Life is full of two types of people:
Ones that have already been humbled
And ones that are about to be humbled...

Which one are you?

I hide behind a smile, it's as simple as that
My mind is going wild, exposing the cracks
See I long for perfection and hate what I lack
I'm quick to learn lessons but slow to face facts

It is 1:48 am. I am in Flourtown, Pennsylvania or as I like to call it 'home'.
My parents are asleep, my brother is at college. And here I am, by myself again.
See I don't know why I always stay up. I'm terrified of the dark, the great abyss of unknown.
But yet like some abusive relationship, I meet it every night. Those monsters that were in my closet moved to my head.
But they don't scream anymore, they just sit there silently, driving me insane.
I wanna just be numb. Make the feelings I'm afraid to confront disappear. But deep down I know, I'm a ticking time bomb, ready to explode.
See I've been lost for 4 years. I spent college terrified of living.
I didn't know what I wanted to be, I didn't know where I wanted to be, all I knew is I wanted to be home.
I wanted to be in Flourtown, Pennsylvania...

Well here I am.

I write this **** for people like me:

Ones that hide behind a smile and wish they stayed a child
Ones that want to live in peace but can’t avoid broken dreams
Ones that love to help a neighbor but never help themselves
Ones so quick to do a favor but so slow to love themselves

Now here’s the part I should give advice
Tell you how to live a better life
Bad news ahead: I don’t have it
But please don’t view our lives as tragic

Take solace that we feel the pain
Take solace that we can relate
No time for lies, I’m lost tonight
But could be found by morning light

I’ve lived with this pain since I was 18
Best years of my life nowhere to be seen
Waiting for the day I drop the regret
Start living for now and seeing the best

Stuck in a box with a negative mindset
Staring at clocks wondering where the time went
I’m lost in the world but don’t worry about finding
Only I can decide when the sun will be rising

Got demons inside that scream and shout
Keep telling the devil he needs to get out
But hell to me, ain’t a war or a death
Hell to me, is a mirror and my breath

I can’t control the nighttime blues
They make me freeze I cannot move
I try to cope by smoking ****
Cuz lately I’ve been losing sleep

Relive the day inside my head
Regret things I should of said
Close my eyes and try to breathe
To no avail, I’m losing sleep

Plan a life I’ll never live
Wish that I had thicker skin
Need a cure for anxiety
But until then, I’m losing sleep

Want to cry but built up walls
Numb inside and missed God’s calls
I know He’ll help me with my grief
But I’m in hell and losing sleep

Life's been known to knock us down
Lay us flat on the ground
But when you lose your faith and hope
Just recall childhood jokes

When we were kids we never cared
About our wallet size or hair
Learned that life is all fun
Playing games til we lose the sun

But some things change as we grow
Giving up on all those impossible goals
We all want to shoot for the stars
But only few make it that far

I wish I lived a little more
Didn't care if I hit the floor
But failure brings me down so low
Forget that it's the only way to grow

And when I leave my childhood home
I'm not certain where I'll go
It's so scary to be
Confident in my hopes and dreams

And when my flaws overwhelm
I will leave them on the shelf
Because I know I can be
Happy alone so perfectly

I never got why we stop
Only living half the life that we want
We should learn opportunity
Come and goes so quickly

So when you get scared of the moment
Just remember it may only come once
I must learn that life's not a movie
And happy endings aren't a guarantee