Indigo Maroon

Indigo Maroon Jan 23

What do you do when you
Love
Too
Much?

What is the remedy
For the
Constant
Anguish
It causes?

It isn’t fair!
I didn’t ask for this!
I didn't ask
For this pain!

I wish I could
Hate,
Just once.

You cause me so much pain, and yet I cry in silence as you walk away

Indigo Maroon Jan 23

Noise/silence

My whole life I have
Fought
And never won
Ran
And never escaped
Cried
And never been comforted
Tried
And never succeeded
Hoped
And never gotten lucky
Pleaded
And never been spared
Screamed
And never been heard

I
Give
Up

If there’s no hope for me anyway,
Why
Even
Try

“There’s a freedom in letting go. A beauty in giving up, a peace in surrender. After fighting for so long in the dark, blinded by expectations and pelted by reality, fighting, fighting until you no longer remember what you’re fighting for. Escape the gilded cage of sanity! Just let go. Succumb to the anarchy of the soul. And take a breath for the first time since you were a child, where reality meant nothing to you, and you were everything and nothing at all.”

Today I let go
Today I return to my dream-state
Today I am free

Do as you wish to me
You cannot break what has already
Shattered

I’m done. I’m done hoping that this will be the time you choose to change, choose to care about me. I give up. Once this is over, I’m walking away and never looking back. Perhaps then you’ll finally learn your lesson, as I have learned mine. Don’t
Trust
Anyone

They think they know everything. Ha! I’ll show them

Indigo Maroon Jan 21

Help

Time is moving
so
slow
I'm dissociating
the danger
I'm in
my
consciousness
is blocking it
from
my
mind

But even though I can't
comprehend
the
enormity
of what's about
to
happen,
I
still
can't seem to
catch
my
breath
It's still
all
I can think about
I don't understand
I don't want this

I'm scared

Indigo Maroon Jan 20

Valde Timeo

Timeo
timeo
timeo
Non volo hoc
Cur hoc fit?
Auxillium
Auxillium
Quaeso, Auxillium me
Nescio quid agere
Auxillium

Indigo Maroon Jan 17

7 days till the end of the world

7
days till the end of the world
and my mind is a'racing
round and round my thoughts they swirl
I can't seem to cease my pacing

6
days now till everything ends
time is slowing down
I really thought she was my friend
never thought she'd let me drown

5
days and what do I do now?
the fear is taking over me
I'm stuck in a pit, I can't get out
there's no escape that I can see

4
days wow it's getting close
and I'm nowhere near ready!
I feel very much like a ghost
can't keep myself steady

3
days now, what do I do?
everything is going wrong
I don't know how to make it through
I don't think I'm that strong

2
days, in a panic now
I'd really like to breathe
it's far too soon to take my bows
will this agony never cease?

1
day, fog is kicking in
praise God for dissociation
This is not my body, my skin
I've ascended plain Creation!

0
days, and now it's time
my heart beats in my pounding head
watching my world collapse in a rhyme
I cannot tell if I am dead

Indigo Maroon Jan 16

H O W D A R E Y O U D O T H I S T O M E

How DARE you do this to me? You know how hard it is for me to
Open my mind to others, to trust anyone. I trusted you.
Why don't you understand the enormity of that?

Deep inside, I know you meant no harm. Or did you?
All the paranoia is rushing back and I'm sinking deeper in my own
Righteous insanity as I spiral in panic and fury. This is the
End of everything

You don't get it! I tried to explain it but you don't see how you're
Obliterating everything I've worked so hard for! Why don't you
Understand that you're ruining my life?

Doing this, telling them, betraying my trust in this
Overzealously evil way, nothing will ever be the same.

This is only proving to me what you've been trying so
Hard to erase from my mind: that
I can't trust ANYONE, or maybe I just can't trust adults,
Since I told plenty of friends and they didn't care

Truthfully, I'm getting a bit tired of all this. What's next?
Obviously, my whole center of gravity is about to shift.

Maybe everything will be ok? No, this is the beginning of the
End

Difficult to organize my thoughts into acrostic form while in fight or flight

#betrayal #panic #rage #trust #howdareyou #fear #end

Indigo Maroon Jan 16

It was Always You

I'm sorry
I should have listened
to you
You were right all along
you always knew
I tried to pretend you didn't exist
tried to pretend I knew what was best for me
but
i
t
w
a
s
a
l
w
a
y
s
y
o
u

You were always
my
protector
You were always
the
leader
of all
of
us
But I went against your judgement
I thought she wouldn't betray me
I thought I could trust her
How could I have been
so
stupid
Everyone betrays us
We can't trust anyone
but
ourselves
You tried
you tried
S O H A R D
to save us
to get us out of the
hole
I
dug
You couldn't do it
It was too late for
damage
control
Now everything is crashing down
but I know you will
keep
us
safe
because that's what you do
It was always just
you
and
me
united
against
the betraying world
wasn't it?