part to make way for our tongues to intertwine with each other,
I love you.

When I feel you inside of me and my breath quickens to match my racing heartbeat,
I love you.

When we lay next to each other, our skin touching,
I love you.

When you whisper in my ear that you love me,
I love you too.

The blade floated across my skin.
Before I realized what I had done.
The blood trickles out.
And I feel alive.

The blade moves swiftly
Again and again.
Until my skin is sore and red.
The pain is real.

I set the blade down.
What have I done?
I stare at the injury
Until only the scars remain.

There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
My thoughts roam endlessly in the void spaces.
I cannot control myself.
The only way to end these thoughts is to grab a blade.

There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
I try to get away from the dark thoughts.
I lay down my head after taking some pills.
I hope to forget, but find my mind clouded by nightmares.

There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
I try to hide my feelings so well.
But I know you can see the sadness in my eyes.
And you hold me close and wipe my tears.

There is a dark place in my mind that I often find myself.
At times I feel suffocated by my thoughts and actions.
But when you hold me and tell me you love me,
Everything seems just a little lighter.

She stood on the train tracks and smiled for the camera.
Her mother had wanted portraits done of her.
A breeze blew and the camera clicked as she brushed the hair out of her face.
Suddenly a horn blared.
The train was coming rapidly down the tracks.
"Come over here. Come off the tracks." he mother called.
The photographer moved swiftly, collecting her few items.
She stood still on the tracks watching the train.
"Hurry! Get off the tracks!" her mother called again.
She closed her eyes and held her arms out like wings.
"What are you doing? Get off the tracks!"
I want to die. she thought.
The horns were blaring and the engine was chugging.
A sudden impact to her chest and a hard landing.
"I want to die! Just let me die!" she screamed when she realized she was in her mother's arms.
The train was speeding past them.
The girl closed her eyes tightly as she sobbed and wailed.

"Good. I think we're done here." said the photographer.
The girl opened her eyes. She was standing on the tracks. Her mother was on the side.
They smiled at each other and moved to the next location.

I'm tired, but not physically exhausted.
My heart is racing, but I've done no physical exertion.
My stomach is in knots, but I am starving.

I want to leave my house, but I'm confined to my bed.
I want to take a shower, but I'd rather stay in filth.
I want to take my pills, but I see no point.

My thoughts are swimming, but I can't concentrate.
My eyes are filling with tears, but I don't wipe them away.
My skin feels flushed, but I'm burning up all over.

I didn't ask for any of this.
I don't know when it will overtake me.
I won't give into it.

I want to partake in life, but I just can't.


Please understand, even though I know you can't.

Daddy, can you love me?
You are yelling so loud.
Daddy, am i still your little Honeybee?
I'm sorry I can't make you proud.

I will work and forever try,
to hide the bruises and the scars.
Even though I'm strong, I still cry.
sometimes I wish you would join the stars.

I wish I was perfect
so you would not cause harm
so you would not destroy my respect
by hitting me with your arm.

Even though it was years ago,
the memories have not gone away.
You cannot possibly know
the pain that is here to stay.

I think my head is about to explode.
My nose is all stuffed up.
I think I will switch on my lazy mode.
I'll get someone to pour hot tea in my cup.
I keep blowing my nose.
But that doesn't help one bit.
I feel like I'm clogged up from my head to my toes.
I can't stand, so I'll sit.
I want to spend the day watching movies and sleeping.
It's hard to concentrate on anything.
But now my alarm is beeping.
I must be off to work. Dang.

Remember when we first met.
I wish you could never forget.
Remember when we shared our first kiss.
It is something that I dearly miss.
Remember when I cried.
Your arms felt safe and I could hide.
Remember when you loved me.
Lately, it is hard to see.
Remember all that we shared.
You used to show you cared.
Remember when you broke my heart.
And now I've fallen apart.

Call out my name and I will follow.
Grab my hand and let's travel to a world far beyond this world we know.
Make me reach things that seem unattainable.
Make me see things I have never visualized.
I want to do all these things.
I want to do them only with you.
With you I can reach beyond the sky.
Let's make this a journey that will last forever.
Just you and I.
Fly beyond the moon, the sun, and the stars.
Fly me beyond the solar system and into a heaven only made for the two of us.

Today I sat down and cried.
It was time to face the truth that I couldn't deny.
The tears streamed down my face.
My heart was longing for you.
You caused me so much pain, but I want you to hold me.
I remember when you said you loved me.
I wish I could turn back time.
You broke my heart.
And here I sit, alone.

I'm broken.
You have my heart.
I have given you everything.
You gave me love, but left me the pain.
I have nothing left.
I wish you well.

Here I am crying
But I'll never let you see
The pain I am in.

I am trying my hardest.
Is it not good enough for you?
I am weak, but I am standing on my own.
Please, just let me be.
Believe me when I say this.
This isn't about you.
Just let me get well.
I am tired.
Just let me sleep.

So this is love.
This feeling of euphoria that can't be explained.
I think of you all day.
I can't shake this feeling that we are meant to be.
I love you like nothing and no one else.

So this is love.
Skin touching skin.
Under the covers and in each others arms.
Everything feels so right.
I want to be with you forever.

So this is love.
As we grow old together.
Your smile brightens my days.
Your kisses warm my soul.
I want to always be by your side.

My mind is open,
But my my heart is closed.
I want to love you
The way you love me.
But my heart belongs with him.

why is love such a complicated thing?
why must we be confined in whom we love?
why must our time with loved ones be restricted?

I want to love whomever I want.
I want a love that I can give freely to all.
I want to spend an eternity with those that I love.

I want everything I can't have.
This world restricts me from gaining these things that I want and need.
I want to love, and be loved in return.

I don't want to break hearts or fear my own heart being broken.
I don't want to ache for what could have been, but instead seize the opportunity and never let go.
I don't want to fear losing the ones I love to another.

The dew on grass
Stars in the night sky.
Your arms wrapped around me.
There is nowhere else I would rather be.

Last night I dreamt of you.
It was a dream that I desperately wish to be true.
You loved me again.
The sweetest sin.
Suddenly, I awoke.
And again, my heart broke.

Every kiss we ever shared
Will be locked in my memory.
Every time our skin touched
Will be etched into my mind.
For I will forever love you
And I hope you will feel the same.
We have faced the harsh world together
And we have emerged stronger than ever.
The way you hold me close when I am weak
Gives me strength to rise again.
I cannot forget you.
Not now.
Not after all we have been through.
For you are mine
And I am always yours.

My home is far away from where it used to be.
The place I had grown accustomed to is no longer.
I now say "I" instead of "we".
But because of this, I have become much stronger.

I have shed many tears at night.
I have cried away all my doubts.
Please believe me when I say things will be alright.
If you don't believe me, hear my shouts.

I have a new home now.
And in this home come new temptations.
There are things that I will not allow.
Although I will feel new sensations.

You will always have a piece of my heart.
And I will also hold a piece of yours.
And even though we must part,
I pray we don't close off all out doors.

I spend most of my time memorizing the features of your face.

I love the way your hair falls slightly into your eyes.

I love when you smile with your  slightly crooked front teeth.

My heart beats a little faster when your brown eyes meet my green eyes.

I often wonder what goes on in your mind.

But I am not yours.

And I can never be.

I'm sorry.
I've let you down.
I've torn myself away from you.

I'm not myself.
Things are overwhelming.
I'm scared of myself.

I don't want you to see me like this.
Even when you are close to me,
I feel incredibly alone.

I can't be with you.
I must learn to love myself
the way you love me.

I won't be able to love you until then.
Please take care.
And know I love you.

The tears fall from my eyes when I see your face.
The tears fall from my eyes when I hear your name.

My stomach twists in knots.
My memories replay over and over.

I want it all to go away.
I want you to disappear.

The pain you put me through is still very real.
The pain you put me through is evident from my scars.

I've tried to erase you from my thoughts a thousand times.
I've tried to forget you face even more.

No matter how hard I try, you keep coming back.
No matter how hard I try, you will always be a part of me.

And I hate you for that.

For you I cry.
For you I bleed.
For you I scream
My wants and needs.

Each day I strain
To see your face,
But I only feel pain
And a loss of hope.

For you I smile.
For you I cry.
For you I sing
An unchained melody.

Here I stand.
And here I wait
In hopes if seeing
Your face tonight.

I came across your old notes today.
They brought back so many feelings.
You used to love me,
But now that is gone.

I read over the lines
Time and Time again.
The more I read,
The sicker my stomach became.

I'm not sure if it's because I miss you
Or if I hate you.
My feelings are confusing and jumbled.
I can't stand this pain.

Was it because of the scars n my arms?
Was it because I clung to you so desperately?
You were the only one who loved me
When no one else cared.

My memories of you are bittersweet.
I often wonder what would happen
If you ever wanted me back
Even though I have found someone else.

Sometimes I think you miss me.
Other times, you seem just fine.
You deserve happiness as well.
Even if it brings me pain.

And so I will wish you well.
I hope you find love again.
I hope you won't hurt her
like you have hurt me.

My tongue is tied
Because you've lied.
My heart is broken
And you take it as a token.
Your words slice through me
And now it's hard to be.
I often cry at night
I can't hardly fight
The pain you left in my heart
I am falling apart.
Even though you've hurt me like this,
I can't seem to dismiss
That I still love you
And hope that you love me too.

The words we spit bitterly at one another echo in my empty mind.
My feelings are numb.
I want to love you, but the pain is too strong.
You don't understand.
I'm hurt because of your words.
Your words and actions tear me apart.
They tear us apart.
This is not what I wanted.
I fear that we are close to the end.
I'm tired of the struggle between us.
With bitter words, we may part ways.
If only you would understand.

I miss your kisses on my forehead.
My bed feels empty without you.
I remember everything you said.
I remember all the things you said we would do.

But now you have left me here.
I cry every night.
I only wish you could be near.
With you gone, nothing is right.

I may be broken now,
But you, I could never betray
And so I'll take my final bow.
But know that I still love you as I walk away.

In my dreams, I feel free. I can be happy. Genuinely happy. And when I am awoken back to reality, my world becomes heavy and I want to go back to my dreams. Fantasy is my friend. Reality is my enemy. How can I get better if I don't want to leave my dreams? Sleep is my drug. It is my addiction. It cannot be escaped. When night arrives, my bed beckons to me. It offers me a safe and warm place to lay down my head. My dreams swirl about me and reality fades away. Once again, I am intoxicated by fantasy. At last, I am free.

I dreamed about you last night.
I dreamed that you and I were dancing on the stars.
You spun me around and you felt so strong.
I wish that I could see you again.
Just one last time.
I wish I could sleep forever.
I wish I could always dream of you.
I want to hold you in my arms like I used to do.
But most of all, I love you.

Tonight, I will go to sleep with your picture in my hand.
I will always remember my last promise to you.
I will always be your big sister and I will do my best to always make you proud of me.

I am angry.
You know this.
I cry myself to sleep every night.
You know this.
I find it hard to find happiness.
You know this.
I only smile when I'm with you.
You know this.
I miss kissing your lips.
You know this.
I am frustrated with myself.
You know this.
I am only human.
You don't seem to care about this

I think I will be okay.
I can make it through the day.
I leave my heart with you
Because my feelings are true.
For you, I wait.
You are the one I love and hate.
I refuse to focus on the past.
And concentrate on a future to last.
Here I sit and pray,
Hoping that we will be okay.

In this world
We are told how to act.
We are told how to speak.
We are told how to look.

In this world
We are told what is acceptable.
We are told what to wear.
We are told what to eat.

In this world
Everyone seems miserable.
Everyone seems lonely.
Everyone seems poor.

In my world
We are told how to think for ourselves.
We are told what we have always wanted to hear.
Everyone seems wanted.

We used to be so close.
We would stay up late telling stories about life.
We shared everything with each other.
We were like sisters.

You were there for me when I thought no one cared.
You offered me a safe place to heal after I lost everything.
You inspired me to be happy with who I am.
You taught me not to care what the world thought of me.

But then I went and did something I shouldn't have.
I didn't realize it then, but now I know.
I took away your first love.
I never realized how much pain I had caused you.

Now we are like strangers.
We haven't spoken in months.
Sometimes I wonder if you would still want my friendship.
I often wonder if you will ever forgive me.

There are times when I feel like I hate you.
There are times that I think you are absolutely beautiful.
There are many times I wish we were still there for each other.
But we have gone separate ways.

And I don't know if things can ever be the same.

I was walking downtown and I thought I saw your face.
But when I turned to look back, you were nowhere to be seen.
And I cried.

I don't know how many years I have cried in my lifetime, but I know that they will never stop flowing for you.