We’ve been here before
The anticipation
The games
The conversations lasting into early morning
The knowing look in each others’ eyes

The only person who bring me so much joy and so much pain by just telling me the truth

I’ll wait
Or maybe you will
But either way
This is meant to be
Eventually we’ll see

The waiting game will be over
I promise

We’ll get our happily ever after

Maybe

If you focused more on yourself
And the improvements you
Obviously need to make

Maybe

If you focused more on your friends
And the connections you
Work so hard to make and then break

Maybe

Then you could find the love you look for
The only thing you seem to give a **** about
Not us
Not you
Not anyone
Just the love you hope to find

When we’re all standing here in front of you,

Giving you all the love in the world

Maybe

You do have to love yourself

Before you can love anyone else

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that this happened to you.

I’m sorry that you felt the need to take advantage of those that loved you and use them.
For their friendship.
For their bodies.
For their support.

I’m sorry that you’re so alone
Because you made yourself that way.

I’m sorry that we found out
I’m sorry that your ruse is over after years of facades.

I’m sorry that I’m not really sorry.
I’m sorry for you.
I’m sorry that you are the way you are.

I’m sorry that you think you are worth the world.
I’m sorry that you think you’re worth broken friendships and broken dreams.
Broken hearts.
Broken lives.

I’m sorry that all the times I said “You’re the Sun. You deserve so much.”
That you thought I meant you deserve everything ever created and a little something extra.

I’m sorry that we are all just human.
I’m sorry that we couldn’t be more for you.
I’m sorry that you couldn’t even try to be more for us.

But in apologies, backstabbings, and lies,
Comes a new light.
A light at the end of the never-ending, miserable tunnel that was our friendship.
A light that promises new and old friendships to be a warm sunny day
Instead of the cold, rainy, dangerous nights they were with you.

I’m sorry that I’m not sorry at all
And I’m sorry that you aren’t sorry at all either.

It’s funny

How the beginning of one thing signifies the immediate end of another

It’s funny

How when you kissed me, I had never felt more alive

Until they kissed me just a short two weeks later

It’s funny

How in love you can fall
From one short kiss
And only meeting a few times

It’s funny

How it isn’t funny at all
And how unhurt you seem to be
And how I feel like I’m dying inside

It’s funny
How I’m dying
And you’re smiling and laughing
And I thought you loved me.

I’ve written about this before
A Long, Long time ago

I remember saying to myself the moment I met you
“This. This will be different. This will be good.”

And I remember the feeling of finally realizing I was over my last best friend

Deciding to leave

A full 7 years later

But I never expected this from you.

I never expected you to leave me in the dust
In the rain, beginning to rust

I wrote about her
In ways I hoped I would never write again
And you made me think I wouldn’t have to

But I should’ve known
The second I felt that pain in my chest

That I was done for
Doomed
Ready to fail

All over again.

That feeling
When your stomach hits the floor
And say “I don’t want to do this anymore”

That feeling
When you realize you’re in love
And they say “you don’t matter anymore”

Realizing that the person that brought you out of your shell
Is going to be the one to put you back in it

Because they stopped caring
Stopped appreciating
Stopped listening

They acted like your best friend
They made you think for just one second
That maybe they loved you too

But they didn’t
You were a pawn in a game of chess
That you were never going to win