April
The month you died
The month I tried
The month he lied
The month I cried
Death, a funeral, assault, my birth
How can I celebrate my worth,
when I walk campus and all I see
Is you in the trees, his whisper in the breeze
and the blue ribbons that line the paths and cause my heart to freeze
Awareness month, it's meant to heal, to mend,
Instead, it breaks me, on and on and on and on, without end.
The feelings I bury that rise and surge,
In April’s light, they scream, they converge.
Spring unfurls, its colors bold,
Yet all I feel is winter’s hold
Your fading pulse, your fragile frame,
His breath that stains my cheek with shame.
The world sees blooms, the grass revived,
The frost undone, the earth alive.
But I see you, and him, entwined
Two ghosts that April’s cruelty binds.
I cannot weigh your souls as one:
You, my mother, a radiant sun,
Taken too soon, your warmth now gone.
Him, a monster, whose shadow clings,
A curse that festers, bites, and stings.
You both once held me, worlds apart
One with love that filled my heart,
The other with a twisted art.
One I grieve, a loss too deep,
The other I flee, even in sleep.
Your absence haunts my dreams with pain,
A love I’ll never hold again.
His presence stalks my nights with fear,
A specter I pray won’t reappear.
April, you break me, year by year,
With memories that I cannot clear.
Yet still I rise, though scarred, to claim
A life beyond this month of shame.
This is all over the place, think of it as a diary entry.