HP decided it wouldn’t work
Which is like being thirsty
But having nothing
But mud and murk.

I need these words to survive
I need to know I am heard.
Like any organism
Needs water.

So when HP decided it would start again
I overindulged a little
And made like, 10 poems in a span of ten minutes.

Just like a dehydrated person might do
After they find water
Drinking until they feel like they’re about to explode.

I really hope I don’t throw up.

If I began to write my life story
The pages would be meters long
The book would be miles thick
The words would be tiny and barely legible
And it would always be unfinished.

A burst of color
A tinge of gold
A rescue from the cold, dark, grey.
A fleeting rainbow
A whisper of light
All of these colors
Take over the white
All of these colors
Take over the white.
Do not be afraid
To be colorful.

Still waters run deep.
Still water people are rare to find
And even harder to keep.

Loud waters run shallow
Some of them are rather foul.

Still waters run deep
With an even deeper soul.

We’re all a little cracked.
Or a lot cracked.
Some are even shattered
Because the world
Isn’t perfect
And neither
Are we.
We cry
Then we laugh.
We are flawed creatures.
But don’t
Let your cracks
Break you.
Flaws are beautiful.
A perfect human
Is not truly human.
A rose that never wilts
Is not truly a rose.
Embrace your cracks, people.

This world keeps on getting darker
We have surpassed the marker
Of no return.

Don’t cry
You’re gonna be ok
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Don’t cry
Or I will too.

Because we’re not ok

It’s ok if you’re not ok.
Life is a lot of nay
Not yay.
But that’s ok
Because you still
Have a fight to fight
A thing to say
Don’t let life
Get in your way

It used to be so sunny.
There wasn’t a cloud in the sky
But now it’s raining (not raining money)
And I can’t help but ask myself why.

Why am I so blue
Why is everything turning grey
I’m missing someone (don’t know who)
Maybe it’s just a rainy day.

Why can’t I dance in the rain?
Why is the water so cold?
Why are the skies hailing with pain?
Why can’t I just do what I’m told?

As the sky darkens,
I darken with it.

As the sky swells,
I swell with it.

As the sun rises,
I rise with it.

Picture your world. I bet you’re picturing the big, fat, beautiful Earth right now, but that’s not what I’m talking about right now.
Picture YOUR world.
Your world is small, and mainly consists of those within your life.
You may even have only one person or only a few who are your world.
That’s okay.
Well, anyways, picture your world and those who reside within it.
Now think bigger.
Picture all the “worlds” in your area (maybe state, city, or country)
Picture all the people that mean EVERYTHING to everyone in your city.
That’s a lot of worlds, huh?
Okay.
Think bigger.
Picture all the world’s on EARTH!
We’re only ONE planet of many, yet we’ve already got a universe.
Lives sprinkle Earth’s surface like stars.
There are like a bazillion world’s, in the sense of personal worlds.
I’m not the only one that cries.
I’m not the only one that hurts.
I’m only one asteroid in this galaxy of people.
In the big picture, I’m a speck.
I don’t even matter.
If I died, most of the world wouldn’t know.
If existence was based on how many people knew your name,
I’d be nonexistent.
Now go back to your own world.
That’s not all you see now.
You see glimpses of other worlds just drifting away.
What’s the point of all this, you might ask?
The point is:
All worlds matter.
You destroy a world, you destroy a life.
You hurt somebody, and they’ll remember.
Even as itsy bitsy as we are compared to the vast cosmos,
We matter.
Everyone matters.
Small as our worlds may be,
Every single one matters.
We are not small to us,
And that’s what matters.

The dumb fool says,
“Forget and forgive!”
“Move on!”
“Get over it!”

The wise man says,
“Forgive but do not forget.”
“Move forward.”
And
Holds you while you cry a river.

There once was an ignorant child
Who most certainly wasn’t too mild
Her first name was Quinn
She committed a sin
Being not polite but instead quite wild.

You are somebody’s world
Remember this
Even when the Universe seems big and you feel small
It truly is gigantic
But to someone
They couldn’t care less
If the Universe burned in hell
As long as they still have you.

The light dims
But it can’t dim me
You see, I will make it
I tell my own story
And I don’t fake it
And in this tale
There’s no giving up here
No yelling upon deaf ears
Nope, nope, no giving up
Fairy tales may exist
But happily ever afters
Are full of it
But I am writing my own story
And in here there’s no giving up
If I can’t get happily ever after
I’m not gonna give up
Before I get any ever after.

You stand stoic
Unemotional
Uncomplaining
Your face is a rock.

Your eyes bore into
My misty spheres
I wish I knew how
To not feel.

I can’t

Stuck in a desert
The land’s dry and grey
Stuck in a desert
Far far away
Don’t miss food or water
Though I probably should
Of all things that I need,
I miss you more than food.

Miracles happen all the time.
We just need to pay attention.
They are there.

i imagine you sprawled across your bed
ankles crossed in the air, hair
falling in strands out of your neon
ponytail, bent over some graphic novel
that looks like it’s seen the bottom
of a backpack far too many times.

i imagine you have one of those smiles,
the kind that blooms soft and slow
across your cheeks like a lily, Louyse.

Lily Louyse, i see you upside-down on the
monkeybars, grinning like it all means nothing,
like the fire is long-gone, no smoke in the
air.
not anymore.

but the fire once was, we both know.

it burned your eyes as you shook
body wracked with a million papercuts
a million scars only you could see.
it licked your palms as you
clawed
at the darkness, wishing for some answer
some semblance-of-self.
i see you curled in a ball on the floor
silently begging the world for—
oh, i don’t know.
all I know is i’ve done, felt, screamed
the same.

but i have this strange feeling that
you peeled yourself up and gathered
each scrap ripped like a banned book
and taped yourself together
with shaking fingers.
and then you floated downstairs and
let the television drown out those
stupid, stupid thoughts and
smiled as kate winslet embraced the
sky—“i’m flying!”—
and i have this strange feeling that you will be
okay.

Look up
It’s a beautiful life
A half-full cup
Only empty of strife.
Can’t you see?
Nothing to complain about here.
Sit down and BREATH
You don’t need to fear.

‘Cause it’s not as bad
As it seems to you
You could be glad
But all you are is blue
What happened to you?
The skies are bright
And it’s sunny outside
I don’t understand
Why you need to hide
Calm down
Why do you need to frown?

Walls up
You face away from all the pain
Just to see more of
It, so you run away again
Can’t you see?
No sign of rain about here.
Take a seat.
I promise you don’t need to fear.

‘Cause it’s not as bad
As it seems to you
You could be glad
But all you are is blue
What happened to you?
The skies are bright
And it’s sunny outside
I don’t understand
Why you need to hide
Calm down
Why do you need to frown?

It’s not that bad.
And it’s not that gray.
The pain that you feel
Will all go away.
It’s not that bad.
It’s not that bad.
It’s not that bad.

It seems that bad.

Words are so precious
So we mustn’t waste them on hate.

Even at night
The dark isn’t black
It’s speckled by stars
And the moon and our laughs.

Even at death
The pain doesn’t last forever
It subsides as a scar
Forever partially healed.

Even when you’re gone
I’ll wait for you
I’ll wait until you’re here
Leave you?
Never.

We are Lithium and water
We are nitric acid and paper
We are nitric acid and hydrazine.

We are
e x p l o s i o n s
f i r e
a n d  d e a t h.

If you want my real
You gotta deal with my tears
And if you want my honesty
You gotta let me be me.

I don’t hide
It’s not my thing
And when I tried
You could see
Right
Through
Me.

Because if you want my real
You gotta let me feel
The way I feel
Because I won’t pretend here.

Sometimes I’m sad
Sometimes I’m stressed
Sometimes I wish
I stayed in bed.
Sometimes I break
Sometimes I’m
Not okay
Sometimes I’m weak
It’s a part of
My humanity.

Because I’m human
And I am flawed
I am broke
I am imperfect
And I don’t care.

I want to be real
I don’t want to disappear
I want something that
Won’t fade away.

How the heck
Am I supposed to say everything
That’s in my head
When there are only 171,476
Words in the English dictionary
That are still used?
How am I supposed to say
What I need to
If there are not enough words
To express it?

Sometimes I feel
Like artists got it easy.

Why am I still smiling
When the mourning bird sings
And inner tears drip in a pool
And the fire inside dims and cools.

Give
Give
Give away
Give until
You cannot pay
For all you’ve lost
Is just too much
You’ve given all
You got
Don’t give your crux.

So excited to grow up
Maybe freedom would heal us
But when our childhood got taken away
We held on
Like it was a teddy bear
The complicated years
Of 13 and forward
Got us wishing to go back
And longing to grow up.

I used to see the rainbow
Now all I can see is rain.
The world seemed beautiful
Because I never saw the pain.
And all I’ve ever asked for
Is for it all to go away
Now all I ever ask for
Is for somebody to please stay.

The cups and plates aren’t ugly
Just because they’re cracked and broke.
And I don’t think it’s funny
When people lose their hope.
And all I’ve ever asked for
Is for my spark to be undimmed.
Now all I ever ask for
Is for it to light the path for them.

I hate to be the person
Who just sits there all alone.
But what am I supposed to do when
I’m all on my lone.
I hate to have to sit here when
Somebody needs my help.
But when I’m hurt or injured
Who is gonna hear my yelp?

A look can do so much
When words fail to portray
Hidden thoughts and feelings
You feel from day-to-day.

That smile that you gave
To the man with a painted frown,
He smiled back,
Because you turned his day around.

That look of empathy,
You gave that girl who felt alone,
It made her feel not so alone
After years of isolation.

That glare you gave that person,
Because they were very different from you,
You made them feel hated,
Like they didn’t deserve love.

Use looks wisely.

You are a star
You shine so brightly
You have a future
You are going to be okay
You’re my best friend
I will always be there for you
Don’t worry
Everything’s gonna be okay

I need to start saying this to myself

It is so real
It’s almost tangible.
You can hold it
You can’t touch it.

Happiness
Does not go away
As you give it to others.

It stays
And it grows.
A garden in your heart
Spreading the seeds
To the people who love you.

I just want to write
Write out my feelings
But if you don’t have
Any feelings to start
With what do you do?

Ink bubbles from my lips
Like blood
Poems are full of pain
Of course.
My eyes are black
They say your eyes
Are the pathway to your soul.
Sometimes my words are soft
A pillow
Of clouds
Among sunshine.
Sometimes my words are sharp
And lash out
CRACK
My whip of words sounds it’s call.

I make these poems
Because I need
Someone to just
Hear me out
For once.

Even if
That person
Is a stranger
I am just glad
Someone is listening
To me for once.

People wear
Masks too much.
Not just on their faces.
Why they do so
I only partly understand.

Look to the sky
See a mockingbird flying high
He sounds his call to us
I hear you, you are heard!

Love shatters like ice.
To be more specific
It shatters people.

Love is strong
People are not
Specifically me.

Just LISTEN
Let me SPEAK
I’m breaking down and
I just want to SCREAM
Just so you would HEAR me
For once!

But instead I c r y.

it’s just them
in the square
and they’re alone
amongst a thousand people.

if a droplet
can stand out in a sea
that’s what they are
but if droplets can be crying.

i think that sometimes
people’s stories are so strong
that the universe
makes them the main character
for a moment.

Your marble eyes
Well up with my tears
Why must you
Be so empathetic.
I pulled you in a mess
That you asked to be in.
I complied thinking
You could handle me.
But your kindling fire
Is burning out next to me.
My ice is melting
Drowning out my pain
While prolonging yours.

Fake friendship has lost its appeal
I only long for what is real.

Compliments I no longer crave
I have too many sins, too many mistakes.

Pity parties I don’t want to have
I might be anxious, but I’m not THAT sad.

Give away
Give away
What I found
For myself
Today.

But hey, that’s okay
Brightened up somebody’s day
Which darkened mine
Candlelight burns low.

Nevertheless I give
And when I have nothing to give
I give myself away
Disintegrated
That’s what I am
I am
No longer.

Crystal clear
Yet clear as mud
That’s how things go
In this neighborhood.

Do I understand?
No you tell me
The back of my hand
Is confusing to me.

Happily ever after
Is only found in books
Maybe that’s why I read
To get away from what was took.

I am not a liquid
Where what was stolen
Is a hole
Don’t want to live insipid
Wish I was brighter
But I am coal.

You asked what I thought
I told you
You told me that I was wrong
How can an opinion be wrong?

If you didn’t want my thoughts don’t ask for them

Darkness is scariest
When it’s comfortable
When it cradles you
And you cling to it
Like a blanket.
Darkness is most frightful
When you want it
When it is your cover
Your only place to be real.

We only ever
Miss the sunshine
When it snows or rains.

We only ever
Miss a lover
When they get up and leave.

We only ever
Miss our family
When they’re long gone.

We only ever
Know they’re there
When they disappear by dawn.

Expectation hurts
Happily ever after
May or may not come.

Tell me to stay
And I’ll run away
I cannot do
What you ask of me, dear.

Tell me not to cry
Yet tears leak out of my swollen eyes
Why are you crying?
You ask.
“Stop it.”
I can’t.

Stress is getting the best of me
Overwhelmed so much I can’t see
Mostly
Because my eyes are blurred by tears.