I knew there was jeopardy,
in our hearts and our minds.
Blood flowing amongst your lungs,
and to many breaths in mine.
Our eyes saw one another
as the same but different
color.
The virtue of patience grew mutually,
I just sat and thought of the day
you would be daddy and I would be
mother.
Long distance is anything but easy,
you never know how you really
are
until that infection hits you
hard in the
gut.
You knew you had to go,
you questioned if staying was worth it,
if I was the one thing keeping you alive,
the truth made you realize
I wasn’t.
Since we broke up and you hung up
first,
I have carried on with
blood, sweat, and tears,
and alcoholic thirst.
Every new man who approaches me
makes me crave your love once more.
I just pretend I was your one and only
and heaven was the last open door.
I find comfort in imagining our
break up call like this:
I heard your voice last as
they turned off the machines
and my heart shattered with
broken glass,
of picture frames of my visions
of you, me,
and our two sons and
daughter.
I will never find another man like you,
you were perfect
you just couldn’t believe it too.
But I know you are alive and
breathing,
if I see you again,
please tell me
I was the one
who taught you to
love yourself
you were such a gift
in my life,
I panic when I ask if I
was a gift in
yours.
I reminisce you as if you died
peacefully  in bed with dialysis machines and wires
hooked to your heart.
I was the last one who loved you,
who you held and protected in your
chest.
Those weren’t the only wires
that had to carry you through
as I was with you at the time.
So rest in peace,
You are one I will never forget.
You live in the sky with angels,
I continue my life with
regret.
I miss you,
teddy bear.
You were on dialysis,
so you being gone forever
is only
fair.

I knelt to a tile floor,
of a busy mall,
I was working at a table,
I looked down and saw your head with
long black hair fall.
You put your head in my lap
you broke down and cried,
I remember you rejected me
but this is how I replied.
You had tears down your face
I held you in my arms,
I called you ‘Superman’,
you cried and later felt
my warmth.

My eyes opened wide,
the sun was out,
I was alone in my bed and my room was quiet,
It was just a dream, I felt a tear and a pout.
I was reminded that in reality you are gone and away,
I dreamed you were crying, and the dream said you would
stay.

You don’t have to, it’s fine, just live your life
how you need.
I will always remember your timeline,
and how I did wonder if you would come to me
with greed.
I called you ‘Superman’ in my dream,
though that must be the one thing that was real.
You have come so far,
that name I call you is truth no steal.

You may be gone but I still have immense respect for
you and your life.
You have come so far, you are a ‘Superman’,
continue with your dignity and drive.
I consoled you as you cried in a dream
I pray will someday prove my clairvoyance
and therefore come
alive.

If you’re never going to love me,
and when you do, you’re not going
to do it right,
I appreciate your absence.
My heart has grown fonder for a
proper gentleman, not a lazy sloth
who can’t go out of his way for a
beautiful woman.
You lied,
you hurt,
you messed up,
you never got worked up,
for me to be in your sad pathetic
life.
Since I am gone and I know
you are too,
I only want you to love
yourself.
It is the best thing you can do right
now for you and for everyone around you.
Start with yourself
so you never
hurt another
woman.

Know yourself,
not just the bad,
know your limits,
forget the trauma
you once
had.
Feel your hands touch
your face,
be grateful for your
individual look.
Quit eyeing everyone
around you,
sit down with a
reading book.
Jealousy is a force,
nerves are
automatic.
Anger is unacceptable
and hostility is
dramatic.
Mean spirited behavior is
wrong,
so turn it into a play, book, movie,
or song,
and we can all join along,
and feel your pain.
Sometimes witnessing
is how you win
the game.