She's a deep breathe of happiness
Or at the very least
She's not sticky with the muck of sadness

I can see it now.
Why you needed them
Your light in the darkness that was my life
Your life vest in my treacherous waters

Baby, I'm the shark.
And the sad fact is
I may be made of fire
But I am no beacon of hope, light, and laughter

It doesn't make you a bad person
To not want to burn for me
Like I burn for you
This is what love looks like for me

But I am certain,
If you ask,
They'll see my shade of grey
and not just your black and white.

I release the smoke in the night,
Not the blackness itself
Think on that, if you will think on me at all.
In the mean time
Know that I finally understand
Why you needed all of them.

This is me
With my hands over my ears
Eyes squeezed shut
Humming sweet lalalalalalalullabys to myself
Rocking back and forth
In the fetal position.

This is me falling asleep with the TV on
This is me hoping it's just a nightmare I'll wake up from
This is me holding out for a hopeless cause
This is me on a bad day

Thank any god that's out there
It's my first bad day in weeks.

It's like some well-kept secret...


Shhhhh, don't tell Evie!

The vest grows heavy on my shoulders
Fuse in one hand
Match in the other
Fingertips practically itching to act.

Why is it so hard to self destruct?
I've got all the required materials right here
Why can't I be just like them
Loose with words and actions
Spreading myself like cloudcover?

They've got me thinking
Maybe if I could just explode
Pulverize myself into tiny bits
In that brief moment
Of becoming nothing from something
I'll forget your scent
Your eyes and your voice
That for a heartbeat, if only just one
Your name won't be pulsing through my veins

Even if it was the last thing on my lips.

Fate can go **** itself.
Here is my mountaintop
These are my curses to the stars
Tear at my clothes,
Scorch my flesh
Plead with the moon
Then nothing
Not even a ripple in the black
Destiny has spurned me here.


If this is what's in store for me,
I ******* give up
Since when has love not been enough?

Funny,
What I'd do to get you off my mind.