I hate Lupin
I was scared that you'd love the show more than you loved me.
I was scared that the couch would suddenly become more interesting than your own daughter
I was scared that you'd leave again
And go back to that room
Back to emoji blitz
Back in the dark

I write about you nonstop
I write about you until my head is throbbing and ribbons are rolling down my cheeks
Until my heart is hammering in my chest
Until I come to my senses and worry about other things
Important things

A good cry
Maybe that's all I need
A good cry to empty all of my sorrow and disintegrate all feelings of dismal

Maybe that's all I need in life
Until I'm able to numb my feelings away and finally become the stoic person I've always wanted to be

Maybe then,
If I cleanse myself of all emotion,
I'll be happy
Simply happy

Not stuck thinking about you 24/7
Not stuck staring at your lips every time you talk
Not stuck wanting you because
god
That's all I need

Please

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀heart                             heart
         wails            MY       break               in
      in                               ?                             still
       my                                                              i­
        chest                                                  am
          BEGGING                                WHY
              me                                  months
                  to                                   six
                      numb                 been
             ­                the             ITS
                                      pain

My love for love itself is overflowing
The thoughts in my head are tender and raw
Over and over again, I see that portrait of you
Of an angel
The spitting image of love itself is embedded in you

In your nut brown hair
In your toned arms
In your silken thin lips

Slowly the flames burn my heart
All incentive has melted away, with no wick left to light
and no rock left to spark

And it is then I realize that life has shown me all its foibles
And that I may never fall for love again