pain is a drug
& most of us can't get enough

falling for errors
while loving those we don't trust

red flags ignored
true intentions come to light

feelings get hurt
hearts are never taken in consideration

pain is a drug
some of us can never get enough

in silence where we reside

smiling with pain inside

guilty for following intuition

our blessing as well as our downfall

the cons of having a huge heart

As a man, I’m not ashamed to admit that I cry sometimes in the dark where I can’t be seen to anyone else who may not understand the concept behind my pains rainfall or the aftermath of the destruction from my damaged heart

Almost everyday, I question my stance as a man looking for any errors that may need correcting or any part of my spirit that maybe in need of improvements

Sometimes, I feel weak for being so emotional about what I feel or passionate about sharing love with another soul that needs me

Overall, I feel I am amazing but fall short on qualities needed to attract certain eyes that see through my false happiness & see the treasure that’s tucked away behind this pure heart of mine

Intimate conversations turn
Associates to close acquaintances.
talks about life & past experiences
that turn a heart cold that built
walls up to be the guardian against
the bad vibes that come around
with the intentions of harm

Over time, this pain births the doubts of happiness
& everything that’s attached to it
but we keep search in hopes of falling in love
only to fall victim & eventually look stupid

I’ve seen the potential in a few
out of the many I’ve chose to entertain
but they’re nothing more than lessons
of the game with the goal to destroy
you from within letting it be known you’re the problem

We can only bring true peace to ourselves
& only wish to addon to another one’s
peace if it indeed exists above the pain
that’s already established from the tragedies of the wrong love

I accept that I’ll never understand the pain, sacrifice, & patience
the sadness, the drive, or the strength to keep going
whether it’s the gift of life or the damage of a toxic love
without the fathers’ help but she manages to be all she can be
I feel it’s my duty to appreciate the magic in her presence
the endless crying tears, the endless sleepless nights
the feeling of being let down yet she still hangs on to her crown
I pray to the powers above that her heart is one day admired
her wounded existence & her will to never give up
is such a beautiful thing to witness
the pain or the beautiful madness of this Woman’s Work

found freedom within the cage

found relief within the rage

born again in the worst way

the old me I tried to save

found peace within the madness

poetic with razors using my skin as a canvas

in the mirror, I no longer see me

but the monster that became me

obsessed with the feeling

tried hard to overcome it

running from fate

regret fills my face

saw a trap & took the bait

the right one wasn't worth the wait

rolling stone in the night

the man I've become

I prove my worth

show you my soul

put my flaws on the table

we're both insecure, you & I


But what if I become true

to my every word

& show you dreams come alive

would it be enough to help you fly again

everything is okay

never knew what this would feel like

for once, my world isn't dark

the sun shining bright over me

flowers bloom in the spring

birds chirp the morning away

laughter in the midst

feels like I've waited my whole life for this

I hear the music playing
matching the rain on the window
with thunder adding suspense
depression in the making

The feeling in my soul
when I'm in the dark
feeling for an escape
but I'm empty & lose control

Silence becomes a melody
as I listen to the sorrows
of me suffering
a familiar symphony

It brings Sadness
leaves us confused
changing our approach
modifying our point of view

For most, it’s a fantasy
a feeling only present
when our eyes close
to grow old as one & raise a family

Go thru hell & craziness
wasting precious time
being broken
just to get to happiness

That’s what Love is
trails & tribulations
dead ends, lonely nights
live life alone holding grudges

every kiss I cherish

every hug I embrace

dwell every time we vibe

feeling butterflies all over

cause any second it'll be over

thoughts of you in every song

you're mine, that's where you belong

love for the moment cause forever ain't that long

I remember it so vividly me
the rage inside killing me
going to school every day
& at the end of each day, I would pray
ask God for the guidance
don’t have patience but I tried it
let everything go, enough is enough
everybody must die or ima give up
got home in the pm right around 3
before I hit the back door, found my uncles key
walked into his room looked in the closet
there goes the gun hiding in the darkness
I took it to my room & loaded it up
put it under my bed used my shoes to cover it up
next morning I wake up, wash up & head out
with the gun in my bag & the bus enroute
but 10mins before it pull up, I stopped & think
ima take my future then throw it down the sink
all I wanna do is ****, my fist hurts from the wall
punching it nonstop, guess I'm angry by default
on second thought I threw the gun in the ditch
before word gets out & my mom gets the switch
got ****** on my mind but couldn't fulfill it
blood painting the walls when I spill it
4 main targets that won't live to see 18
living out grand theft auto outside of my dreams
got to school but remained quiet while screaming
inside my head with the demon side scheming
on making a move to make them regret
messing with me with I dump led in their chest
waiting for a moment so I black out
destroy everything in sight, ima show you what this pain bout
alive or dead at the time it was worth the risk
but before either one, they'll remember me for this

when you're done blaming me

crying over or hating me

begging or persuading me

stressed over dating me

tried ******* saving me

but the pettiness was killing me

for the moment I was fortunate

but in love, we're total opposites

no hate but vibes are moderate

my departure hurts but you'll get over it

a decision was made
a path was paved
the future delayed
my heart wasn't saved

a chapter ended
a heart befriended
your love's suspended
the reason argumented

I admitted I'm wrong
couldn't string you along
to make you think we strong
together, we don't belong

hurt, you ain't the only one
too petty too long, we're done
forced me out, you won
you'll find another one

you appeared different
overtime you got distant
had me blushing
my heart you kept crushing
in pursuit of something
my goodies had you lusting
your soul had me trusting
every word you ever spoke
killed me & left me broke
you're a king, that's a joke
gained my heart but you choked
you're a different man, that's indeed
in your lies I believed
after all I told you
& you still chose to leave

My existence wasn't demanded
yet I was left stranded

nothing to do between you two
but I suffered because of you

grew up without your guidance
I'm hurt but remained silent

you forced the divorce
but made me feel like the source

for years I've taken the blame
feeling ashamed to have your name

not sorry I'll no longer be
the reason you'll always hate me

Feelings were invested,
honesty highly requested

Loyalty was given,
mistakes were unforgiven

Affection was a bonus,
good deeds went unnoticed

Communication was nonexistent,
we became distantly inconsistent

Trust was never established,
a breakup beyond tragic

We don’t live the same life
don’t share the same belief
you feel like I’m living a lie
my lifestyle, you don’t agree
but we both sin every day
& every day we pray
for God’s forgiveness
just in a different way
you live by the book
I live by my own views
just because I don’t follow the same path
doesn’t make me any less than you
I am of no religion
but God is the Greatest
holiness or spiritual
but for the final say so,
we’re all adjacent

without you, life wouldn't be the same

without you, I wouldn't have changed

without you, there wouldn't be a me

without you, I would've gone crazy

the light in dark days, the music in silence

a blessing to most but for me, you're my guidance

I've caused hell & heartache, pain including stress

gave me the best love thru all of my mess

I can't thank you without thanking God he creating you

cause without you, there is no me

Happy Mother's Day

With Love, I haven't had the best luck
settled for hookups trying to get my count up
but that was before the phase
before the worst heartbreak

I was in love once, it was a dream to me
I thought this angel was what she seemed to me
talking over the phone getting close to me
but who knew she'd be a part of my dark history

The reason why I said "F Love", they're all the same
you could be a King but they won't change
so I changed myself, still ashamed of myself
she broke me like nobody else

Provided a heavenly vibe in the midst of my hell
& she loved a King, in her voice I can tell
got me doing things I don't normally do
singing songs to her, it was beautiful

But then the world got dark with her in the center
playing me for an ex love, I could never forgive her
in fact, it made me bitter
the beginning of my downfall & my choice of liquor

I try not to blame them all cause it was my fault
trusting someone I barely knew & took a loss
thinking she'd be down but she let me down
questioning if I was really a King or clown
showing me words carry no certification
help turn me into a rebel against a lifetime goal
& if I'll ever go back, I guess we'll never know

when the sun goes to sleep
& day turns to night
you lay back to kick up your feet
once more, I make you feel high

all the right vibes
intimacy & romance
the excitement in your eyes
as we slow dance

make this last forever
everlasting pleasure
one dance meant for you & me
perfect symmetry when love collides
Love & Poetry

be the rhythm in my blues
whenever I want to feel loved

be the beat in my flow
whenever I want to move

be the star in my night
whenever my darkness needs light

be the umbrella
whenever my tears feel like rain

be the dream
whenever I lay my soul to sleep

be my everything
a King is lost without a Queen

We were separated as kids & life was never the same
no more around my best friend but who's the blame
because you were disabled mentally
& left me alone with mama, that was killing me
growing up in a house without you
forcing me to get out of the house & come up without you
with you gone, we only allowed me & moms to get close
so as an apology, here's my heart in my note
I know I've done things to you that I can never undone
but it wasn't with ill intent but I guess that's when the hell begun
had a bike when you was 6, I ran it in the ditch
lied to say it was you only for mama to get the switch
dynamic duo, me & you but that slowly died out
saying goodbye to my twin cause I'm forced to stay down south
I've always wanted a brother just to have that connection
not realizing that with you, there was a blessing
although you shared more similarities with mama
I was always jealous of your connection with mama
being that you're the oldest with a 3 year lead ahead of me
making you feel like you were obligated to watch over me
my protector when we were little until we got older
then I became the big brother & my heart got colder
you can say I'm mean as hell but it was for the best
so my apologies for the miscommunication & the stress

the sunshine with a hurricane
a sunny day with pouring rain
the happiness with drowning tears
the pursuit of joy with undying fears

the love of dreams with nightmares
the laughter after the thunder
the rage before the rain
& the light after the pain

poetry in motion
beauty within the madness
comfort within the irritation
the vibes of r&b with the effects of heavy metal

I write for that kid in school
abused at home & bullied in school
with thoughts of suicide or running away
with no friend in their corner feeling alone every day

I write for that man with a golden heart
dealing with ungrateful women tearing him apart
so used to losing that a win goes unappreciated
& a real man continues to this day to be hated
all because dogs have become loved with the hopes of change

I write for the pain within that I keep locked in
whether it's anger or depression that drives my pen
but it's my therapy & sometimes, my only friend
after spending my life defeating odds that I wouldn't win

I write for that woman feeling alone
heartbreak after heartbreak, crying at home
looking for the one thing she's never felt
when she already has it within herself
the lack of a father around so not sure who to love
but how to love, yearning for her white dove

I write for those dark days that only a few feel
diving in that liquor bottle & stuffed with pills
or a razor blade in hand drawing blood across the skin
wanting peace even if it means life will end

I write for the reader of this poem, you're just like me
a gifted troubled soul mixed in a dark world, just like me
blamed for everything & every loss, just like me
whether from family or yourself, you're guilty
but for the love of poetry & relief, you inspire me

i didn't ask to be this way

i didn't ask to feel this way

i didn't ask to rage out this way

but the pain & frustration made me this way

the target of several jokes, the fuel to my insecurities

the hell within the rage & the birth of many personalities

putting me at war with myself to fight the demon within

but i embraced the dark side till it became my only friend

i'm not me anymore, that part of me died long ago

i feel like a monster, that little kid doesn't exist no more

i forgive you for breaking me
i forgive you for forsaking me
i forgive you for tearing me apart
i forgive you for hurting me from the start

i never asked for much
i never asked to be crushed
i never asked to be here
i never asked to live in fear

i never asked to be hated
or to be let down from all the years I've waited
for a bond that'll never see the light of day
or the love I never had, you gave it away
but the one thing that hurts more
is seeing my younger siblings being loved more
by a father that cared for me
but I forgive you for never being there for me

Forgive me for the pain

& any errors I’ve created

for I know you’re pure

& full of love, yet I’ve

underestimated your Greatness

Willing to put others 1st who’ve only used you as a Replacement

You stayed true no matter I put you through

& truthfully, I don’t deserve you

for all the things you do

Loving unconditionally & making many lives beautiful

From the second I saw her, I knew things were about to get brighter
from the way you felt in my arms
to the fireworks within your eyes
to the way we talked for hours
it wasn’t long before I realized
you’d be the key to helping me fly

That one minute we spent with a kiss;
I heard my heart shed it’s 1st happy tear
joyful that you wouldn’t bring it any fear
caught in a daze as if we were both dreaming
falling for the melodies that our hearts were singing

An Aquarius Kiss;
you made me look at myself in a way like never before
made me feel these emotions to which I’ve never felt before
opened my eyes to make me realize just how charming I am
although from the 1st introduction, I was worried about a scam
but here we are still hanging on by a thread as I pray we grow stronger
because I’m afraid to lose you to someone else & what we have is no longer
present but I’m working to ensure this last for a while

Be my Light when my World goes Dark

Be my Strength when I feel Weak

Be my Happily Ever After minus the Cost

Be my Faith when all Hope feels Lost

Be my Forever, not just my Today

Be the Sun in my Sky, Be the Tear in my Eyes

Be not another Goodbye

I’ve tried taking this away cause it was too much
been at war with myself since my world was crushed
Tell me why a man with a good heart has to be so dark
& only feel safe when he’s talking through his art
it’s like I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m confused
trying to find a way to the light & follow the tunes
of happiness but each time, I come to a dead end
looking for my peace in these temporary non friends
who claim the same thing as the last person before them
& I’m stupid for given a chance or to even believe them
I wanted to throw life away cause it didn’t mean anything
do me a favor & let me join my family if anything
I know I’m selfish for taking away what you created
but the gift of words or being a loner couldn’t save it
a good heart turned cold being mixed in with the wrong world
picture perfect in your eyes but it’s my vision that’s blurred
So forgive me for not appreciating what you took the time to make
flawless in a way & it’s honestly my mistake
threw my life in the trash, the only thing besides my dad I hate
but I understand now that the greatest stories ever told
have the worst nightmares before the beauty unfolds
attached with a few storms from tornados & hurricanes
with the rainbow shining right behind the depressing rains
of life when the sun decides to fade away
& everything aligned becomes a disaster before we see the replay
of the carnage left behind when happiness no longer exists
with pain being the only way to end a story like this
Forgive me, for not appreciating life for what it’s worth
being blind by the lies, deceit, & the hurt
the disappointments led by false expectations
of those who cause harm without hesitation
using our fear of letting go to bring more misery
further making our self worth feel like an unsolved mystery
I stand here in tears as I plead for another chance to get this right
to embrace the lessons that come with life
never again shall I question your reasons
even if I’m overwhelmed when fighting demons
All faith placed in you through hell or water, my friend
as you guide me to peace & further protect me, Amen

The picture is clear
but the essence breaks me
to admire the concept
yet the idea hates me

To feel appealing
but lack the origins
or the praise from within
to accept the
beauty within the ugliness

They say pictures are worth
a million words
but sometimes, the art
can’t get over the curbs
fearing what lies
on the other side of life

To most, it may seem pointless
but to certain eyes
it’s a work of expression
afraid of indulging in its
own blessing   - Pencasso

I’ve written my whole life in words
over 1,900+ poems to date
but what’s a poet to do
when he’s run out of things to say  - Pencasso

Right now I’m empty
not sure what I’m feeling
I wanna love you
but i need healing

Can’t have you loving me
when I’m currently lost
trying to find myself
but don’t give up on me

If you feel pushed away
please stay
be patient & don’t
take your love away

This isn’t me, it’s the pain
I don’t even smile the same
I’ve fallen apart but i can’t
ask you to repair me

In due time, I’ll return
to give you what you deserve
the real me, that pure gold heart
i just need space for a fresh start  - pencasso

in a world full of people

a circle of those i love

close to those i care for

somehow i still feel alone

- pencasso

looked forward to the future
possibly a family with you
took a min but i was opening up to you
saw a best friend in you
& a source of peace within you
tough love but i wanted to love you

then it all came crashing down
there i am looking like a clown
guess who’s more shut off now
not willing to trust anymore now
i was flying high till you shot me down
sad enough like the rest, you let me down

i now talk with the rain
cause that numbs my pain
cause when the sunshines, I’m not the same
**** love, it’s all a ***** game
such a shame
even with the liquor & poems to cope with
I’ll always hurt the same  - pencasso

they fear what they don’t understand
& i only aim to be a better man
than i was yesterday
so every night on bending knees i pray
for closure of the past
so the future will last
& as i look back on who i was prior
my only desire is to inspire
those who may look up to me
as the inspiration to which i don’t see
but when that day comes
when all my tears no longer run
the pieces of my heart finally come together
to make me whole again, then I’ll be better
better for myself, my family, to finally love thee
I’ll soon be home, i will be free one day indeed
- Pencasso

When time finally runs out
& the world comes to a halt

When the sun ducks behind the moon
& darkness comes our new light

When the rain stops falling
& the lighting fades away

When there’s no more words to say
& all there’s left is silence

Right here is where I’ll be
with you for all eternity
for all i need in this world
is just you & me   - Pencasso

Crazy how your dream come true can soon become a nightmare
looking for the heart where home is but no one is there
existing within a blank space, falling hopelessly
waiting for it to end & maybe it’ll set you free
Who knew love would hurt so bad or turn you into a rebel
not wanting to feel it anymore

After the heartbreak, the rain no longer sounds the same
it’s just the sky crying for you & cleansing you from the pain
Unable to express how you feel so music becomes your soundtrack
& the emptiness within makes you want the memories back
Heartbreak of a full moon, feeling lost with nowhere to go or an exit to seek peace
just dead black roses that resemble a torn love by your feet   - King Pencasso