That’s one of the most self ask question that we can all relate to
Why is it so difficult to answer?
Maybe it’s because there isn’t the right answer, or maybe because we are afraid to…
Know what’s on the next page let alone the next chapter.
So we end up looking in the mirror
Because what it gives us is reassurance of something that is real
But sometimes our reflection aren’t clear
We see something that isn’t us, we see something that shouldn’t appear.
So I ask myself again, who am I?
Am I who I was? Or am I who you made?
I’m Jose, the first of many
What more can I say.

2/25/19
8-4:30

The roads are quite & empty
If these roads could speak they'll paint your walls from white to  
Blue
What serendipity

Almost falling asleep to these whispering roads
A smooth seductive vibe it brings
Looking at the seat next to me where you sat with your **** red lips &  
Diamond earrings
But those days are gone now, old memories implodes

Focusing back on the road ahead of me
Passing exits like going down a mountain with skis
Seeing 101, I-22 and soon coming up 103
After that, I think its Tennessee...
But don't quote me for this something I cannot guarantee

Not really knowing which exit to take
Not sure if I could take anymore heartaches
I have to fight off the song of the roads, I have to stay awake
Next exit “World’s greatest ribs & steaks come in & join the crew
Enjoy our home cook meals & yes we are talking to you!"
Should I just drive on or drive in & take in the view?
Wait!!! Stay focused! Common you’re still on highway 102

Hunger cannot be a factor
But as I keep driving the hunger grows & the gas goes faster & faster
Great! A car wreck ahead 2 cars & a semi-tractor
I turn on the radio to pass the time & to get my head off of this  
Disaster
They just announced a man lost his life, a one way trip to meet his  
Master
To even think if this guy just left a min later he wouldn't of died,  
That poor *******.

Finally, the road has cleared and has claimed another soul
Suddenly my body feels a little dull
But this car cannot stop for I must reach my goal, to find that  
Something of which they stole

Now driving 85, I notice that I have taken up speed
Not realizing that, I slowed down to the speed limit here in old "keyed"?
Where am I, should I proceed?
Did I succeed? Did I fulfill my need?

This little town doesn't even ring a bell
Wait! This well-lit house so bright says, "Welcome to Bach’s hotel"
This is it! This is the place where I kept my secret about our secret  
Shell
For I kept your promise as I will never tell
Where we said our Vows and our farewells

As I pull into this run down but well-lit place
These old memories filled in the empty space
For I will never forget that day
As I woke the air had never felt so Rich & fresh I must say
I turn to meet your beautiful eyes that followed up with your kiss  
That melts my heart away
As I walk in I'm greeted with a smile and a warm “Welcome”
As I waited my turn as I stood behind this attractive blonde
I take step forward after she takes a step out I see her step into a 1968 Le Mans
"Hi, do you need a room?” The older lady said standing there at the front desk.
“uhh, yea”,...
As it took me a couple seconds to respond

What rooms do you have available?
(Well, we only have a smoking with bunk beds)
You mean like, double beds?
(Yes doubles, the lovely lady took the last single room.)
What about the one at the end?
(That's unavailable)
Is it at least negotiable?
(No it's inoperable,) inoperable? This is a room not automobile...
(Sir, please stop! Do you want a room or not? Would you prefer your  
Warm four wheels?)
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound forceful I just had a very long day. Man, I'm getting the chills...
(Well at least you will be provided with breakfast in the morning or a complimentary meal)
That sounds nice. I'll take the smoking...
(Okay, well here are the keys to room AJ-67, oh by the way
It’s going to be 10 dollars extra because it's like staying in heaven)
What???...
(I'm joking, have a good night and call in if you need anything)
Don't worry I'll make sure to give you a ring...

Finally that I stepped out and made my way to my awaiting bed...
I noticed that AJ-67 was next door to our old room
Nothing has changed so I assumed...
As I walk to the entrance to my room, I can't help myself but be  
Taken back with shock, do I smell your perfume?
So as I make my way; I pause, should I resume?
And bring back these emotions I seek?
Or hide my emotions with this fake costume?
This is so too much to consume...
I stand here frozen; no turning back now I've come from a long distance
I always believed we lived for our coexistence

So I continue and knock on our door.......
I hear nothing and all the lights are out
The feelings are rushing in of doubt, I thought you'll be hear even  
After that fateful day
I've come every year in May and sit out here feeling betrayed
Why god!!! Why confuse our names?!!
Why take my Sade? Why not me Rene!!!
And make me suffer this life of dismay!!!

For this time I'll leave this letter with this clue
If it's my time now you will have to find me every year in May and now  
You will feel betrayed as I did & now you do
It’s okay, I see now that you’re so much smaller than you portray
What am I left to say?
Thank you...
Because my name is Rene & what we had is through
Now you will have to find my soul on highway 102

People will always follow in stride
on the winding road to disaster,
They will not cry out for help
in the chance to meet they're "Master"

Some lies will never become the truth
even for the ones who kneel for forgiveness,
Or for the ones stuck inside the booths

Looking out for Angels
Or trying to find the perfect angles,
Trying to cut the corners
can't shake the love you share with each other

Healing the pain & cleansing the soul
wiping the slate clean,
Creating the perfect mold

Thinking that God is dead
misreading the scripture you read,
Are something's better dropped or dead?
So from what you read
please stop the tears you sometime shed,
Know that you loved from you're heart and not from you're head
Now close you're eyes & sleep tight it's time for bed

When will we meet again?

Never thought that love can be shared without words
Never thought that feelings can be moved like frightened birds

I have never felt such pain as of lately
I know I can sit here for hours and blame myself for days
Hoping and praying that God will lead you back to us
to bring us your love, energy & craze

I know that god brought you into our life's
you were that "special little something", our fallen star
Believe me this is what we promise
that daddy and mommy will try our hardest
to find you wherever you are

Lastly,
Know that every corner will never be overlooked including a browser,
When God decided to give us our first son
He said, "Here you go, it's a Schnauzer

Have you ever taken a step forward
when in reality it felt like you never moved?
Probably traveled as far as the door
don't move with ease anymore?

Whoever thought that moving ahead
can sometime leave you in ground zero,
Raised believing and praying
for those unspoken hero's

Like swimming in the open ocean
with no sense of direction
Just old memories
and fuzzy recollections

Feels like we're playing charades
in our life of shoots & ladders
You have given up and now their is UNO
even after my heart that I bestow

Who knows where or when
the train will finally be on track?
When time is not wasted
where love meets and opposites attract

I would have to say
to take that step forward
I would have to take a step backward
let her understand that my name is not Edward
But Howard
And find that our love has not soured

But who knows where or when
Until then...
Can we start?
And never end?

10/16 - 10/27/09

My heart hasn't felt the cold blade
the kindness in your eyes
The words that tend 2 lie
in bed they always fade

I look around for another soul
every direction I see an accident waiting to happen
I might as well be working in my mind shoveling coal
or witness these souls crashing

So the world you made
never happened
Your promises were said
but the words weren't lashing

Your intensions
raised my attention
Your pretension
cancelled your extension

Your world is alive in a dream
open your eyes
Lead us to the world
Where we lay supreme

10/18/09

I've walked down this road before
my eyes were at a gaze
Just with your lure
but this dance will not bring me romance
For it will bring us one last chance
that I am sure.

Never thought I would lie to myself
never thought I'll see you with someone else
I've made up my mind
just along the hand of time
Living my life a lie
will be just fine
As long as I get mine

I've put away your make up
but it seemed so easy
You only see my silhouette
in the times you need me

I am not the man that you want anymore
for this door will not find the cure
Trust me
I am not foolish anymore

Forgive me for I have sinned
painting on a wall
That had someone else's grin
time will tell
When the big hand hits nine
in time I will be fine

As long as I get mine

8/26/09