it never stops
i'm going mad you see
the pain has me in entrapment
i feel i'll never be freed
the pills mask the hurt
from the inside out it seems
i've built a tolerance so i always need more
who knew an addict would become of me
each refill is a look
a lecture from the pharmacy
humiliated as i hide the bottles in my purse
no, this is not stephanie
it began as a necessity
a true deserving need
but out of fear of future operations
i'll do almost anything
it's a secret
or is it something you can see?
my eyes are tired of throbbing pain
because of a disease of rarity
no one understands
so i stage act who i used to be
give her an Oscar tell her what she's won
behind this brain's brutality
to run from fear
is to fear reality

stuck between a nightmare
and a dream
my god,
what's happened to me?

my hair is your obsession
because it's *****
it's curly
it's exotic
it's ethnic

i wrap it up because it's fallen out
and you call me aunt jemima
i wrap it up because it's damaged
and you call me carmen miranda

you taped a photo on my desk

how about i tape a photo to your desk?
compare you to every white person you remind me of
touch your hair every day and point out your split ends
your bald spots
your imperfections
and send you a photo of the whitest white woman
and say,
this is you;
you are her

your ignorance fascinates me and yet
i'm not allowed to say ****
i sit in my chair
and i let your micro aggressions build up
into volcanoes that make me want to erupt on
your fantasy island
where all white is all right
and all black is all nap
and latinas serve your tequilas

you always want to put your ******* fingers
where they don't belong
you believe your simple gestures are innocent
but you're wrong