Dear beloved sunshine
I am endlessly thankful
That the blades were too dull,
The pills were too weak,
The roof was too low.
You never would've seen the beauty
Of the life we've come to know.
The love of our life,
The people that came and went
The sun shining down on our tattered skin,
Caressing every inch
Like a lost lover.
The pieces you hid
That you love more than ever before
Never forget how special you are.
With all my love
-  your sunshine

The rays of the everpresent sun tends to drip on my face in the most unfortunate times
With the yellow haze that has clouded the vision of those around me
The twinkle in my eye is completely misleading
For the moonstone glimmer is anything but a window to my soul
It is merely a drop of sunlight
That keeps the world away from how I truly feel

I have learnt that worth isn't measured linearly
For I am good enough for your hungry eyes
To trace every curve and fold of my figure
Yet I am not worthy of our lips meeting
And the warmth of your being infusing into mine.
I am attractive enough for you to see me in my most vulnerable state,
Yet I should not even dare to wish to hold your hand
Because I am only good enough when I don't have any clothes on.

I've learnt to love thunder
It brings me a strange sence of comfort
Because it always manages to remind me of you
The soft rumble has a similar rasp to your voice
And the rain that follows will always remind me of the days I've spent dreaming about holding you while the rain pours outside my window
Lightning doesn't frighten me anymore
The flashes of light have grown familiar to me
Just as familiar as the flash of light in your eyes
That seem to spark every time i see you
I've learnt to love thunder
I've learnt to love you

The stars seem to swirl around us every time you wrap your arms around me
My heart seems to beat out of my chest every time I hold you tight,
but I don't blame it
It just wants to be closer to you
I wish our souls could interwine
And spend infinity together
Where we can watch stars turn into stardust
While our love continues to grow

You make me feel like a true hopeless romantic
Where our love is based off a romance novel
And every moment I spend with you feels like sheer magic
Your touch is electrifying
And your smile can make even the coldest hearts warm for atleast a moment
Every time our lips meet the universe pauses
And all the pain in the world fades away
I wish the moment could last forever
And I could stay in your arms untill the end of time

Why did you say you loved me earlier that day
If you knew you didn't anymore
Why did you make me hopeful
If you had no hope left in us
Why did you become so intimate with me
Even if you knew you were going to leave
Why did you break me
If you weren't going to try to put me back together again
I will cling onto the idea of you forever
I love you

I don't really understand why you left
But its not my choice to make
My intentions were clear as daylight
You're the one that stepped off the path
But I'm alone now
You were my home, my everything
But I guess it's not the same for you
I still love you
I'll always love you
Even if you shattered me when you said we're over
I will always have a soft spot for you
You'll always be my love
Even if we're not together

Yes, you are the reason I wake up in the morning
And the reason I get out of bed
The reason I try
But you are also the reason why I cry so somberly every time I hear a love song
Because I wish our love was as effortless, as clean as the sweet notes played over the song I listen to over and over again as the tears stream over my face
Because I know our love will never be as sweet and as effortless as theirs

Consuming every inch of my existence
Every fiber of my being
Chipping away at every bone in my body
It's never enough
Never skinny enough,
Never pretty enough,
Never enough
I will devour myself from the inside out
And still consume the troubles of others
My mind will stay ravenous
While my body grows hollow

I will always remember the first time your hands touched my skin
Static spewed from your finger tips
And I never felt more at home
Your arms held me tightly
With a child-like love that I haven't experienced in an extremely long time
Your smile makes the sun look like a dim lightbulb flickering in a victorian manor, your eyes glow like satin
You make me happier than I've ever been <3

I look at the menu.
Numbers flood my mind.
The feeling of running on empty consumes every inch of my being.
A faint, boney pattern stains my upper body.
A beautiful image slowly turns into a spindly sketch of an unrecognizable void with protruding ribs and a face lined with salty tears.
A void, consuming the person I used to know

One
Two
Three
I count them individually in my hand
Ten
Twenty
Thirty
There's enough...
With one foul gulp
All of the plain white pills disappear
With every last piece of me alongside it

I'm stuck
My rope is thinning out
Slowly, but surely.
The monster is chasing me
Through every twist and turn of my mind
I don't know where I'm going anymore
I've lost all sence of direction
But the rope is still there
I can go back at any given moment
But I'm afraid to see what's waiting at the entrance

TW! substance abuse and self harm

A sharpner
That's all it takes
The only thing
that can take the numbness away
A plain, white pill
A handful if I please
The numbness will return
But in a better way.

Brown and yellow leaves paint the blank city with beautiful colors, that remain absent in the seasons to come. The faint aroma of cinnamon fills every corner of the dainty corner stores. The bakeries have already started making sweet cinnamon rolls, to enjoy with a warm cappuccino. The bell rings its regular tune. Your smile is filled with the same colors that are painted over the city. The scent of fresh cinnamon rolls linger on your brown and cream jumper. And your fluffy, cappuccino brown hair is blowing in the wind, before you stuff it under your newly knitted beanie. Everything I adore, I can see in you. But, as the seasons change, you change along with it. Your cold, icy heart strikes my seemingly endless warmth. The pancakes and hot chocolate tend to mask the wet, drowsiness of your every day movements. Your thunder-like voice strikes fear in the warm hearts your ever changing personality has consumed in it's spider-like web. But as the spring brings new spirits and clean homes, your web is cleaned and you start anew. An entrancing personality blooms. And the cycle starts again

A mind jumbled with ones and zeros.
A strict code to stick to on the daily.
Well, that's how I've always worked...
Until I met you.
My code has failed to process such detailed and deep emotions.
It has shut down completely.
A bug has seemingly slipped its way in.
A virus my everlasting firewall plainly let through.
But it's comforting to know that the virus is you.

Soft, mossy ground covers the forest floors. Vines hang from high trees, glistening with the dew drops from the mist that spread during dawn. The scenery is laconic. And sweet serendipity makes it's presence known. Chimes and flutes accompany you, making a beautiful song out of the jumble of seemingly useless, natural noises, a rhythm out of a rythmless stroll. While fawns may seem shy, they tend to speak ever so softly about every newcomer. The lakes glisten under the starlight. Every noise has left your hearing range. Complete silence. The only thing left to bother you is your own thoughts.

A person I no longer know stares back at me.
Taunting me, proclaiming my worth.
The tiny, ****** pieces of broken mirror litters the floor around my feet.
A black hole, where my face was once seen.  
My knuckles are heavily wounded, with blood racing down the palm of my hand and welling up on my fingertips.
My glasses have fogged up, thus showing me an even more distorted image of a person I no longer recognize.

The sun reflects off the ocean and spreads a bright sparkle over the water. A dull orange sunset floods the sky above my head. Her eyes sparkle as she stands in the shallow water. The water gently covers her feet and kisses her ankles. Small water droplets slowly cover her white button-up shirt.

With a slight hesitation I walk forward toward her. Her deep, dark brown eyes draw me in, to see her dreams. Her lips remind me of cherry blossoms. Small, delicate butterflies surround us.

But it's high tide now. Our sandcastle that we built together crumbles to the ground as the sky slowly turns grey. It's going to rain soon. The yelling increases. The glass shatters. This fasade I created fades away. I drift back into reality. Alone, lonely. Only small water droplets can be heard tapping from the sink.

Autumn friends are wonderful, yet short. Full of beautiful colours like orange, red and brown. And it smells as sweet as cinnamon rolls with a nice, warm cappuccino. It's as exciting as the pile of leaves when you are a child. Yet that friendship leaves so soon. It's so beautiful, until it starts falling from the branches. It leads you into a cold, isolated winter. The winter does have it's advantages. The hot chocolate on a cold winter's night in front of a burning log fire and sweet pancakes. A warm blanket around you. The winter friend stays much longer and never fully leaves. Ofcoarse seasons do come and go, but it lets another season take it's place. Next time you feel like an autumn friend has left you, remember that the winter friend is on their way and here to stay.

The absence of time,
Absence of friends,
Absence of a will to live.
This is a plague that has struck our generation.
The absence of support,
The absence of perants.
This is what we have to live with each day.
Seeing no boundaries,
people tear away every piece of joy that was once present.
After all, no one cares.
We have to "know our place," but when anything happens, it's our problem, our fault.
The absence of a role model.
Because life is now even more absent
And death has shown it's presence

Friendship is there during the darkest times
It's there in the lightest
It's there when no one cares,
Or believes you.
It is there when you like it,
Or not
I love all my friends
They are allways there
Even if they annoy me

Bullying is serious
It causes sadness
It causes suicide
It causes a ruined life
It causes pain
It causes self hate
It causes broken trust
It causes depression
Bullying is not tolerated
Bullying is wrong
Bullying makes you unpopular
Bullying makes you a murderer

I'm lost in a sea of emotions,
Lost in life itself.
I've lost my way in the woods,
With twists and turns in the path.
I don't know where I should turn,
Or if I even should.
If I should lie about things I did,
Or come clean.
I'm lost in my thoughts
And my imagination
I'm lost in the hatred and anger of the world,
Lost in tears of life
And sorrows of death.
I'm lost in my own head.