Standing alone- waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.

Waiting till my hair turns gray.
Waiting till my brain begins to decay.
The amount of time I wait is minuscule compared to the time I will spend with her one day.

You never realize how good you had it till it's taken from you.

The opportunity you had that slipped from your grasp.
The time you could've spent doing so much more.
The job you lost and can't seem to match.
The friends you had that nobody can quite compare to.
Or maybe it's the love that you took for granted.

It's easy to think that everything is an upwards climb.
You can tell yourself that it will all get better and neglect what you do have for what you don't have.
But life doesn't work like that, not at all.
Sometimes, the things you neglected become the things you wish you would've appreciated, even if just slightly more.

We just want and want and want, but we never sit to think about what we do have, rather than what we think we will have.

Oftentimes I wonder what I look like through their eyes.
Do they see the same cracks I do?

The quiet hesitation, shattered by restless thought.
The way my hands sometimes tremble, much like my voice.
The way my eyes water when a burden bears much weight.
The flaws etched deep into a body I struggle to love.
The weight of hopelessness pulling me deeper and deeper.

Or is there something more-
Something I've forgotten how to recognize.

A light that doesn't flicker even in the most powerful winds.
A smile that brightens the day of others caught in the dark.
A loving person who yearns for the heart of their own.
A hardworking partner who they can rely on.
A shoulder steady and strong, always there when needed.

Oftentimes I wonder what I look like through their eyes.
And maybe- just maybe,
It's time I learn to see myself like that too.