I've made mistakes,
More than I care to remember,

I'm the only one
That I can blame,
I began making them
The year that I was born--43 years ago
In December.

My intentions,
Where always, to do good,
But somehow it always backfired,

Someone always got hurt -
Usually me!
I think it's the way
That I was built and wired.

God knows how hard I always tried,
But I never could get it right,

Selfish people's darkness
would always drown my sunshine
and steal my daylight.

I never wanted to hurt a soul,
But I only had two choices:
Make someone else happy--and be miserable!

Or,

Make choices,
So that I may be happy--and become invisible!

I was never a bad person - On the contrary,
I was too good!

The biggest mistake I ever made,
Was not doing what I wanted -
What I knew, I should.

The moral of this little story
Is quite simple to understand...

Be a kind, good-natured human,
But don't live your life on demand!

I would love to say
That I have no regrets,

But I can't lie to anyone,
Or to myself;
You see, my heart...
It never, ever, forgets.

~ I'm slowly learning how to forgive myself
for not getting everything right,

I've had help from my precious children,
And from my man...
'Cause, having them, means...
That I got the most important part right!

By Lady R.F ©2016

Kaleidoscope vision
In a merry-go-round,
Carousel-like underworld,

Roller coaster experiences
In a haunted house,
Within an amusement park -
  Feeling nauseous - overwhelmed -
Dizzily swirled.

Out of breath,
On the ground--curled,

Deep
Down
In the
Netherworld.

Bumper cars on chase,
Crashing into me,

Nightmares, whilst wide awake,
Is what I regularly see.

Curious, scary clown faces
With open mouths,
Staring at me - following me - taunting me - Constantly,

This is what living with Anxiety
Feels like;
A freak show carnival
Taking place,
Inside,
And
Outside,
Of me.

~ Anxiety:
A repetitive nightmare!
A living Hell!
One, that I know, all too well!

By Lady R.F ©2016

Have you ever heard the sound
of someone's concealed, internal tears,
crying through the vibrations
of the still, dense silence?

A piercing,
screeching sound,
Whilst seeing invisible, warm blood
pouring from their eyes -
such horrific,
torturous violence.

Your soul feels
the shock
of the extreme pain--telepathically.
You feel helpless, to say the least...

A tainted soul,
truly horrified -
tortured
by their cruel,
internal,
dark, dark beast.

Have you? ... I have!

By Lady R.F ©2016

Rock-bottom
is a place
where strong warriors
display self-control -
by finding their ground
and picking themselves up - collected.

By Lady R.F ©2016

Pick yourself a flower
From the fields
Within my heart,

I make you a promise:
My kind, caring fragrance,
From you,
Will never, ever part.

Pick yourself a berry
From the branches
Of my soul's vine,

My giving, eternal sweetness
Will remain with you forever -
Beyond
The end of time.

By Lady R.F ©2016

Place your ear onto this page -
Can you hear my heavy heart
Inadequately beating?

Fix your eyes onto my words -
Can you see my tired soul
Slowly fleeting?

Painfully,
It is fading away,
Like a ship
Heading out to sea,

The farther away
That it goes,
You see less, and less,
Of me.

Place your heart
Where mine once was,
Can you feel the extreme warmth
It always generated?

Close your eyes,
Think back, not, too, far -
Do you remember the precise moment,
That my spirit, from my body,  
Separated?

By Lady R.F ©2016

Broken
does not render someone useless,
nor does it mean that the end has come,

It simply means
that the person has been mishandled,
I believe, that this is the case, for some.

Broken
does not mean hopeless,
nor does it mean that better days,
for the tired soul, will not arrive,

It simply means that the person
has to work harder
to bounce back,
to be brave and stay alive.

Broken,
in itself,
is beautiful,
it means that the person
has lived,
experienced and survived,

Broken
means strength and endurance -
It means, that by a Warrior,
defeat was denied.

By Lady R.F ©2016