He used to tell me that my mother didn’t love me
He used to tell me that no one would ever love me if I didn’t change who I was
The molestation was bad but that was not the worst
He terrorized me for years
I was told I didn’t deserve privacy
That my body was not my own and he had the right to look if he so chooses
He followed me and my mom to groceries stores screaming that we spent too much money
Or he would call her on the phone
We were terrified that he would follow us home
Scream at us, with pitted balled fists
Slamming on kitchen counters
Kicking the door frame until the door won’t shut anymore
Criticizing me until I couldn’t stand it anymore
Calling us stupid, worthless
I’ll never forget the day I ran away on my bike
I could see his truck passing by so I hid from him
Then when I was on my way back he got in my face
Like he was going to push me or hit me
His face was so red and his eyes slanted in fury
He lifted my bike over his head then threw it in the back of his truck
I hurried into the back so he wouldn’t have time to touch me
He screamed at me in the truck
Asking where I was
Demanding an answer
I lied and I hoped he wouldn’t notice
He did everything he could to scare me
Some nights I would hear a car driving past
I would be so scared that it was him
I would stay up the entire night just to make sure it wasn’t him
How do I prove that it was fear
How do I prove to a jury of my peers
That I was afraid he would **** us one day
How do I tell you how scared I was
Why doesn’t my mom believe me about the ****** abuse
She was there!
She knows how my legs would shake as I heard him approach the door
How does she not believe me?
She was scared of him too
She knew about certain things
Not the worst things
But that should have been enough
For her to leave him
How do I prove to my mother that it happened
How do show her how scared I was