I would buzz my head
Everyone would call me Kay
I'd never visit Portland
I'd be promiscuous
My hands would be empty

To have, to want
To have, what is not yours
To have, but not fully
I feel like I am reaching for you while you
reach for something, someone, anything else
I do not own you, nor do I wish to
I just want to feel, if I place my hand on your face you're not wishing it was someone else's
You mourn a distant city and your lost love
I too know of mourning
I end up feeling your pain and mourn our current romance

Some days I am small
I recoil into myself
Curling my knees into my chest
As if I am back in my placenta
Other days I am getting double teamed
In the room of a cheap ****** motel
while a guy tells me I look hot while I cry
I am two sides of one coin
I love ***
Then I hate ***
But I tolerate the act so I can feel something
Sometimes I feel
My rapists hands slither through and tear apart my progress just like he tore a part my virginity that cool January day.
Other times I feel ****** urges ravage through me
A demon of sweat and moans
That won't be satisfied until I am
sweating and moaning
I am not useful unless I am being used
I am tired of not feeling useful when I am not being used