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Emily Mar 2019
I thought I was above rejection
Immune to heartbreak
But it turns out, I’m capable of
Lying here alone
And coughing up pain
Your silence is the only treatment
God grant me the strength
To tune you out
  Feb 2019 Emily
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
Is off-brand raisin bran
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
Emily Feb 2019
The sound of your voice
Changes the tone of my day
It makes me want to
Lay my head on your chest
And listen to your heart all night

Emily Feb 2019
In a hazy moment
I feel like the weight
Of the world
Is in the pit of my stomach
Leaving little room
For mindfulness or motivation
I reach for my coffee
It slips from my ******* hand
Spilling all over the counter
The Barista smiles and says not to worry
I’m grateful
While he cleans up my mess
I take a moment to breath
My problems don’t disappear
But I’m more clear and ready
To deal with them
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