Kay Lueders

Kay Lueders Oct 2017

A poem to commemorate the end of a beautiful relationship

I would buzz my head
Everyone would call me Kay
I'd never visit Portland
I'd be promiscuous
My hands would be empty

A poem to my lover

Kay Lueders Oct 2017

Circa 2015

Times goes by
the high fades
and so do you
cravings rip you to shreds
take another hit
another drag
swallow
Pupils dialate
the rooms starts spinning
Walking up the walls
the dizziness comes rushing in
the spell of euphoria consumes you
drowning in complete ecstasy
the brain knows exactly what the body wants
Hours pass and numbness creeps in like an omen
You want more to shed the stress
another ****
another pack
another pop
The mind becomes foggy
You start to dissolve into your surroundings
sinking into the green grass
into the wet soil
soaking through the Earth's flaming core
you disintegrate
you are left as nothing but a pile of smoldering ashes

#drugs

Kay Lueders Oct 2017

Eulogy

Surrounded by the crisp clean air. The Earth came up and surrounded me like a blanket. Leaves formed around me forming a cacoon. I sunk into the damp soil, but somehow didn't get consumed by the Earth's crust. I laid surrounded by bright green leaves, the smell of the soil, I was then pure.

#mental #illness

Kay Lueders Oct 2017

Untitled

To have, to want
To have, what is not yours
To have, but not fully
I feel like I am reaching for you while you
reach for something, someone, anything else
I do not own you, nor do I wish to
I just want to feel, if I place my hand on your face you're not wishing it was someone else's
You mourn a distant city and your lost love
I too know of mourning
I end up feeling your pain and mourn our current romance

A love poem to my lover, who craves his past lover.

#loverelationships

Kay Lueders Oct 2017

Untitled

Some days I am small
I recoil into myself
Curling my knees into my chest
As if I am back in my placenta
Other days I am getting double teamed
In the room of a cheap ****** motel
while a guy tells me I look hot while I cry
I am two sides of one coin
I love ***
Then I hate ***
But I tolerate the act so I can feel something
Sometimes I feel
My rapists hands slither through and tear apart my progress just like he tore a part my virginity that cool January day.
Other times I feel ****** urges ravage through me
A demon of sweat and moans
That won't be satisfied until I am
sweating and moaning
I am not useful unless I am being used
I am tired of not feeling useful when I am not being used

#tw #**** #sexuality #survivor

— The End —