It was always so incredibly intense
Love and hate so close to each other
Break up one day, then make up the next
One day ignore, the next you'd smother

You'd often slap me when you were in a rage
Shouting and swearing in front of my mates
One day i snapped and pushed you back hard
Just gave you an excuse to intensify your hates

This time it's over you'd told me so often
But this time you'd held a secret from me
A child, our baby, was growing inside you
But your hate was there for all to see

We'd often split up, got together again
But this time you couldn't wait
Booked yourself in at the hospital
And there you sealed its fate

No mention to me till after the deed
And then you broke the news
"You've lost me and your baby"
Intensifying and heightening my blues

She'd plunged a fist in my chest and twisted my heart
The pain was too much to bear
Then one morning I decided to do myself in
I hated my life, it was so unfair

Just sat in my garage inside my car
Engine running and windows wide open
Smoking cigarettes and thinking of what might have been
I'd lost it I just wasn't coping

I sat there and welcomed death
To ease the incredible pain
I felt from losing my baby
Grim reapers sweet refrain

In my crazy intense world, I totally forgot
My mother, my father and the pain that they'd feel
As they too lost there baby for no rhyme or reason
No second chances and no appeal

I'm not sorry of the decision to take my own life
but to my parents I infinitely regret
Nobody should have to bury their children
To them I owe a huge debt

One day in the future we'll all meet again
And there I can show them my child
Then they will see the joy that it brings
The baby, the life, their grandchild

Today was the day I broke down and cried
Uncontrollable howling sobs from the very pit of my soul
Helpless and forlorn, not knowing how to make it stop
Just had to ride the wave and let it  take its toll

I hadn't cried for twenty years and never in front of my brood
It wasn't what I wanted or what I thought was right
But today was the day that it erupted from me
Emotions too powerful to fight

Driving the car, my family with me
We passed a shrine on the side of the road
Carefully manicured square yard of grass
With angels and scripture and candles that glowed

I felt the cold sweat rise as I realised what it was
a sweet young girl from just along the street
A friend of the family, the same age as one of mine
A talented artist, charmed all she'd meet

She died in a car crash a couple of weeks before
I was shocked by the news, a terrible waste
I guess my family has been lucky so far
And something like this I hadn't faced

The wife and the two eldest went to the funeral
While I sat in with the young one
Paying their respects at the church and reception
As I tried not to think of the pain of her mum

A lady I knew from when we were young
A connection that made the pain keener
But I kept my emotions in check that day
Upholding a solemn demeanour

But the shock as I realised it was her shrine that day
Made me lower my guard and allow me to taste
The pain of her mother, the acid and bile
As she tended that spot, sobbing, such a waste

The anger, the rage, the where and the why
The questions, the impotence, the need to understand
Could she carry on, was anything worth it now?
Why had awful fate dealt her this hideous hand?

An ever increasing circle of anguish
Coursed through my mind as I travelled
Until I could swallow it no more and gave way
As my sanity unravelled

My head in my hands, my face contorted with grief
My shoulders rocking, howls escaping my throat
What must my family be thinking of me
As I lost it and sobbed in my coat

My wife sat there looking embarrassed
We were never the same again
I felt that I had shown her a weakness
My machismo was all in vain

I cry much easier these days it seems
As though I'd breached the floodgates
The only comfort I get from that
Was it wasn't in front of my mates

I don't know if I am emotionally *******
Or it's just that I've been graced
With good health for me and my closest kin
My mortality has never been faced

But as I get older I have to come to terms
With aging parents, in-laws and all that entails
I wonder how I'll cope when I see those close to me
Breaking down in tears, the cries and the wails

All I can ask is that parent goes before child
As eventually go we all must
And hope to have led a full, happy life
Before we all turn to dust

"It is a deepening,"
                         she said
and took his hand
to her watery bed,
beaming her light
upon those almost
invisible threads
in particles subtly
                 speaking
in sparkling aquatic tongues
like colored crystals,
felt in shards of icy wine
shells sifted
in far-flung
            seas of time
Shining down as
we dive to the depths
we lead each other on
We are the  
           explorers of the dark
We have
powerful equipment
to attempt to clarify
radiate it all up
              and if it fails,
the light from
our eyes and hands
is enough to illuminate
the murky
        waters below
our salvation,
deep-sea secrets
revealed—
churning in undertow
         In fact, if you dare
to penetrate the dark
and cast aside
fear of predators
               you will see-
the ruins of
an ancient temple
                waiting,
just waiting
for you
       for me
to dance amongst
the algae-coated
alabaster, green
wisps moving
in hypnotic motion
to weave in-between
the fish and corals,
a magic breathing in
of ocean
in sync with our own
                          breaths
This expanse of endlessness
        …..so many layers to discover
to sway and trip the light
in quiet,
            breathless joy
The feel of electric
flow around our feet.
Saltwater,
            turning sweet.
It is time
for the next stage
                     to begin
So tip your
head back,
my love---
and
       drink it
                     in