Demons from the past have come to haunt me.
Her cries seemed sincere.
Her voice was broken.
The mere utterance of I love you was true.
The girl id played in the summer suns for hours,
Mud pies, digging canals and eating snow cones with…
Her voice was shaky.
It was full of truth that I didn’t hear…
Full of love I dare not accept..
She was running.
Like I did.
Running only I had escaped and she never did…
The girl with the brightest smile dimmed by a father who never knew love only showed discipline in his words.
A family that lasted generations,
Now ends…
Not with me.
With the brightest star in all of heaven.
The woman who found her courage…
The woman I turned my back on while I chased a life we both longed for…
My dear beloved sister you won’t be forgotten…
I’ll forget many throughout my life but only you will remain in my heart…
I hated you even resented you…
Now I only wish to feel your hugs once again.
Those hugs full of love that I never had yet now I know you loved me.
You protected me as best as you could…
I’ll hate them forever for what they’ve done to you…
Our lives have always been secretive and silent..
Yet even now with you gone…
I feel an emptiness I’ve never known…
I curse this cruel world.
Were there actual people who cared then maybe you’d still be here..
A pipe dream because the truth is there is no such thing…
The good ones die,
The rotten get to live

I found beauty in the darkness.
Most fear there unknown,
Many avoid the possibility and uniqueness.
There is beauty within the darkest parts of one’s soul.
The purity of it.
Which is where I learned never to judge one based on their past.

Some nights I lie awake staring at the ceiling,
The realization that truly something inside was broken deep down.
Never again to be healed.
The switch permanently off.
Staring beyond the ceiling almost ceaselessly and hopelessly searching for a way to bring it to life again.
Suddenly I remember that I have to breathe.
That hard burning gasp of air that leaves my eyes watery.
When I sleep I dream,
Those vivid flashbacks of well everything.
Almost in a blink of an eye it’s time for work,
Another day another dollar.

Another year coming to a close,
The truth standing in front of me.
I enjoy the pain and the hurt,
I don’t like hurting people.
I surround myself with those with the worst intentions,
The pain keeps me blurred and moving.
How incredibly pathetic of me,
Yet I now know this is my life and how it was destined to be.

If it is was a lie,
If I was deceitful.
I wouldn’t be here:
Trying every time hoping that you’d see.
It’s you.

I’ve not slept for a week,
The pain is excruciating.
It’s all a blur now,
Every blink remains fuzzy.
Any attempt to sleep is met by haunting nightmares that violently clash with reality.
The pain comes in waves and heartbeat pounds echoing in my head.
Everyone laughed when I would say eventually I’d be hurt beyond repair,
From broken ribs, to the broken bone in my hand.
The cracked hip,
The sternum that sharp stabbing pain.
Now I suffer the truth I begged them all to see.
I begged for peace in my life before it got to this point.
They’ve all promised peace and happiness yet I am always met with violence and chaos.
I have no room left for anyone,
Pain is now my only friend.
Yet I still smile for the world to see so I do not have to bear others pity.
I suffer in the silence,
So others will never notice a thing.
Even she promised that she loved me,
The first person I ever believed.
She left all the same.
The girl with golden pocket brown eyes that I trusted wholeheartedly.
She would probably be happy that I live this way now.
She seemed to love others pain.
Least I could I do this to make her happy one more time.

The world and everyone won.
I’ve lost everything and everyone.
I lost myself in the process and now I am left to rebuild from the nothingness once again.
Turns out doing the right thing leaves you empty with no one and nothing.
Yet I find the beauty in being alone.
No pressure or no one to tell you that you’re not good enough.