I am afraid,
in a way I haven't been before.

I am afraid
of the way people fall out of the sky,

I am afraid
of the way people disappear into the sea

without saying goodbye;
Suddenly the loss
feels like a snake

slithering from across the room;
venom in his blood
and names on his tongue.

I am afraid
of the way people find themselves
at the bottom of the barrel.

And I
am scraping
at the end of it.

If I were to be cured,
I can only wonder if my personality would be
cured as well.

I disgust myself,
To think that all I am
Is this disease
That could someday evaporate
Like my happiness has for the past four years.

And I wonder,
Would I know happiness to find it?
Would I know the words to say,
In place of my melodic melancholy.

I don’t know.
I simply won’t know
For a very
long.

As I wait, to be cured,
Of a disease that swallows life like air,
Perhaps when they find the cure,
I will be dead already.

Last evening
Yesterday
For so long
I waited for this day

Met a girl
With a smile on her face.

All I could think about is
What I wanted to say.

Words
I couldn't release.
Powerless
Around her.


She grooved
Thanks to the alcohol.

She wanted to go home
I wanted her to stay

She hugged me
It felt like
Finally a poor lonely man
Found a cardboard box
To live happily inside.

It's 4.20 a.m
And I'm already awake.

Beautiful thoughts
Getting destroyed
Like asteroids
Hitting the Earth.

I stare the ceiling
I hear crackling
I feel nothing.


Why do I feel numb?
An unanswerable question.
I'm so dumb.
I fall back
Asleep.

Deep breath and an aching heart,
shrivelled tissues and torn sleeves,
suddenly don't seem to exist,
suddenly don't seem to matter anymore.
because you've reached that moment when the world just explodes,
when you can't contain your emotions a second longer,
when everything you've ever wanted to say comes spiraling out in a jumble
of mixmatched words pocketed from years of love, hate, isolation and determination.
when you feel uncontrollable,
in a good way,
when you feel reckless,
but powerful,
when you feel so incompetent,
but on top of the world.
everything that's ever ended on a low note has been tuned up so that high voices and beautiful noise is all that you'll ever speak or hear again.