Its like I can't get your face
out of my head
its like you haunt me ,
it haunts me
how you violated me
in your bed
naked
without ever caring
to listen to my no's!!

While having to go about  the next day,
like nothing else happened
that it had occurred yet again,
although this time
it had left its mark on my  face
that I am still battling all  these months later.

A reminder to myself
to not trust easily anymore!
To NEVER  Allow  Any "MAN" to ever disgrace me again,
to never allow anyone to ever take advantage of me,
and my kindness again!
To never allow myself to hookup with someone again!
To never ever doubt myself
And to always listen to myself!

So as I see your face in my mind
I curse at you,
and all of the pain that you have given me,
and all of its sorrow.

because it hurts so so deeply
and the fear carasses  at my bones

I find my healing
through crying
whaling
sobbing
shouting angry curses
allowing myself to be angry
and rageful at the people
who tortured me
and for so long
I could never feel a **** utter thing.
I could barely ever cry
I would sheild myself from them
now I'm learning to welcome them.

My whole life I supressed my anger
towards people
and instead I tried to please
now I am working on healing this chaoutic pattern
and realizing facing
and befriending the anger instead.

I feel it inside of me
like a blazing hot sword
ready to ****
whoever dares to haunt me or  hurt me.

yesterday
I was walking home
as a man started to follow me and cat call
me,
just like my father and all  of the other  men in my family
\who don't respect or like women.
as well as  most of the men I have met in my life
that I hate with all of the bones in my body.

The past me would've held my body in fear ,
and would've tried to shrink myself down ,
make myself invisible to the wandering eyes.
and rushed along all of  this time .

Instead I held my keys outwards,
and stared back with anger and defiance
as he continued to follow me.

I started to  yell out curse words  and allowed him to pass,
Something as small as that
shows the power of the feminine
when she starts to fight back
against her predators.

My one hope is that I heal
that I meet people
that show me that
there are good people left in the world
because its not just the men that have done me wrong
its the women too
in ways that are just as painful
they sting and burn so harshly inside.

I wanna be known as,
or perhaps i am known for it already
as the girl who changed so much
for the better
that no one recognized her
not for her looks
or for her persona
because she changed
because she finally healed
and found her true self
that was buried deep down
beyond her fiscod
of pain
I will hope
that I become the person
that will make my inner child
feel the most loved in the world
I hope that I can be
the one I have always wanted my mother and father to be
for me
I hope I represent how to be a good masculine energy
and how to be a good healthy feminine energy
I hope that I learn how to create a life that I love fully
I hope
that my brain fully heals
and that I always sing the songs
of my heart
as magical spells
while staring at the skies magical wonder.

My whole life everyone has abused me
hurt me
tried to shrink me
laughed at me, when I was down
spat at me
and told me I was nothing.

Now you know whats even better
the men who laugh at me objectify me
the women who insult me my body
and who I am,
think that I am worthless
maybe you haven' experienced what I have in life,
but I will say this,
you haven't seen me in my villian era.

See many feminists
won't actually admit
that women
can be just as bad as men or worse
see it ain't about gender
its about a certein kind of people
who are rotten to the core,
and they don't show their face,
until after they are done.

But KARMA sees and knows.

oh so this goes out to all my haters
everyone that acted like my friend
and was my actual flesh and blood
who harassed my body
made ****** jokes about me
who hate me for just existing,
well really you just hate yourself
and when these things have happened to me
I would just wanna die
and say what's the point??

and I still feel that way ,
but this time
I am even more empowered
to be even more in my power
and to not allow those who are
toxic as hell
to take me down anymore!

One day I will meet my people
and the ones who deserve it will
get what they need,
because that's how the universe works
I trust it
I have my whole life,

always tried to be the good person
but no more.
I just laugh
because its always the men
who claim to be feminists
and woke,

its the women who pertend to be awakened and spiritual
y'all are just lying pieces of sht
so don't pertend to be awakened
when clearly your just a piece of hell.
I hope you learn your lesson
because I ain't being around you anymore.

I allow the dark feminine to rise within me
and I say enough is fcking enough!!

I think about you when I touch myself
I remember the way you touched my heart
the way your hair felt in my hands
the way you kissed my cheek
and the way you flirted with me
I wish I wasn't so sensitive
and I could just forget you.

It doesn't take much
For a society to become authoritarian
First they start by labeling
The right ways to think
Be look and act
Than they
start
With masks
With doctors who give you pills instead of cures
To fuel their big time  money making machine,
Now I'm not saying it's all bad
Than mandatory vaccines
Monitering internet usage
Than it's inflation magically rising
Let's see how much we can crush our people,
Make them obey
Than it's creating artificial humans
Already see it coming ...

The books I read as a teen
With the foresight to know and understand it might happen ,

If you stay quiet your compliant.
So will you understand

The way this matrix
Programs you from birth
To hate  yourself,
To continue to buy things to feel better about yourself,

To force you into a system of  slave labor,
That ***** your soul and your life force,

That convinces you
Tricks you
To always live in survival,

So you can't ever truly relax.

I never realized I picked a country just like the USA but worse in some ways,

It definitely gives perspective
To leave religion
To exit many ideologies
And to see truth
For what it is
So will you remain asleep or choose to listen to yourself
And to awaken
The choice is only yours
And it's up to you
And you only.